Identity and belonging and having a place in the world

[Tanyax]

Does anyone feel that they lack an identity? I don’t feel like I identify strongly with anything much or anyone. It makes me feel very lost. Others seem to have their work or hobbies or families, friendships and just a niche or niches that they fit right into and get up for and look forward to and are natural and fulfilling and rewarding.

I don’t have anything that feels natural and certainly nothing that is not an enormous struggle. I have cut everything and everyone out that I can because it’s too stressful and potentially upsetting and awkward. I would love to have meaning and passion more than anything but I can’t seem to make anything work for me without it having negative consequences.

I long for a connection like what I imagine ‘normal’ people have but I’ve tried I can’t seem to make it happen. I want it. I’m bored and unfulfilled and I’m a very passionate person but I can’t seem to do it. It’s very frustrating.

I lock myself away out of choice, away from a life I long for but I just can’t find my niche. Unless I’m comfortable and passionate about something, I just can’t give myself to something or someone easily and I just can’t find that ‘thing’ that other people seem to find so easy to do.

So it’s a loop of me craving and needing but hating at the same time. It’s very unhealthy I think but also just me so I don’t know that it can ever change. I suppose I’m saying, I wish I were ‘normal’ so I could be healthier and happier but when I try it’s just too uncomfortable. I want more fulfilment but I struggle in the conventional ways others achieve it.

 

[pamelaperejil]

Does anyone feel that they lack an identity?

Yes. In an ideal world, my job would be my identity. In the real world, this will only happen when/if I ever work for myself.

 

[Pats]

Things that other's seem to achieve is not easily achieving it, they're having to work hard at it. There are few people born with a natural talent that can just do something without ever having to learn how to do it and work on becoming good at it. They find something they enjoy and work hard to achieve that ability. I think the harder you work for something, the more appreciated it is.

 

[On the Inside]

I strongly identify with things I do. When I was younger, it was my interests. As I've gotten older, interests have been replaced with roles and responsibilities, chores and tasks.

Some time ago, I realized I did this to provide some kind of structure and organization in my otherwise timeless wandering life.

I'm not happy that my identity is wrapped up in the things I need to do, I especially resent the deadlines and expectations of timeliness that this to-do list identity entails.

 

[Progster]

I feel this way, too. I don't have a specific identity, or image for myself that I want to project to the world, as most people have. I have never been interested in having an image.

 

[Mattymatt]

Does anyone feel that they lack an identity? I don’t feel like I identify strongly with anything much or anyone. It makes me feel very lost. Others seem to have their work or hobbies or families, friendships and just a niche or niches that they fit right into and get up for and look forward to and are natural and fulfilling and rewarding.

I don’t have anything that feels natural and certainly nothing that is not an enormous struggle. I have cut everything and everyone out that I can because it’s too stressful and potentially upsetting and awkward. I would love to have meaning and passion more than anything but I can’t seem to make anything work for me without it having negative consequences.

I long for a connection like what I imagine ‘normal’ people have but I’ve tried I can’t seem to make it happen. I want it. I’m bored and unfulfilled and I’m a very passionate person but I can’t seem to do it. It’s very frustrating.

I lock myself away out of choice, away from a life I long for but I just can’t find my niche. Unless I’m comfortable and passionate about something, I just can’t give myself to something or someone easily and I just can’t find that ‘thing’ that other people seem to find so easy to do.

So it’s a loop of me craving and needing but hating at the same time. It’s very unhealthy I think but also just me so I don’t know that it can ever change. I suppose I’m saying, I wish I were ‘normal’ so I could be healthier and happier but when I try it’s just too uncomfortable. I want more fulfilment but I struggle in the conventional ways others achieve it.

This is something that I very much struggle with. I feel like I do not have an identity whatsoever so I have defined myself by my disability which is not really a good thing at all. Rationally, I know that I am more than my disability but sometimes emotionally, I feel that it defines me. In the past, I've developed my sense of self and identity around my occupation but that left me wholly unfulfilled - arguably I felt worse because it felt like my life was work and I had nothing meaningful outside.

I am trying to cultivate some hobbies but it is difficult to do when money is extremely tight. I really love amateur radio and I am an extra class (US) operator but I lack the funds to buy an HF radio and antenna to meaningfully participate in the hobby. Computers and the BSD operating systems are a hobby and I can really do a lot with these but I am growing tired of computers. I wish I had my high end digital camera so I could go back to some photography. Money was so tight at one point I needed to sell it so that I could make rent.