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I'm fairly dependent on this forum for friends

Pats

Pats

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've become dependent on this forum for my socializing. Sometimes I just come up with something to talk about because I like hearing back from you. I get aggravated when I hear something negative said about on-line communities and that they aren't real because I feel like they are real. Matter of fact, more real than people in real life.
I don't like talking to people on the phone - don't know what to say. I'm in a panic state when I try to socialize in person. Here, it's okay to not agree, but we're sharing thoughts and feelings that are real. So when I feel like I want to be around friends, or I want to talk - this is where I turn. And we can all actually relate to each other, which I'm so not used to.

A lady at church a couple weeks ago told me she was a lot like me, that if she had her way she'd stay home. I wanted to ask her if she'd go as far as asking her boss to put her on a weekend shift to avoid having to go out with her husband to socialize? Yep, exactly what I did. I was working all week then on weekends my husband would want us to go sit at the bike shop and talk to other bikers, or go sit at this coffee shop where the same people gather all the time and socialize, or go meet with another group of his friends to play music. So I asked my boss to put me on the weekend shift and I had all week to myself and worked weekends so I didn't have to go do these things. But he didn't seem to understand "I need time to myself".
Now I'm alone and I like it, but I do want friends and want people to talk to and here I am. I really like you all and I enjoy my time with you all - so is that acceptable to rely on this forum for friends?

By the way - my fingernails actually hurt if I don't have clear nail polish on them.
 
Pats said:
Now I'm alone and I like it, but I do want friends and want people to talk to and here I am. I really like you all and I enjoy my time with you all - so is that acceptable to rely on this forum for friends?
Click to expand...

Such sentiments sound just a tad familiar. ;)

Sure. Why not?

Makes perfect sense to me and no doubt many others here. That many of us have a "love/hate" relationship with humanity. It's true. And within this domain it's ok to be so. It's who- and what we are. :)
 
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It is the contemporary form of pen pals (with many more amenities, being instantaneous).

Neurds, being rare, it is harder to find each other IRL amidst a sea of NTs.
 
Pats said:
so is that acceptable to rely on this forum for friends?
Click to expand...

If you enjoy being on here and feel 'at home' then it absolutely is acceptable :)

I've noticed that everyone seems to like you @Pats so it's obvious you bring a positive contribution to the forum. Often, online friends are just about all we can manage. There's no harm in staying within our limitations :)
 
I think it's okay, and I think I have friends here.
Husband and I used to work all the holidays, he even worked christmas every other year so neither my family or his would expect us to be there.

Thanksgiving was the worst, where we would actually take seasonal jobs at a tax company on top of our full-time ones, so we didn't have to show up after some thirty years of doing so.

Good thing about forums, is that when you feel like writing, you can express your ideas pretty much anytime of the day or night and someone could respond. But you get to choose when and how and why and no one is forcing you to reply (like real life) unless you want to.
 
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Pats said:
Don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've become dependent on this forum for my socializing. Sometimes I just come up with something to talk about because I like hearing back from you. I get aggravated when I hear something negative said about on-line communities and that they aren't real because I feel like they are real. Matter of fact, more real than people in real life.
I don't like talking to people on the phone - don't know what to say. I'm in a panic state when I try to socialize in person. Here, it's okay to not agree, but we're sharing thoughts and feelings that are real. So when I feel like I want to be around friends, or I want to talk - this is where I turn. And we can all actually relate to each other, which I'm so not used to.

A lady at church a couple weeks ago told me she was a lot like me, that if she had her way she'd stay home. I wanted to ask her if she'd go as far as asking her boss to put her on a weekend shift to avoid having to go out with her husband to socialize? Yep, exactly what I did. I was working all week then on weekends my husband would want us to go sit at the bike shop and talk to other bikers, or go sit at this coffee shop where the same people gather all the time and socialize, or go meet with another group of his friends to play music. So I asked my boss to put me on the weekend shift and I had all week to myself and worked weekends so I didn't have to go do these things. But he didn't seem to understand "I need time to myself".
Now I'm alone and I like it, but I do want friends and want people to talk to and here I am. I really like you all and I enjoy my time with you all - so is that acceptable to rely on this forum for friends?

