If I Didn't Hold Back...

[Riley]

A few seconds ago, my niece and I got to fighting. She was in my room and I didn't like it. My mother/her grandmother recently set up a bed in HER own room. I asked her over and over why she chose mine instead of hers. "Because I can."

One mean joke and yelling later, I threaten to beat her. The niece insists she could beat me in a fight. Keep in mind: She's eight years old. No, she's not physically superior to me. It's because it's been drilled in my head NOT to hit other people. ESPECIALLY not little kids.

Imagine if my mom and my brother weren't around. Imagine if I didn't have a strict moral code. I would beat the everloving snot out of her without a second thought. I'm FAR from weak. Lazy, yes. But not weak. I punched TWO girls is second grade. I broke a window WITH my hand without a single cut.

 

[Nitro]

A few seconds ago, my niece and I got to fighting. She was in my room and I didn't like it. My mother/her grandmother recently set up a bed in HER own room. I asked her over and over why she chose mine instead of hers. "Because I can."

One mean joke and yelling later, I threaten to beat her. The niece insists she could beat me in a fight. Keep in mind: She's eight years old. No, she's not physically superior to me. It's because it's been drilled in my head NOT to hit other people. ESPECIALLY not little kids.

Imagine if my mom and my brother weren't around. Imagine if I didn't have a strict moral code. I would beat the everloving snot out of her without a second thought. I'm FAR from weak. Lazy, yes. But not weak. I punched TWO girls is second grade. I broke a window WITH my hand without a single cut.

So I want to ask you a question. Which of the two of you is being the most childish about this matter?

 

[Riley]

Hard to tell, if you ever met us.

 

[Nitro]

Hard to tell, if you ever met us.

Not for me it isn't

 

[tree]

@Riley
What are you trying to say?

Do you want praise for refraining from striking a child
half your age?

Do you want people to be in awe of your self control?
Do you want people to marvel at your strength?

Do you want sympathy because you have been taught
not to hit other people?

It isn't clear what your goal is, in this thread.

 

[Riley]

My purpose was to vent about her. You guys listen a lot better than actual people I know.

 

[Nitro]

Try this thread next time:
https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/the-ranting-room.7289/

 

[Questella]

@Riley
What are you trying to say?

Do you want praise for refraining from striking a child
half your age?

Do you want people to be in awe of your self control?
Do you want people to marvel at your strength?

Do you want sympathy because you have been taught
not to hit other people?

It isn't clear what your goal is, in this thread.

Venting?

Kids can be real punks at that age, my sisters kids that age and I just can't.

 

[WildCat]

...One mean joke and yelling later, I threaten to beat her. The niece insists she could beat me in a fight. Keep in mind: She's eight years old. No, she's not physically superior to me. It's because it's been drilled in my head NOT to hit other people. ESPECIALLY not little kids.

Imagine if my mom and my brother weren't around. Imagine if I didn't have a strict moral code. I would beat the everloving snot out of her without a second thought. I'm FAR from weak. Lazy, yes. But not weak. I punched TWO girls is second grade. I broke a window WITH my hand without a single cut.

She's 8, and you're twice her age. Like it or don't, but it's been drilled in your head for a good reason. I get the emotional immaturity - I wasn't much different, believe me - but restraint is a good skill to have. Maybe you can learn it now and save yourself the hassle later on?

If you really want to unleash your frustration try that window smashing thing again - they're probably older than you are, a lot more resilient, and if you screw it up you'll be conditioned almost immediately when the cuts start piling up.

 

[Judge]

Society doesn't give out gold stars for obeying laws and avoiding offenses like gross misdemeanor assault and battery, felony assault and battery. With a District Attorney who in an election year just might be persuaded into trying a 16 year old as an adult. Asperger's or not.

Seems your best course of action would be to working on not letting a bratty child seriously bother you. Or think of the real consequences if you are unable to control such impulses. Hitting a child can put you on the criminal justice system's radar in a heartbeat.

 

[Riley]

I try using the law and morals as to why I'm the 'moral better' to my brother or when I'm talking about how dangerous I can be. The answer, every time, was that I was weak.

 

[Judge]

I try using the law and morals as to why I'm the 'moral better' to my brother or when I'm talking about how dangerous I can be. The answer, every time, was that I was weak.

