• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I'm 12 and my crush is 16.

@autism opossum

Besides being "non-sexual" how else would you characterize your relationship? What would it look like? Going on dates? Spending time with each other's family? What sort of things do you have in common?

How do you know it will stay "non-sexual?" Have you discussed this together?
 
The good news? You knew you had to ask. That you couldn't take such a thing for granted. And you'd be right. The bad news? The short answer would be," No".

Most 16 year olds I grew up with all wanted to be much older than they were. Can't happen allowing 12-year olds into your social orbit. Besides, in two years the 16-year old would be a legal adult and would be pressured to terminate such a friendship given how it may appear to others.

It may not be "fair", but it's just how it is. Wishful thinking is fine...but acting on such a thing, probably a bad idea. With the likelihood of getting hurt.
 
Last edited:
I am a parent, and I would not allow my 12 year old to be involved in a "relationship" with a 16 year old.

Another way to frame your question is, would you be in a "relationship" with a second grader? If the answer is no, then consider you are the second grader in this scenario.
 
Four years isn't a lot between people in their 60s, but it is when you are young, especial during the child/teen years. My general advice is to stick with people your own age till age 18,
 
autism opossum said:
Is it okay for us to be in a non-sexual relationship?
Click to expand...
At this age, as others mentioned. Friends, yes. Romantic friends, probably not. The reality at this age is that you two likely have totally different social circles and even if you made some attempt at a relationship, it probably wouldn't work. It's difficult enough even if you two were the same age and went to the same school if you two had different social circles. Been there, done that, and it's frustrating. Best to wait until you are 18 and he/she is 22, consenting adults, but chances are this other person will have moved on. I know, it sucks.

It's perfectly normal to have a crush on someone "untouchable or unreachable" when you're a teenager, even an adult, for that matter.
 
Last edited:
Sometimes we have crushes because at some level we know they are safe. Or to put it another way, it's going to remain a perfect dream that we can enjoy that will always be pristine and can never lead to disappointment.

The age difference, as others have pointed out, is significant at this stage in your lives. If you were 18 and they were 22 this would be less problematic. When I was 18 I knew lots of people who were 18 or 19 who had girlfriends or boyfriends in their early 20s. Others might not agree, but it is a fact that it wasn't uncommon.

Also at 16, I agree that most people want to be "more grown up" when they aren't mature enough really and lack the wisdom that unfortunately mostly only ever comes with age and experience.

Maybe, if it's meant to be, when you are at a more appropriate age you might end up together. But for now I think you should enjoy your friendship and your crush as crushes are a perfectly normal part of how you learn about what you value in a partner in the future :-)
 
Great news, you had enough smarts to ask here. At that age, you are still developing in your level of emotional intelligence. Sometimes what we want isn't in line with what we can truly handle. It's best that this stays truly just as a crush only.
 
Last edited:
A “relationship” between a 16 and 12 year old isn’t a relationship, it’s just grooming and power play. I don’t know what some of these people are thinking saying that this would be normal or appropriate. 16 is a sophomore in high school, 12 is just entering the 7th grade. The difference in maturity is drastic.
 
You may not realize it, but there is an entire gulf of neurological, psychological, and physical development, and the growth of maturity and worldview that happens between twelve and sixteen.

A sixteen year old with a twelve year old is always called one thing- child abuse.

The sixteen year old would go to prison.

Any adult who says otherwise deserves to be in prison as well.

I don't even think it's a good idea to be you to be just friends with a sixteen year old.
You really need to tell your parents, or a teacher.

You will not get in trouble. It is so important.
 
As a guy - 16 years old shouldn't date 12 years old.

Crushes don't make a good foundation for anything, unless it is crushed gravel which is decent for maybe a train track.

You are running a risk of being a victim of sexual assault, if the fellow is not a decent person. If he is genuinely a good person he will reject you politely.


Do not do it. Unless you are colleagues you should stick with the company of children your age.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom