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I’m new to the group

C

Consultingmom

Member
Hello everyone.

My name is Amy. I am the mom to a wonderful 14 year old son who is on the spectrum. I actually came to this group to maybe get some suggestions on a delicate situation. My son is nonverbal and has reached the oh so fun teen years and all that goes with that. What we have run into now is him getting erections and exposing himself in school. I am trying to figure out how to make him understand that’s not okay in public. I don’t want him to do something like that because he doesn’t understand and end up exposing himself to another kid. Has anyone run into this and how have you handled it? I’m open to suggestions.
 
Welcome to the forum. What does the school think about that? I am surprised they are letting him continue to be there, until that situation was resolved, as yes that would adversely affect the other children and their learning. Is home-schooling an option? It would be hard to know what else to suggest without knowing more his cognitive abilities and how he communicates with you and others.
 
Actually very common behavior that they run into in special education. We are just people on the spectrum and not (except perhaps a few exceptions) educators, behavior specialists, mental health workers, etc. What type of school setting is he in and what have the teachers/specialists said about it? Whatever approach you adopt it is best if the parent(s) and educators are both on the same page and working in coordination.
 
Tom said:
Actually very common behavior that they run into in special education. We are just people on the spectrum and not (except perhaps a few exceptions) educators, behavior specialists, mental health workers, etc. What type of school setting is he in and what have the teachers/specialists said about it? Whatever approach you adopt it is best if the parent(s) and educators are both on the same page and working in coordination.
Click to expand...
 
He is in a life skills setting half the day and he spends the other half of the day in private ABA therapy. This is all relatively new behavior but they school hasn’t expressed anything negatively to me. His dad and I are in discussions about how to deal with it. For the time being we are sending him in compression boxer briefs and pants instead of shorts in the hopes to alleviate some of the “access”. As I mentioned in my OP he is nonverbal so I’m not sure how much he will understand and I don’t want to shame him in any way.
 
Just a thought, that maybe the opposite approach clothing wise might help if what you are already trying doesn't seem to help. That is loose clothing so that it might not be that uncomfortable when it happens.

I am a bit suprised the school hasn't talked about it with you. That is one of those things that they usually try to work on quickly. There is nothing wrong with you bringing it up with them.

I am not trained in it, and just pick up parts by osmosis as I also hear the online courses my wife has taken in it. She's a Special Ed Master teacher and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. I will share a few random thoughts. One thing I learned is one of the first steps is trying to figure out your son's motivation to do it. Is it because he is physically uncomfortable, is it because he is rewarded in some way by the attention it gets, etc. Usually the basic approach involves not giving any special attention to it, no emotional responses. Just perhaps an aid escorting him to bathroom to redress. If he understands language or can be given instructions in some form (some use picture cards) you can make a reward for completing a day without doing it. Giving him positive attention then.

Your right there is no place in instruction for negativity, shame or blame. Always keep it postive or neutral.
 
welcome to af.png
 
Hello, no adult autist that have gone to ABA therapy recomend it. ABA is recomended by NT parents who want their kids to be more normal and by therapist that earn money doing ABA therapy. Many of the supossed advancement done by kids there are at the internal cost of fear, lack of self steem and traumas. So my first recomendation for you is to go to some autism association and do speak with adult autists.

Secondly, being non verbal is abot not speaking and has nothing to do with non understanding, thats a very different thing. Many non speakers will comunicate themselves with enchanced communication systems when they feel ready to do, which in some cases may be related (or not) with feeling accepted and respected the way they are. Its very common that non speakers will communicate (verbally or not) with just some selected people and not others.

About the pennis thing, this may be (or not) that he is allowed to show his pennis at some places and has taken it as an allowance rule. We (autists) tend to think rigidly, so if we can show our pennis at home we may not understand that its not correct to do so at other places. And if we can do certain things with out parents, why not with the teacher, the policeman or the shopkeeper? Those social rules of what is correct to do which every possible person may be difficult to learn. Let me share you some training for this: https://raisingchildren.net.au/auti...sonal-boundaries-activity-children-3-15-years

This is something very general, but I really recomend you searching for a good proffesional recomended by adult autists. Your child may be understanding his reality in a very different way that we are not even to imagine. Each one of us is very different.

Also, I recomend you to learn the basics about Autism yourself. The following book may be of help for you: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ny...eview/neurotribes-by-steve-silberman.amp.html

Best of luck.
 
Welcome.

I'm stuck on the part that you don't want to shame your son about exposing himself but seemingly to the detriment of those around him as if preventing shame to him is more important than the effect his exposition of his genitals may have on others. I don't get that.

If he's at home and you decide that he's free to walk around naked all day, that's your prerogative. However, that can be a very traumatic experience to others who are not expecting and not ok with him exposing his genitals.

This is definitely a serious problem for you. I hope you're able to resolve it for his sake, your sake and for the sake of those around him.
 
Atrapa Almas said:
Hello, no adult autist that have gone to ABA therapy recomend it. ABA is recomended by NT parents who want their kids to be more normal and by therapist that earn money doing ABA therapy. Many of the supossed advancement done by kids there are at the internal cost of fear, lack of self steem and traumas. So my first recomendation for you is to go to some autism association and do speak with adult autists.

Secondly, being non verbal is abot not speaking and has nothing to do with non understanding, thats a very different thing. Many non speakers will comunicate themselves with enchanced communication systems when they feel ready to do, which in some cases may be related (or not) with feeling accepted and respected the way they are. Its very common that non speakers will communicate (verbally or not) with just some selected people and not others.

About the pennis thing, this may be (or not) that he is allowed to show his pennis at some places and has taken it as an allowance rule. We (autists) tend to think rigidly, so if we can show our pennis at home we may not understand that its not correct to do so at other places. And if we can do certain things with out parents, why not with the teacher, the policeman or the shopkeeper? Those social rules of what is correct to do which every possible person may be difficult to learn. Let me share you some training for this: https://raisingchildren.net.au/auti...sonal-boundaries-activity-children-3-15-years

This is something very general, but I really recomend you searching for a good proffesional recomended by adult autists. Your child may be understanding his reality in a very different way that we are not even to imagine. Each one of us is very different.

Also, I recomend you to learn the basics about Autism yourself. The following book may be of help for you: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ny...eview/neurotribes-by-steve-silberman.amp.html

Best of luck.
Click to expand...
With all due respect, my question is not related to my son’s therapy. ABA has been a huge help for him. To answer your question, no he is not allowed to expose himself at home. Yes I understand that even though he is non verbal he understands a lot but i
Magna said:
Welcome.

I'm stuck on the part that you don't want to shame your son about exposing himself but seemingly to the detriment of those around him as if preventing shame to him is more important than the effect his exposition of his genitals may have on others. I don't get that.

If he's at home and you decide that he's free to walk around naked all day, that's your prerogative. However, that can be a very traumatic experience to others who are not expecting and not ok with him exposing his genitals.

This is definitely a serious problem for you. I hope you're able to resolve it for his sake, your sake and for the sake of those around him.
Click to expand...
Magna said:
Welcome.

I'm stuck on the part that you don't want to shame your son about exposing himself but seemingly to the detriment of those around him as if preventing shame to him is more important than the effect his exposition of his genitals may have on others. I don't get that.

If he's at home and you decide that he's free to walk around naked all day, that's your prerogative. However, that can be a very traumatic experience to others who are not expecting and not ok with him exposing his genitals.

This is definitely a serious problem for you. I hope you're able to resolve it for his sake, your sake and for the sake of those around him.
Click to expand...
 
Consultingmom said:
With all due respect, my question is not related to my son’s therapy. ABA has been a huge help for him. To answer your question, no he is not allowed to expose himself at home. Yes I understand that even though he is non verbal he understands a lot but i
Click to expand...
Magna said:
Welcome.

I'm stuck on the part that you don't want to shame your son about exposing himself but seemingly to the detriment of those around him as if preventing shame to him is more important than the effect his exposition of his genitals may have on others. I don't get that.

If he's at home and you decide that he's free to walk around naked all day, that's your prerogative. However, that can be a very traumatic experience to others who are not expecting and not ok with him exposing his genitals.

This is definitely a serious problem for you. I hope you're able to resolve it for his sake, your sake and for the sake of those around him.
Click to expand...

what I mean is I don’t want to shame him about something that is natural. He is a teenage boy and shouldn’t be made to feel shame about the things that naturally occur to the body especially at that age. I of course do not wish him to expose himself to any other person. No he is not allowed to walk around my house naked, that is not the type of household that I have.
 
Consultingmom said:
With all due respect, my question is not related to my son’s therapy. ABA has been a huge help for him.
Click to expand...

I am not the one who needs your "all due respect". Its your son the one who needs to feel that he is and will be loved the way he is. Not trained like a dog because to deserve love and acceptance he needs to behave in a certain way.

How has your soon told you that the therapy has been a huge help for him? Or you have decided to think that for your own sake?

When he will become an adult and if he choose to communicate with you how was your ABA healing experience, you may be the one needing therapy.

Do you think that every autists taking that therapy got traumas and recomend against it, but your own son will be the first one to be miracously healed and he will be the first one to recomend ABA to others?

You will be the one needing help and "due respect" once you understand what you are actually doing to your son.

Just search for an autist parent who was subjet to ABA and now is using ABA on their own childs. You wont find anyone. Why? Why do you think that non a single "healed" Autist would put theirs childrens into ABA therapy?

Best of luck.
 
Can you sit down with the school and discuss how to handle it? This seems to be very important issue and this forum may not be prepared to offer advice on such a behavior specific issue.

It's great you did buy pants that help. Perhaps he just has a sensitivity issue regarding the material content? Maybe take him to buy underwear and tell him at that time, they need to stay on? That perhaps his participation in picking out will motivate him to leave them on. Some of us are sensitive to scratchy material. And that may cause him to want to remove garments. Maybe hand draw a book with him in it and show only places pants come off. Like bathroom, bedroom. By making it a personal story with his likeness and name, he may be involved and understand.

Good luck. It helps other parents understand what can happen and how to move forward. My daughter threw her mittens down on the snow. I had to say you can't go out if you don't wear these. Now l understand maybe she didn't like the texture of the mittens. But she did put them on. I felt strongly about very soft material for her clothes, so we had no issues.
 
Hi and Welcome @Consultingmom

Wow have you jumped straight in there with your question. Well done!
As you have seen and will see we have a wide range of opinions in here, and people and generally happy to try to help.
 
Consultingmom said:
What we have run into now is him getting erections and exposing himself in school. I am trying to figure out how to make him understand that’s not okay in public. I don’t want him to do something like that because he doesn’t understand and end up exposing himself to another kid. Has anyone run into this and how have you handled it? I’m open to suggestions.
Click to expand...
Neonatal RRT said:
@Crossbreed...any thoughts on this topic?
Click to expand...
I am not sure what I can offer.
I have an ASD2 [verbal] son, 34, who has ejaculated in public and is public with his fetishes, such as women's pink goose-down coats. (I have never seen him do it, so I don't know if it was through his clothes or that he pulled it out.)
He has a mental age of 6-10yo, but I think his executive function is somewhat lower.
He lives in a supervised apartment, so he is free to do whatever he thinks he can get away with.

I have an ASD3 [nonverbal] ward/daughter, 27, with a mental age of 18mos. Like any other 18mo, she is not embarrassed to strip naked on a whim, but will redress with a reminder.
When she was younger, she would sometimes M through her clothes out in family spaces. We would either divert her attention or have her go into her room to finish.

Is your son able to communicate through nonverbal means or devices, or is he preliterate in his development (like my daughter)?

If he is the former, you would need to try to communicate through that means.

If he is the latter (as I suspect), he is a toddler in a pubescent body. His capacity to consider social mores might be limited.
IMX, teaching him to release himself in private settings (like in his home shower) might settle him down in public.
 
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