I'm a mom trying to help my son

[momma7]

Hi-my son is 19 has dealt with withdrawal, few friends, anxiety, panic attacks , tactile defensiveness, difficulty with schoolwork, not wanting to go anywhere, since he was 9(at least when my dh and I finally realized something's up. Been to therapists and med dr to put on meds/doin better but absolutely no motivation at all, negative nvr sees good in things, sleeps on couch a lot, pale as ghost as he nvr goes out-BUT he is a great kid no problems with handling him-love able and just plain good-recently his therapist told me she thinks its functioning mild aspergers. When I looked it up I wanted to cry as it was him to a tee!! after all these years of other therapists no one ever mentioned this possibility-praising God that we cud finally b getting somewhere [emoji120]. She is having him get comprehensive neuropsychological testing done with a Neuropsych dr. Not quite sure what this will show- is there actual testing for mild aspergers-

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Hi, momma7, welcome to AC.

Asperger's is behaviorally diagnosed. Ie, if your son consistently does things and simply cannot get better at them, and those things have to do with behavior with other people, it's possible he may be an aspie.

It's how our brains are put together: the nerves that everyone uses to think with, are in a different arrangement for us. So we think differently. What most aspies do well is think about things and solve puzzles, but not so much the people stuff. And very, very many of us are really good at very specific things, but not with generalities. For example, I think it's silly to ask someone how their weekend was. It's their business. But I do it because I know it means a lot to the other person.

Asperger's is like that. Aspies, the people who have the different brain wiring, learn by rote how to deal with other people.

The autism spectrum sounds scary, but all it means is that people on it look at the world as a puzzle, and handle information better than they handle people.

It doesn't explain the sleeping, and he may have some other conditions that often occur with the Asperger brain.

Your part in all this? Love him, and you sound like you do. It was a good thing to reach out for an education, and I hope that here, you'll find things you need, and support that can walk you through it.

Cheers, and welcome to AC.

A4H

 

[Datura]

The excessive sleeping, lack of motivation, and negative thought patterns sound like classic depression. This is to say those things are not symptoms of Asperger's. However, having a condition like Asperger's can cause a great deal of difficulty when one comes up against the world, and this will often lead to depression and anxiety.

 

[Wolfmother]

hi, Momma7. Wanted to welcome you and express gladness for him and you that this may be very well give him a sort of user's manual for his life and experiences-to help him really focus on his strengths and bolster them and to help him by while knowing from where the challenges come. I was diagnosed at 46, just a couple months ago, and even at this late date it has helped me make sense of much and I am fixing a great deal.

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard

 

[momma7]

Wow, thanks everybody for your responses they are much appreciated and taken into consideration. He doesn't have anything that he's good at because he has absolutely no interests he'd rather sit around and do nothing he makes excuses not to go anywhere. It is sad because we want to spend time with him but he prefers to be alone. He currently goes to a community college and is in his second year asking if he can quit because he cannot take all the anxiety and nervousness and overwhelming as it gives him. He says college is hell for me(he struggled all through middle school and high school as well with getting all his work done was like pulling teeth)-and as parents are biggest concern is what will he do for a job? How will he get along in life if he complains about people so much and things so much?

 

[Elemental]

My method of dealing with work was to seek out jobs that had minimal contact with others like after hours cleaning, pre-opening store work, night shifts at factories. Many of us sacrifice our intelligence & skill set for low skilled low paid work which can fulfil our necessary maintainance criteria I used temporary employment agencies to minimize getting fixed in one location. I understand many Aspies do best at self employment & freelancing where this is possible, other people try to work in nature or with animals. It is common in ASD to have a very busy mind which requires absorbtion, if this need is not being met in external activity then whilst daydreaming & zoning out will suffice for a while, I think our capacity for serious shutdown will take over. There is a lot of success in using horse based activities: riding, management & befriending which has helped draw spectrum people out when their internal world has totally taken over.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Hi, momma7, welcome to AC.

It sounds like you may be on the verge of getting some answers. But I also agree with Datura that it sounds very much like your son is also suffering depression (and anxiety, as you wrote). For me, much of my depression comes from feeling different to the people around me. When I was a teen this difference became apparent to me and I went through my first depression (that I remember)... I lost interest in science, one of my favourite school subjects, and I hid in my room all the time. I've cycled through depressions since then (now 40), and I still find it hard feeling so different.

My now 6-year-old son went through a several-months-long depression at age 4. He lost interest in his favourite things, stopped playing, reading... At kindergarten/preschool he just wandered from activity to activity, not really engaging with other kids. Only with teachers. Every night he would cry at bedtime, "It's the end of the world..." We think he was coming to the realisation that he was fundamentally different to the other kids there.

Perhaps your son is acutely aware of how different, alien, he feels compared to his age peers... Just a thought.

 

[Progster]

Welcome, and good luck with the diagnosis. I hope you find some answers