By the way - my fingernails actually hurt if I don't have clear nail polish on them.
Click to expand...
I won't go into my friendship problem; I've talked about it enough and most of you know. However, I have to say that this forum is as close to friends as I have ever gotten. I have no problem with this. I know I will almost certainly never meet any of you, yet I still feel a commonality with everyone. We may not ever meet face to face, but we are not "virtual" people or AIs either. Every one of us is a real human being. The upshot is: yes, I think it is perfectly acceptable to rely on us as friends.
 
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I just commented on the "complainers" thread with a sentiment related to this and I just wanted to say that I commented that before I saw this thread LOL

Magic! :eek::D

Also, I had an almost identical thought/question to myself a couple times recently but I didn't develop it like you did. I just thought, "Am I using this forum to fill my need for socializing?" then I probably forgot I asked that and incidentally moved on. :rolleyes:
 
I understand your "good thing/bad thing" assessment. Like everyone else, I believe it is a good thing for all the reasons you and others explain. This site represents familiarity to me. I don't have the memory to accrue everyone's life details, but I like the way they communicate their perspectives. We are all diverse and I appreciate alternative views on issues. It's like a social event with different topics under discussion, but we can handle it and manage it at our own pace and in our own way. There is a serene comfort in that. I look forward to this forum the same way I used to run home from school to watch a favorite TV show. It's a good way to enter a friendly and interesting world of people with something interesting to say. I like the sense of adventure. You never know what the issues are until you show up.
 
Fino said:
"Am I using this forum to fill my need for socializing?"
Click to expand...
For me, in a word, YES. Since I am incapable of socializing the usual way, this is pretty much all I've got. I appreciate it. Thank you everyone, even the ones where we disagree.
 
This forum is sort of like the old usenet forums that existed in the early days of the internet. Everybody on a newsgroup was there because they had a certain interest, and they could discuss it with civility. If you stepped out of line you were called out immediately, and you either shaped up or left. No mods, no idiotic rules.

Today it seems as if the art of civil, respectful conversation has been mostly forgotten. The few forums that are left have all sorts of bizarre social rules, you have to see things EXACTLY as the owner/mods do or you get kicked off. Most people have migrated to "social media" where you have to put your entire life on display, and that life has to be so wonderful and happy and pleasant, and if it's not there are real world consequences and scary ones, getting fired from your job, getting kicked out of your apartment, getting disowned, even getting dragged away in the middle of the night by the cops and disappearing.

There is a faceless rent-a-mob of "trolls" that if you accidentally cross them they make your life a living hell or call upon your head the previously mentioned consequences, then they laugh and say "hey, no free speech on the internet, and if you try we screw you, have fun!" It seems as if the "autists" that the rent-a-mob hates so much are actually the last civil, calm, understanding people on the net. Weird.
 
@oregano , your post reminded me of a quote attributed to Gandhi.

When asked what he thought about western civilization, he responded,

"I think it would be a good idea...!"
 
Crossbreed said:
@oregano , your post reminded me of a quote attributed to Gandhi.

When asked what he thought about western civilization, he responded,

"I think it would be a good idea...!"
Click to expand...

The version I read said that the question referenced ENGLISH civilization. The questioner was referring to India's colonial overlord.
 
Pats, I fell the same way. I enjoy this forum a lot and look forward to reading posts. I feel comfortable here with people that I consider friends.
 
l don't do well in social situations. And since my divorce, l really need my alone time. My life sadly has shoved me around a bunch of people l have no interest in what so ever, and now l seek being alone even more. But this forum represents a tangent of society that l would never meet otherwise.
 
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