Personally I'm inclined to believe that when people emphasize themselves as a threat, it just reflects their own insecurities. The more you say, the weaker you'll appear. Especially if you make that mistake to a much more predatory personality you never saw coming.

As for your brother, who cares what he thinks? He sounds like just another annoying sibling. Rise above him just like rising above your bratty niece. Work at not engaging such people because they aren't worth it.

 

[Questella]

She's 8, and you're twice her age. Like it or don't, but it's been drilled in your head for a good reason. I get the emotional immaturity - I wasn't much different, believe me - but restraint is a good skill to have. Maybe you can learn it now and save yourself the hassle later on?

If you really want to unleash your frustration try that window smashing thing again - they're probably older than you are, a lot more resilient, and if you screw it up you'll be conditioned almost immediately when the cuts start piling up.

Don't hurt yourself! I'm way into self harm but try not...a thing you might try is go into a private space, bathroom, bedroom, something and just do as many push-ups as you can, it'll deplete your energy and you'll feel like you did something for your frustarations

 

[nowwhat]

Truly dangerous people almost never make open threats. You have had a fortunate life, or you would have been in contact with truly scary people, and would know that.

 

[Questella]

I'll tell you, I went up to my dads today for a while and my stupid horrible sister and her dude live in his basement and they stuck their kid upstairs because the couldnt deal with him.

My kid loves his 8 year old cousin, normally he (the cousin) is staying at my mom's idk why he was there tonight. I can't even deal with him he refuses to listen to me about anything ever (wouldn't be surprised if my sister even told him not too) but I wanted to back hand this kid so bad tonight he was being so nasty. Refusing to listen then he was telling my kid not to listen to me and I'm doing everything I can to avoid a total meltdown on my son's part and my own.

He's refusing to listen to me now and I just can't even. So all I ended up telling him is he's losing his tablet and any watching TV if he kept refusing to listen.

He still doesn't believe he's in trouble, we're on the way home now.

 

[Maelstrom]

A few seconds ago, my niece and I got to fighting. She was in my room and I didn't like it. My mother/her grandmother recently set up a bed in HER own room. I asked her over and over why she chose mine instead of hers. "Because I can."

One mean joke and yelling later, I threaten to beat her. The niece insists she could beat me in a fight. Keep in mind: She's eight years old. No, she's not physically superior to me. It's because it's been drilled in my head NOT to hit other people. ESPECIALLY not little kids.

Imagine if my mom and my brother weren't around. Imagine if I didn't have a strict moral code. I would beat the everloving snot out of her without a second thought. I'm FAR from weak. Lazy, yes. But not weak. I punched TWO girls is second grade. I broke a window WITH my hand without a single cut.

it was nice you didn't hit her...maybe she is scared to be alone in the dark ...a night light would help maybe?
and you could read her a story so she falls a sleep better a few times maybe?

 

[Ylva]

Maybe you could learn some emotion management techniques for yourself. She might pick it up from you over the years, but then again, she might not. Also maybe lock your door.

 

[Marmot]

When I read of situations like this and do my best to strip away the drama / emotion, and just look at the facts of the situation, I definitely see & can feel the frustration Riley is feeling and this is exactly why I live by myself and only see / visit / experience family & friends on my own terms and the aforementioned people (finally) know & have accepted as much about me. That said, would the situation described in this post be thrown onto me, I would excuse myself, go back to my mountaintop home and these people (family or not) would not see or hear from me for a very long time.....

Riley, however does not appear to have this luxury though being a teenager & still living at home, so while we all know she's not actually going to 'beat the snot' out of this niece, we (or at least I'll admit that I do) "get" her frustration.

My advice / words of wisdom on this is to grin & bear it for the time being, but study hard, get into a university somewhere & get a practical degree that will allow you to not be dependent on toxic people like this for the rest of your life. -And yes, family members (like anyone) can be toxic to you and it's ultimately best to just avoid them all together.

 

[janie]

@Riley
What are you trying to say?

Do you want praise for refraining from striking a child
half your age?

Do you want people to be in awe of your self control?
Do you want people to marvel at your strength?

Do you want sympathy because you have been taught
not to hit other people?

It isn't clear what your goal is, in this thread.

Tight reframe, tree.

 

[tree]

Tight reframe, tree.

I try to understand what a person is saying.
I find it is in my best interest, and not
harmful for the other person.