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If My Life was Undertale, Then I've Been Doing A 25-Year-old Genocide run

UberScout

UberScout

Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996
V.I.P Member
It would only make sense to make that comparison.

Without taking a single life, I have destroyed the foundation of my family, ruined a deserving relationship, created a stressful environment for my little sister and made memories that nobody wants to remember.

I have become the cause of discord in what used to be a home of love and caring disposition.

I will never stop feeling shame for this. My ancestors, I'm certain, are turning their faces away from me.

I have failed.
 
UberScout said:
It would only make sense to make that comparison.

Without taking a single life, I have destroyed the foundation of my family, ruined a deserving relationship, created a stressful environment for my little sister and made memories that nobody wants to remember.

I have become the cause of discord in what used to be a home of love and caring disposition.

I will never stop feeling shame for this. My ancestors, I'm certain, are turning their faces away from me.

I have failed.
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What gives you the idea that you've done all that?
 
Based on basically everything you’ve said about this ever, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that no, you’re not the cause of the problems… call it a hunch.
 
It has been my experience that those who accept blame for the entirety of the families problems are in error.

First, each person is responsible for themselves. Did these family members act in a way that honors and values you? Or did they just scapegoat you and throw you under the bus for emotions, thoughts and actions that they themselves are responsible for?

I don't know you of course, but whatever you actually did or did not do was not done with malice. That's self evident by your willingness to accept blame.

Unless you committed knowing and willfull violent acts against your family, you aren't actually to blame. And you did not "ruin" your sisters life. That is her job and her responsibility. After all, you didn't sell her as a child bride to a hillbilly with one tooth and a shot gun did you?
 
Suzette said:
After all, you didn't sell her as a child bride to a hillbilly with one tooth and a shot gun did you?
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Trust me Suzette, if I had even thought that out loud, I'd be in Cherry just for stringing those words together in a sentence. (Maddog is VERY serious about protecting Sophia.)
 
Me thinks Maddog has a lot to answer for. If I can do anything for you it is to reassure you that abusive types often blame others for their own chaos.

I encourage you to read about the Grey Rock method. It will help you emotionally distance yourself from your abuser.

Grey rock method: What it is and how to use it effectively

This is a good place to start but there is a lot more online.

UberScout said:
Trust me Suzette, if I had even thought that out loud, I'd be in Cherry just for stringing those words together in a sentence. (Maddog is VERY serious about protecting Sophia.)
Click to expand...
 
I used to blame myself for everything too. I blamed myself for my biological parents giving me up for adoption and for how long I was in foster care. I blamed myself for being bullied, I blamed myself for never having a boyfriend or any friends, I blamed myself for the abuse and torture I went through, and I blamed myself for my family’s financial issues and my extended family’s dysfunction.
I used to tell myself that God was punishing me.

But I can’t go through the rest of my life blaming myself for things I’ve realized I did not deserve, that were out of my control and not of my own doing.

Families have issues sometimes. Some people are just bullies and abusers and bad people. Just because we suffer doesn’t mean we deserve it.

And after a lifetime of suffering, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a good person. I have never intentionally hurt anyone and I have never done anything out of malice. Those things happened to me out of circumstance, and because the cards I was dealt inevitably set me up for failure. But I have overcome it because I KNOW that I am a nice person and that I continue to be a nice person, even after facing all that adversity. I want to spend the rest of my life helping people and making people feel loved. I have been through hell but I didn’t let it break me… and it wasn’t easy! Years of therapy and treatment and support and prayers have helped me to be optimistic and easygoing. It wasn’t simple and it didn’t come naturally. For a long time I was just mad at myself and the world and I wanted to give up. But I knew I had to get myself out of that spiral because I truly wanted to be happy.

Being happy in life is something I’ve only really achieved within the last few months too. It’s been a long journey :)

I hope that me sharing my story is helpful in some way, and I hope that you can come around to believing that you did not deserve for these things to happen, and that you can find peace and get into a safer situation :)
 
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