I'm an Aspie, my partner is ADHD - anyone out there in the same boat?

[thian]

Hi Everyone
I have Aspergers and a doctor by profession. My partner has ADHD, and she is a stage personality by profession (fitness instructor, Singer, you name it)
I bring the logic, she makes people feel ALIVE.
This comes with its challenges from a relationship perspective - Both Neurodiverse, but both very different.
Looking for anyone that experience similar challenges in their personal lives.
Kind Regards
thian

 

[Magna]

Welcome. I don't exactly fit your situation. My wife is NT and I'm diagnosed Aspergers (ASD Level 1) and diagnosed ADHD. My wife and I are both very different but we find that our respective strengths assist with each other's respective weaknesses, challenges, etc.

Incidentally, I've heard that there's a theory that's been floated by a practitioner in the mental health/autism field which posits that Autism Level 1 and ADHD are really just the same thing because there are so many similarities between the two and can often be hard to distinguish.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Stuttermabolur]

I have been in that situation. In our case it didn't work out long term, though it was a nice experience to have. She felt very passionate and experienced strong feelings while I'm much more muted and passive, which caused some problems, but of course it also brought plenty of excitement into my life!

 

[Ella Spell]

I'm very autistic (moderate00() and ADHD. I have touble being in a relationship with anyone bc I like to be along a lone tu but this guy is a great Nt we have trauma in commmon.

 

[thian]

I have been in that situation. In our case it didn't work out long term, though it was a nice experience to have. She felt very passionate and experienced strong feelings while I'm much more muted and passive, which caused some problems, but of course it also brought plenty of excitement into my life!

Thank you Stuuermabolar

I have exactly what you had. And when my partner takes her ADHD meds we, connconnect because there is room for my logic in feeling driven mindset, but without the meds it's a nightmare.

What would you consider was the breaking point for your relationship and who called it off?

If you know what you know now, can you think of strategies that may have helped the relationship work out in the long term?

Thank you
thian

 

[thian]

Welcome. I don't exactly fit your situation. My wife is NT and I'm diagnosed Aspergers (ASD Level 1) and diagnosed ADHD. My wife and I are both very different but we find that our respective strengths assist with each other's respective weaknesses, challenges, etc.

Incidentally, I've heard that there's a theory that's been floated by a practitioner in the mental health/autism field which posits that Autism Level 1 and ADHD are really just the same thing because there are so many similarities between the two and can often be hard to distinguish.

Thank you for the reply Magna
much appreciated
thian

 

[thian]

I'm very autistic (moderate00() and ADHD. I have touble being in a relationship with anyone bc I like to be along a lone tu but this guy is a great Nt we have trauma in commmon.

Thank you for the reply Ella.
Much appreciated.

We also have common ground and that is what's keeping us together.
Our differences though are pulling as apart.

Looking for strategies to deal with the diffirences
kind regards
thian

 

[thian]

Thank you for the reply Magna
much appreciated
thian

We experience similar growth by learning and adopting each other's strong points.
I am searching for strategies how to deal with our fundamental differences,
kind regards
thian

 

[Magna]

We also have common ground and that is what's keeping us together.
Our differences though are pulling as apart.

@thian I would highly recommend that you check out the Aspergers Autism Network. A non-profit on the east coast of the U.S. but with online resources available anywhere. They specifically have resources, zoom groups, etc for couples. Couples/Partners – The Asperger / Autism Network (AANE)

They also have zoom groups of many different kinds. I've been part of one of their zoom groups for autistic adults for about three years now. In my own experience they're the best autism related organization I've ever dealt with.

In addition to having zoom groups for autistic people, they also have zoom groups for partners/spouses that are in a relationship/marriage with an autistic person. That might be something that your wife would find useful.

 

[Ella Spell]

Thank you for the reply Ella.
Much appreciated.

We also have common ground and that is what's keeping us together.
Our differences though are pulling as apart.

Looking for strategies to deal with the diffirences
kind regards
thian

Sorry that was a bit incoherent. I didn’t have my glasses lol

 

[tree]

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Thank you Stuuermabolar

I have exactly what you had. And when my partner takes her ADHD meds we, connconnect because there is room for my logic in feeling driven mindset, but without the meds it's a nightmare.

What would you consider was the breaking point for your relationship and who called it off?

If you know what you know now, can you think of strategies that may have helped the relationship work out in the long term?

Thank you
thian

Sorry for the late reply. She didn't know she had ADHD at the time so she didn't take medication for it. I think the breaking point in large part stemmed for me not talking about my feelings, and her expecting me to feel a certain way (among others). Long term, I don't think things would have worked out for us even if the smaller rumples would have been smoothed out. We are simply too different, though we are still friends.

I think better communication and honesty about our feelings, even the more difficult ones would have helped.

Anyways, I wish you the very best in your ventures!

 

[Tom]

Yes. I tend to think of it as a Katamaran. Sometimes my side gets out of the water, sometimes hers, but we tend to balance each other out.

 

[1ForAll]

I have a wife with severer ADHD. I have possibly Autism for me, but I have both very structured and empathetic side. Her and I have compatible differences and some similar interests. She has a very friendly, humorous, creative and energetic side to offset her worrying side, and this helps me the rarer times I need a lift or am down..

She has far more limitations and sensitivities than I, but I have a high tolerance for stress and ability to adapt and do most things inside and outside without complaint, as that stuff comes pretty easy and natural for me. We've been together nineteen years, two years as a live in couple prior to the seventeen years of marriage.

Such ND relationships, similar to others, will be a hit or miss obviously based on strengths, limitations, tolerances, efforts, ability to compromise, interests and needs.