I’m a failure

[Owliet]

I’m going to lose this job by June.
I took this as a maternity cover, and the person is coming back 80%. They have no room to keep me on. they told me this by email this morning at 9:05 am.
I have been struggling all day since.had a weird anxiety attack, feeling really anxious and heavy.
Never going to get any further opportunities.
I feel extremely disappointed, desolated, depressed. im going to go back to what I did before this.
It will be nothing,
Every time I get my hopes, confidence up something come around to knock it down again.
Start to wonder what is the point.
I did aall and more, and it’s still not enough. Nothing I do will ever be enough.
I’m just a waste of time and space.
Spent most of today fighting against tears. had tears during down moments.
Have finger nail marks on my hands.
Left work early.
if my muM wasn’t here I would probably have a bloody arm and be under the bed covers,im just an abject failure.
Have to go back tomorrow and pretend I’m ok. I’m not.

 

[Gerontius]

This job doesn't govern your worth as a human, Owl Girl.

That's what bosses want you to think, and the strange cruel metrics that we impose upon ourselves. There are other things in the world to do.

Get through the anxiety attack & then it is time to plan.

 

[Judge]

Indeed, one person's maternity status does not make another person a "failure".

Give yourself a break. Though many of us know what it's like to lose a job based on circumstances beyond our control- especially when they may have nothing to do with you personally. Sadly, it can happen.

 

[Owliet]

There’s no point even to try to socialize with work colleagues.
I’m not even worthwhile.
I’m going to be back to how I was before this and this frightening experience of being in a endless vortex of darkness and not seeing any way out. I start to make progress, and more obstacles come back up. I’m going to have to go back to playing nurse for my mother and then that’s all I am.
so back to no purpose. No independence. No income. Nothing.

 

[Judge]

That stinks But don`t be sad, you are not your job. You are much more than that. And there are a lot of jobs out there. It sounds like you didn`t do anything wrong that cost you the job, it wasn`t your fault or something you did. And you`re not a failure. Maybe this owl can make you smile just a little, even if you are having a rough day.

Good point. I'm often in the minority over this dynamic, however I've NEVER felt that work truly defines us.

That's just another insane social convention IMO. One that often contradicts a precarious economic climate where just finding a job, let alone hold it down can be quite arduous, no matter how qualified one may be.

 

[Owliet]

This is my first real job.
I got told that I do everything right and more, but I just won’t be continuing.
I find it difficult to verbally articulate myself right now.

 

[OkRad]

You are are not a failure. You are living in a failed system. Recognize that people only fail when living in a failed systems.

The world right now is filled with failed systems, people not working, supply chains destroyed, protests, Multi trillion dollar debts, no one answering phones.......look around, dear friend. YOU are not the problem. In a sane system, all your worth would shine forth.

Hang in there and never let a failed system hammer ideas you have of yourself. Don't be destroyed in a downturn. This will pass.

 

[Tom]

If I understand this correctly, you took this job as a temporary replacement for someone on maternity leave? So it was understood to be temp? If so, it is simply playing out as planned and shouldn't look bad on a resume. It was your first job. People often (usually) go thru several jobs in the beginning. Your just getting started, getting your feet wet, etc.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

The difference between a "problem" and an "opportunity" is your attitude towards the situation. Good news is that you have about 4 months to sort things out,...time,...time to find something similar,...that is, if this is what you like to do. Opportunity, because right now, the job market favors the employee,...employers are actively looking for help in many areas.

 

[Gerontius]

This is my first real job.
I got told that I do everything right and more, but I just won’t be continuing.
I find it difficult to verbally articulate myself right now.

Working world isn't fair very often; I wouldn't consider this something to worry too much about.

The classic solution would be, "Thanks for the heads'-up; can I use your contact as a reference?" and then go apply somewhere else. They're just jobs. Treating them like they're a whole separate home away from home defeats the purpose of going to work--to come home with some money!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

This job doesn't govern your worth as a human, Owl Girl.

That's what bosses want you to think, and the strange cruel metrics that we impose upon ourselves. There are other things in the world to do.

Get through the anxiety attack & then it is time to plan.

I gotta concur very strongly! In my career, I quit once, was out of work when the corporation was sold, and was fired once. Each time I picked up work while my main effort was to find a new position, something that I always succeeded at. I learned that the modern MBA parasites consider people both expendable and replaceable and being out of work was temporary. One is never their job, as I am learning that focusing on a tiny aspect of myself to the exclusion of the whole, as I had in the past, is the path to bitterness. In my life I have found that setbacks are temporary and fate knows I have seen many. @Owliet , I would give myself a day to have a pity party, then the next day plan and work on the next steps.

 

[Aspychata]

It's difficult for us on the spectrum. We do view everything as a failure in relation to jobs. You just gotta be a duck and just let it roll off your back. So much easier. You are a success, you held this job, it's on your resume. You should get a great reference. Just head out, tell prospective employers it was a great chance to show you are up to the task, and you did well. Then go home and eat a half gallon of ice cream as you filter thru the breakup of your current job.

 

[Owliet]

I hope that it’s ok if I respond tomorrow properly. I’m not really in the frame of mind. I did eat ice cream. Have a stress headache and I expected that from anxiety and emotional discharge but it still sucks. I’m in a low mood and I feel extremely overwhelmed by doubts and fears, a ton of negative thoughts. I hav3nt self harmed with the exception of nails in skin and tugging hair. My Mum is not letting me do anything further. Which is good but I feel like I really need to express that internal feeling to something external. I guess that explains why I’ve Been doing It since I was 11.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I lost my job a number of times during my career. My attitude was to plan around it, upgraded my education so when the next opportunity came blew any competitors out of the water.

 

[watersprite]

@Owliet I agree with @Forest Cat please don’t self harm.
You’re not seeing it at the moment but you are an amazing and good person.

 

[Luca]

Same thing happened to me once, everything was fine and the boss said he was pleased. He even mentioned something about a pay raise. A month later I was suddenly job-less with no pay at all. You didn`t do anything wrong, it`s one of those crappy things that happens sometime, even if you did your best. Remember, the important thing when you get knocked down, is to get back up. It will work out somehow, don`t give up.

This happened to me too, several times. I’m sorry it happened to you too, Forest Cat and Owliet.

You are not a failure @Owliet . You are you, and this job wasn’t the right fit for you.

I gave up on these kinds of jobs because I kept getting fired. I started my own business and although I had little faith in myself at first, I’m doing really well now and I am a lot happier in life
You will eventually find the right path for you. It’s not a race

All that matters is that you find something that’s the right fit and makes you feel good about getting up and going to work

 

[Owliet]

Spoke to my psychiatrist. Will see him on Monday to talk further. Found it difficult, but he said that I think of it as another way to have an opportunity. That it’s ok to be disappointed and upset but I can’t see it as me being a failure. And that I need strategies to prepare for handling this again.

today’s just been a bad day, I’m exhausted emotionally.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Good luck, do not lose belief in yourself.

 

[Crossbreed]

I got told that I do everything right and more,...

On a positive note, you now have current, flattering work references.
(Those are hard to get.)

 

[Gerontius]

Spoke to my psychiatrist. Will see him on Monday to talk further. Found it difficult, but he said that I think of it as another way to have an opportunity. That it’s ok to be disappointed and upset but I can’t see it as me being a failure. And that I need strategies to prepare for handling this again.

today’s just been a bad day, I’m exhausted emotionally.

The psych is probably correct. I wonder if you may feel like you've been rejected after investing a great amount of yourself into your job? Those jobs just aren't worth that; you don't have to give them your heart and soul.