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Ignored/Dismissed when providing a logical answer backed by facts

N

nope

Active Member
At this point of my life I actually have a group of female friends, and we mostly just goof around without having any "real" conversations. The problem is, whenever we do have a "real" conversation their POV tends to be mainstream and mine is something they would consider weird, and I've noticed that they don't always know how to respond and so either make a joke or change the subject.

The thing is, I don't have a lot of opinions but when I do I probably have done a serious amount of research on the subject and so know exactly when I'm talking about. So when my opinion is ignored or not taken seriously, I can't help but take it personally. Similarly, when friend X has a problem and is asking for advice and I've gone to great lengths to explain (in an inoffensive way) how idea A or idea B are shortsighted and can possibly put friend X in an even worse situation, I get annoyed when friend X ignores my reasonable suggestion in favor of idea A or idea B.

Can anyone relate?

(By the way, I may be on the spectrum but have come a long way from the stereotypical know-it-all with no people skills. If anything, perhaps due to all the years spent reading books on communication/psychology/social science/pop culture in my attempt to fit in, I tend to be more intuitive than most people about these things. Maybe I'm just frustrated because it doesn't seem like people trust me when I consider myself an expert on the subject.)
 
Yeah, I get this a lot. Pretty much everything you described, even the background story. It used to frustrate me, but I came to accept that NTs don't think logically and don't solve solve problems as efficiently and effectively as we do. The attitude that I take to deal with it is a form of not caring; I'll give them advice if they ask for it, it will be the correct advice, and if they knew like I knew they would follow that advice, but if they don't that's their problem. I will not repeat myself, I will not put in extra effort to try to help someone who doesn't want to listen in the first place - I threw them a life preserver, if they'd rather drown instead then nuts to them.
 
Did i write that and not remember? Jeepers.

When I'm asked for advice i think about it and offer a well thought out logical solution. It is never followed. Ever. Why bother asking then? Waste. Of. Time.
I seem to be incapable of offering superficial non-advice like they are probably seeking. I think they just want you to agree with the stupid decision they made. Laziness is hard to fight.

I used to try deep conversations with friends i had but they only had shallow thoughts and were not interested.
 
Gritches said:
Yeah, I get this a lot. Pretty much everything you described, even the background story. It used to frustrate me, but I came to accept that NTs don't think logically and don't solve solve problems as efficiently and effectively as we do.
Click to expand...

Agreed a zillion times.

My undiagnosed Asperger's and my husband's chronic illness have made me a health researcher. A lot of what I have tried works, and I try to share that.

But whenever it runs counter to what "authority" says, NTs turn off their brain. You can see it.
 
It's a common theme amongst oh..... everything.

How can it be possible to ask a question and not want to know the answer?

That sounds like madness to me. But if I started questioning it who would be locked up?
I spend far too much time reinterpreting all these things :

My wife being the long time sufferer :
Ie
'Do you actually want the answer to that or is it one of those things where I'm supposed to say something nice?'

Makes me sound awful,so I shall say I'm paraphrasing myself to make me look bad :)

I'm more aware of her eyes glazing over into complete catalonia these days, so I manage to stop myself.
Shame as I'm usually just getting going!

A bit off topic but similar.
Interesting =boring
(Seems like something similar to what a pig wrote at the end of a book or 1984)
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
'Do you actually want the answer to that or is it one of those things where I'm supposed to say something nice?'
Click to expand...

:fearscream:

I know, right?

I will share something amazing: I do Tarot Readings, for entertainment, to raise money for charity and make a little for myself. I probably could get a therapist's license on this experience alone; I've been doing it for three decades now.

Whether you believe/understand the idea of the Tarot cards, I can say that being seen as a "fortune teller" unlocks the doors between me and this total stranger.

They will tell me things that would take months to reveal in therapy. And I can be honest with them in return.

And they take it.

It's the surface. I am outside of their normal experience, so they don't react the way they would as though I were a "normal" person. I'm dressed in a gypsy costume, being consulted for "spectral knowledge" and then they listen to honesty and beg for more.
 
You're referring to my life. Especially with my biological family, who seemed to elect to go with the most popular persons opinion and or the one who insisted they were correct. My spouse told me some years ago that when his family got together to discuss a family issue, they ignored him as too young, so he stopped talking during these discussions.

