I'm getting discouraged about friendships

[nintendogurl1990]

I can't seem to be successful in making and keeping friends no matter how hard I try.

On making friends: Whenever I want to be friends with someone sometimes I end up annoying them by sending them tons of emails, phone calls, or Facebook messages until they block me, and/or either say that they I'm forcing a friendship, or flat out that they don't f***ing like me. Now I get too scared to call that person to hang out or talk to because I'm afraid they won't want to hang out or talk.

On keeping friends: It's difficult for me to keep my friendships because everyone else is busy with school or work and I can't do either one, so I'm just stuck at home all day. When I was in high school I knew what everyone was up to because I was with them all the time, so it made it easier to establish hangouts and get-togethers with them. Now that school's over it's harder to keep track of what everyone's doing.

I think I'm better off alone, with no one to talk to or to hang out with because friendships are just too exhausting for me. I want to have friends but it's just too hard for me to keep up with them.

 

[GhettoButterFly]

Hm... I am in a similar situation. Most of my friends are either older than me or work for a living. So it is hard to hang out with them. You could try college, although it is much different in college than it is in high school. I am no longer bothered trying to keep up with people and their day to day lives. I just take it as it goes. If they lose contact, that be ok. At least I treasure what memories I had of them. ^_^;

Enjoy the friendships you had and do have. I am sure they'll do the same if they are any sense of kind person.

 

[Geordie]

Making friends? I try not to be scared and just say 'hi'.

Keeping them? I feel you, maybe you can try meeting up with them?

 

[katcha]

My only advice would be... be true to yourself. It's not worth having a friend if you have to act differently to get them. You'll meet someone eventually who values you for your obsessive sending of emails, etc.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Recently a guy in my neighborhood commented on the fact that I always seem to be alone. He said something about doesn't it suck? Well, yes, but I have learned that there are worse things than being alone. Making friends with the wrong type of people is one of them. I think he may be trying to put a move on me and if so I will have to nip it in the bud. There are so many reasons why I am not interested in him, mainly the fact that we have very little in common, I don't like his habit of constantly spitting everywhere (yuck, reminds me of a puppy who isn't housebroken!), and he hangs around with people who shall I say have questionable lifestyles. I work too damn hard to have what little I have taken away because of someone else's cavalier attitude towards the law.

Were I so foolish as to get involved with him, I know what would happen. Sooner or later my oddities would cause him to turn against me. It could happen while he is drinking with some of the other neighbors who have known me a long time. My name would come up, and not in a good way. Then the character dissection would start. Let's top this one. Pretty soon they'd all be laughing behind my back. And at that point, he would have chosen against me, regardless of anything else he might say. No, I am not going down that road.

 

[Geordie]

We're not odd, if we do, we're unique to shape the world of the future. Don't worry about relationships, it's just one factor to success.

 

[Arashi222]

Actually I get what you are saying. I have the same issue. I usually can make a few friends but keeping them...I tend to make people turn away because they can't handle my obsessions or my constant need to have things being the same every day the fact that I don't do spontaneous. Or that I get upset when someone promises me something and then turns around and tells me I'm the freak because I want what they said they would do. I have one close family friend who is considered family and one friend from work that I've known since I started 11yrs ago. I guess I like to try, knowing that I am probably going to get really hurt, and hope that this time is different.

 

[2010Dolby]

Actually I get what you are saying. I have the same issue. I usually can make a few friends but keeping them...I tend to make people turn away because they can't handle my obsessions or my constant need to have things being the same every day the fact that I don't do spontaneous. Or that I get upset when someone promises me something and then turns around and tells me I'm the freak because I want what they said they would do. I have one close family friend who is considered family and one friend from work that I've known since I started 11yrs ago. I guess I like to try, knowing that I am probably going to get really hurt, and hope that this time is different.

That seems to be a pretty common trait with aspies. We can make casual friends and acquantiences but keeping them around long term is a lot harder then it is for NTs

 

[Arashi222]

2010Dobly: Yah I wonder why that is though. I mean I understand that its a trait for us but like I just get sooo like I can't let go when someone hurts me like that, yet i keep hoping that this time will be different. This time the person is gonna understand. This time I won't be called a drama llama or freak (the drama llama thing is from a recent exfriend who called me that instead of trying to work through or talk about things). Its nice to be around people who get it though. Thanks!

 

[Gomendosi]

I have begun to think I am not supposed to have any proper friends, I think that when I was born I was allotted a certain amount of best friendships and I sunk all of mine so, as of the last person I thought was going to be my new “besty”, I will now and forever, remain friendless.

Acquaintance is the new friend anyway, look at all these jerks on fazeboob and the like that have thousands of mates and then have to start a new account for their “real” friends, and then a new account for their “best” friends, and then a new account so their family can contact them?
Sorry, that there was a little rant at one of my brothers who got upset when I wouldn’t friend him on fazeboob, I said, it isn’t even your real account and who the hell are these other people? You don’t even know them… what are you gonna do if they all wanna talk at once. He hasn’t talked to me since and that was years ago!




:beardM: