Ideas on how to combat negativity

[mw2530]

I need help battling my constant negative thoughts and emotions. This constant negativity is a big barrier to developing relationships with others. I seem to find the negative in almost everything. I recently was promoted at my job (a year delayed in my mind, but better late than never). I was pleased, but on the flip side I felt anxiety and some depression. Anxiety b/c it made me feel like I now have an obligation to constantly perform at a high level at my job. Realty is that I have performed at a high level and should have no problem doing the same in the future. (With the exception of my limitations in communication - there are certain things I haven't been able to do, like give presentations) I feel depressed b/c I know how hard I've worked at my job and how much time and energy I've put toward it. I feel like I've put more into it than I've got out of it and that my efforts have come at the expense of relationships and happiness and has hurt my quality of life. And my mental health at times. Also, when compared to some people I started my career with, I am behind. But that actually doesn't bother me too much b/c there is a lot more to life. Anyway, this post isn't necessarily supposed to be about this particular situation in my life, but more for the purpose of harvesting some ideas of how to combat negative thoughts. Because I have this tremendous talent of taking a positive and turning it negative. I can always find something that is wrong. I have trouble enjoying my accomplishments.

 

[Mia]

Don't know if you've attempted this, but negative perceptions can be worked on. It's not going to make you cavort about; "With puppies and kitten's and rainbows" as that's rather unrealistic, but it can change your mindset over time.

Cutting off the thought or phrase in mid-sentence in your internal dialogue and replacing it with something else has been helpful. Sometimes I've gotten quite angry with those counter-productive subliminal directives and perceptions, many of which were from parents, teachers, bullies, siblings, things I internalized. So for example, if I do something well, I continually look for errors, the entire time I have a dialogue of negative thoughts related to it.

I've learned over years, to stop or cut that pattern short, initially I combatted it with concrete instances from the past or present which completely opposed the words I was telling myself.

So, when I've completed a project, whatever it might me, my internal dialogue tells me that its bad, that I could do better. In that instance I recall examples where I did something similar extremely well, and I proffer those as counter examples. It's been a long road, and a long battle to do so. It's taken years and lots of work. Eventually though, it becomes automatic and more positive.

Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
4 Ways to Stop Beating Yourself Up, Once and For All

 

[Alaska]

I have this problem and have been fighting it for decades. I have made a lot of inroads in combatting it. My methods for this long fight are very diverse, so it is unlikely that I can think of that many of them here and now.

I had a huge stack of negative self-talk programmed into me from negative parental messages. I tackled this with a rubber band or hair elastic. If you do this pick one that won't hurt you from being too tight.

Every time I found one of these messages running through my head, I snapped the rubber band. I stopped the negative messages in about 6 months. Occasionally something will cause them to start up again, and I repeat the process.

I use something I call a Gd box. You can give it any name you like, however. I made a slot in a big box that I decorated to my satisfaction. Whenever something is bothering me a lot, i write it on a small slip of paper and drop it into the box. I consider the source of the disturbance to be given up and out of my hands. It can be amazing how peaceful something so simple can make me feel.

I have also started a new tactic recently. A name for it that I read was, "Positive Affirmations". My version is to simply write one thing over and over to make new connections between neurons. This makes new pathways in your brai to help you change your thinking.

Some people on this site have a lot more experience with this technique, than I do. Even though I have not been doing it long, I believe it has already been helpful.

I wrote a lot more on a blog on another site. I am thinking about putting the information in my blog here on AF.

I hope this is helpful. It is truly miserable to continually discourage oneself, so it is great that you have chosen to make changes that will give you a better life.

 

[Momo]

I just try to accept the negative things, and think about how I can improve the situation, what good I have in my life at the moment and what I can do to make myself, and others feel better. I don't believe in forgetting or blocking out the negativity, I just think you can make light of it. Such as with your promotion, sure you will have to perform at higher standards, but you get a fancy title now for all your hard work, and if it all goes awol then there's nothing stopping you from trying again. Also, good job on that promotion.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Its funny that sometimes our 'internal critic' or negative self thoughts can arise from positive parental intentions.
(Parents voice internalised as the critic)

From your youngest you are taught NOT to do certain things for,your own safety.

Those early lessons, if done badly,or interpreted 'strongly' can become the negative thoughts of future years.

So they stop you jumping in front of traffic or shaving your head off when young..

But stop you from happiness and success when older.

Thinking of how the thoughts could have originated may help.

You dont need them now,but did when you were three. They served their purpose.

Thank the thoughts for helping you when needed and let them go.

(Turned into godawful new agey stuff at the end )

 

[WereBear]

I used meditation to build a new mindset that will "zap" these thoughts before they can bother me.

Some of this is mind-training, but I also incredibly reduced my anxiety by using therapeutic levels of niacin.

 

[mw2530]

Its funny that sometimes our 'internal critic' or negative self thoughts can arise from positive parental intentions.
(Parents voice internalised as the critic)

From your youngest you are taught NOT to do certain things for,your own safety.

Those early lessons, if done badly,or interpreted 'strongly' can become the negative thoughts of future years.

So they stop you jumping in front of traffic or shaving your head off when young..

But stop you from happiness and success when older.

Thinking of how the thoughts could have originated may help.

You dont need them now,but did when you were three. They served their purpose.

Thank the thoughts for helping you when needed and let them go.

(Turned into godawful new agey stuff at the end )

Yes, this has probably contributed to some of my thoughts and feelings today. My mom was overly cautious with things, plus had high expectations for my grades in school. She made me feel inadequate for making just small mistakes, rather than using them as a learning opportunity. Possibly one reason why I'm so afraid of trying new things. B/C I didn't as a kid for fear of failure. More of this had to do with struggling to fit in with peers and bullying than parenting though.

 

[Gracey]

It's a habit formed and strengthened over many, many years. You've been trained to think in a certain way-(not such a terrible thing as it's got us this far, but we outgrow it as we change as people)

Recognising it is half your battle already won. Perhaps it's time for a re evaluation?
Lose what is no longer serving us well or making us ill (carried with us from youth) and introducing some new freely chosen opinions of our own to believe in.

When my own habitual negativity starts to creep forward and threatens to sabotage a project I've spent an awful lot of time on, I swear at it like an old sailor might. (Never out loud) I'm no longer willing to tolerate that crushing sense of defeat and never feeling quite good enough.
If I'm swearing at myself, it's my cue to list the many, many positives.

You are allowed to see those positives and be proud of your accomplishments, you know?

 

[WereBear]

One of my go-to meditations is to meet myself as a child and tell Little Me all the things I should have heard. Hugs too!

 

[Mike Stouffer]

Know the feelings well. I have a difficult time with this. It takes practice and a conscious awareness in catching it and creating a habit of reverse thinking. Instead of reasons negativity come up with reasons why it's to the good. For every little and big thing. Life kicks our butts enough without us doing it to ourselves. Thank you for sharing!