Often, with my own family and his, we would suggest things to the person or persons who held the most power and were respected and listened to. They would quite often relate what we told them as their own idea or information or advice. Never acknowledging who the original idea or information came from. Pretending they came up with it, all on their own. At first this annoyed both my spouse and myself, then we realized (ego's aside) that it didn't matter as long as the solutions were communicated and implemented.

It was surprising to me that the advice rebounded as a good idea/solution, unacknowledged. The person who offered this second-hand wanted to be thought of as intelligent and respected and claimed the advice as their own.
 
Last edited:
WereBear said:
:fearscream:

I know, right?

I will share something amazing: I do Tarot Readings, for entertainment, to raise money for charity and make a little for myself. I probably could get a therapist's license on this experience alone; I've been doing it for three decades now.

Whether you believe/understand the idea of the Tarot cards, I can say that being seen as a "fortune teller" unlocks the doors between me and this total stranger.

They will tell me things that would take months to reveal in therapy. And I can be honest with them in return.

And they take it.

It's the surface. I am outside of their normal experience, so they don't react the way they would as though I were a "normal" person. I'm dressed in a gypsy costume, being consulted for "spectral knowledge" and then they listen to honesty and beg for more.
Click to expand...

Brilliant :)
Tempted to order a gypsy costume. Perhaps a bulk order for everybody!
 
Gritches said:
Yeah, I get this a lot. Pretty much everything you described, even the background story. It used to frustrate me, but I came to accept that NTs don't think logically and don't solve solve problems as efficiently and effectively as we do. The attitude that I take to deal with it is a form of not caring; I'll give them advice if they ask for it, it will be the correct advice, and if they knew like I knew they would follow that advice, but if they don't that's their problem. I will not repeat myself, I will not put in extra effort to try to help someone who doesn't want to listen in the first place - I threw them a life preserver, if they'd rather drown instead then nuts to them.
Click to expand...
NT's can think logically but they put herd/school of fish mentality above all else. Also, given that they, like most people, want to be considered cool they'll probably side with the "coolest" person of the group, which isn't you, me, or anyone on this thread. Though ASDs are cool, the current herd mentality of the NT world says they aren't. We are, at best, "special" or "sweet".
 
I think we expose the downsides of social cohesiveness. By placing consensus over facts, they are "socially comfortable" in that they aren't triggering dissent. But they are "reality uncomfortable" because they really aren't considering the best choice under the circumstances.

Like a situation I have only seen on movies: the high school committee decides on a theme for the dance, so they can decorate accordingly. Now it is important that they agree, or they will be working at cross purposes. But it doesn't matter what the theme is.

But this would be disastrous if they were figuring out something important. But they often seem not to be able to distinguish between the two different situations.
 
I've never been asked advice and have long since learned voicing my opinions about anything to anyone. They only want to hear what they want to hear and nothing else anyways, so whats the point?
 
nope said:
At this point of my life I actually have a group of female friends, and we mostly just goof around without having any "real" conversations. The problem is, whenever we do have a "real" conversation their POV tends to be mainstream and mine is something they would consider weird, and I've noticed that they don't always know how to respond and so either make a joke or change the subject.

The thing is, I don't have a lot of opinions but when I do I probably have done a serious amount of research on the subject and so know exactly when I'm talking about. So when my opinion is ignored or not taken seriously, I can't help but take it personally. Similarly, when friend X has a problem and is asking for advice and I've gone to great lengths to explain (in an inoffensive way) how idea A or idea B are shortsighted and can possibly put friend X in an even worse situation, I get annoyed when friend X ignores my reasonable suggestion in favor of idea A or idea B.

Can anyone relate?

(By the way, I may be on the spectrum but have come a long way from the stereotypical know-it-all with no people skills. If anything, perhaps due to all the years spent reading books on communication/psychology/social science/pop culture in my attempt to fit in, I tend to be more intuitive than most people about these things. Maybe I'm just frustrated because it doesn't seem like people trust me when I consider myself an expert on the subject.)
Click to expand...
The problem is probably that they don't know what to say and maybe they are realizing they are not as smart as they think they are. Also, I have found that some people don't like to be told things as if they are being talked down to. I don't know if that's it, of course, since I don't know you or anything about what was said. As far as them not taking your suggestions, people usually are going to do what they wanted to do in the first place. I'm just guessing, of course.
 
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