I'm angry and sad at the person who gave birth to me/ the other person who pretended to raise me.

[aspieman2396]

I remember that I posted about the issues I had with first said individual, and I went back on my promise to myself due to some family emergency, we later reconciled and we were good for a while. Until last month, I found out she was in my city. I had agreed to meet with her and see her for a while, but the day we agreed, I was working in another part of the city and she said that "No, it has to be at this place and time". Knowing full well, I was working and very busy at work. I later find out through Facebook and Whatsapp that she went to the Mall instead and later a party. My resentment came back tenfold because I was actually looking forward to putting this all behind us but she had to mess it up with her diva/narcissistic attitude. She didn't even attempt, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ATTEMPT. TO MAKE THE EFFORT TO COME AND SEE HER SON. I wanted a hug, a simple hug at least to just let me know that I am going to be Okay. I blocked her again, this time I won't be that stupid.

As with my stepmom, I feel the same way, I really thought she was different, but no more of the same.

I am starting to convince myself that I have no Mom. I just hope that whoever I marry is a good mom to my kids. I'm scared, alone and vulnerable.

I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record or a hypocrite. It's just that I am a kind and forgiving person, that's my biggest problem, People hurt me and I keep forgiving them.

 

[Fino]

Maybe instead of thinking of it as "forgiving," thinking of it as "letting them hurt you again."

"You know what, I'm gonna let you hurt me again."

Then maybe you'll be more reluctant to do it.

I don't think you sound like a broken record or a hypocrite if that helps at all, because I don't remember your previous posts and because I don't know what would make you a hypocrite.

 

[aspieman2396]

Maybe instead of thinking of it as "forgiving," thinking of it as "letting them hurt you again."

"You know what, I'm gonna let you hurt me again."

Then maybe you'll be more reluctant to do it.

I don't think you sound like a broken record or a hypocrite if that helps at all, because I don't remember your previous posts and because I don't know what would make you a hypocrite.

I feel stupid letting myself get hurt again.

 

[Fino]

I feel stupid letting myself get hurt again.

It makes sense to feel that, and I've experienced similar feelings. I imagine what it would be like if I were them and I imagine that I would like to get another chance and can change and so I give them that and it doesn't work. Because they're not me. They're them. Remembering that I'm me and they're them is one of the most important things I remind myself of, as silly as it may sound.

You're not stupid, though. It's impossible to be good and stupid at the same time. You were good. I'm proud of you!

 

[aspieman2396]

Remember the scene from Aquaman when Arthur hugged his Mom again?, That's what I wanted, to hug her again. I actually had a dream that we hugged again. This is really frustrating and saddening.

 

[Wolfnox]

I hear you. You just want to know they love you and instead your ignored by them. My advice forgive them and let go.

 

[Pats]

I'm sorry your mom had so little concern. We all need our mom's and sometimes they just aren't there as we need them to be. It hurts. Did she come into town to see you or for some other reason - like the party?

 

[Aspychata]

I always thought of Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip. She represents the mom figure holding the football representing love. Then Charlie Brown runs and tries to kick the football,and Lucy always withdraws the love or football right when he tries to kick it. When l see it this way, it helps me understand that it's not my fault, and l don't take it personally. Therapy in a comic strip, who knew? lol

 

[Pinecones]

I feel similarly. It sucks. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It's painful for me to acknowledge that my parents are very broken people who are toxic to my health. I've had to completely cut the cord; no contact, no reciprocation, NOTHING. I'm so much healthier for it. It's so liberating to not be in their toxic sh*tstorm anymore. But it hurts, and it's sad. I look all around me and I see loving, functional families; I see mothers snuggling their adult children and father texting their children about how much he loves them. And I don't know what that's like. I wonder if it will ever stop being surreal. I wonder if I will ever understand it. I wonder if I will ever be able to perpetuate that kind of love and emotional intimacy in my life in spite of how I was raised.

A friend recently shared his opinion with me; Waking up one day and finally realizing that your parents are JUST PEOPLE, just like you and every one else, and they have flaws and they're not perfect and they're not some kind of superhero- the day you realize that is the day you become and adult, the day you mature.
Now, I'm not saying I agree fully with that, but it does have some weight to it. Realizing that the people who raised me are just people- that I don't owe them anything, and that the 'relationship' we're 'supposed' to have is just an romantic idea created by our culture? That is liberating. Not saying having emotional intimacy, unconditional love, and a familial connection is bogus, just that it's not strictly reserved for the people who created you.

 

[Bolletje]

I’m sorry. It must be very painful to just want that expression of love and acceptance and to not get it. I hope you can find some closure about this situation soon. Even if it is by deciding not to expect anything from your bio mom or step mom ever again.