im turning into my dad?

[madisen622]

ive always had this intense fear of turning into my dad, he's an awful person to everyone around him. unfortunately the more i grow up i face this realization that i am turning into him and i have his habits. what bothers me the most is its not intentional, i never see our similarities. we both have an awful temper when people don't respond the way we want them too as a major example. i feel like less than twenty minutes ago i metaphorically got punched in the gut, my coworker asked if i wanted to decorate the gingerbread we have for the contest at my work. i said "no im sorry, im not feeling the christmas spirit. i haven't in a while." my dad is the only person i know who doesn't enjoy christmas and after the realization i said that it got to me SO MUCH. im sitting outside the hall as i type this i feel like my heart's in my throat (metaphorically once again of course). im sorry for the vent im just scared and so lost, i have so much on my mind. thanks for listening.

 

[Suzanne]

I know the feeling. The female I well, don't even hate now; all emotions of her have gone, because she is just some vague figure and that is female birth parent ( can't even call her the traditional name - ah, well, guess that is some kind of emotion)! But, of all things, out of my siblings, I feel I resemble her the most and it SICKENS me to the core and thus, I hate my face! However, get this. I actually look like my beloved granny, but so does her daughter and my brain has scrabbled it all up and no matter how I try, I see the wrong person when I look in the mirror.

It was terrible, because one day, many year's ago now, I visited a sister and some people said to me: wow, you look so much like your M and I felt myself go numb with horror and my poor sister just said; please don't say that to her.

Think of this: many do not feel the spirit of this time of year. I personally do not celebrate it, so feel free from all the hassle involved.

I am here if you want to chat.

 

[madisen622]

I know the feeling. The female I well, don't even hate now; all emotions of her have gone, because she is just some vague figure and that is female birth parent ( can't even call her the traditional name - ah, well, guess that is some kind of emotion)! But, of all things, out of my siblings, I feel I resemble her the most and it SICKENS me to the core and thus, I hate my face! However, get this. I actually look like my beloved granny, but so does her daughter and my brain has scrabbled it all up and no matter how I try, I see the wrong person when I look in the mirror.

It was terrible, because one day, many year's ago now, I visited a sister and some people said to me: wow, you look so much like your M and I felt myself go numb with horror and my poor sister just said; please don't say that to her.

Think of this: many do not feel the spirit of this time of year. I personally do not celebrate it, so feel free from all the hassle involved.

I am here if you want to chat.

thank you for the sympathy. im so sorry you've gone through all of this, no one deserves that. i hope things get better for you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think as we age, we become exaggerations of ourselves. I am happy because it is making me a bit kinder and more positive.

Sorry that you seem discouraged by emulating a negative role model.

 

[Lysholm]

Some time ago I realized I process things almost identically to my dad. I never wanted to admit it, but I do. My brain is genetically similar to his no matter what. However, I don't react the same way to hardly anything...which is the part that counts. In your example - not being in the christmas spirit - you weren't awful to the other person. Instead, you expressed your lack of interest and enthusiasm. So what if your brain doesn't like christmas just like your dad, you didn't follow through like he would have, and that's what counts. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[Aspychata]

maybe the issue is you don't buy into the Xmas spirit thing. It's consumerism at the worst. I think people should be celebrated by telling people you appreciate them at this time of the year.

 

[Raggamuffin]

We inherit a lot from our parents. Including a lot of emotional baggage that changes our physiology from the time we're in utero.

Ed

 

[foliodoe]

I haven't lived with my family in about 15 years and suddenly I feel like I've become an amalgamation of the people who raised me. It's such a strange feeling. It makes me wonder how much of my life has actually been up to me. Not that it's literally all predetermined, but it makes me feel quite powerless.

 

[Aneka]

ive always had this intense fear of turning into my dad, he's an awful person to everyone around him. unfortunately the more i grow up i face this realization that i am turning into him and i have his habits. what bothers me the most is its not intentional, i never see our similarities. we both have an awful temper when people don't respond the way we want them too as a major example. i feel like less than twenty minutes ago i metaphorically got punched in the gut, my coworker asked if i wanted to decorate the gingerbread we have for the contest at my work. i said "no im sorry, im not feeling the christmas spirit. i haven't in a while." my dad is the only person i know who doesn't enjoy christmas and after the realization i said that it got to me SO MUCH. im sitting outside the hall as i type this i feel like my heart's in my throat (metaphorically once again of course). im sorry for the vent im just scared and so lost, i have so much on my mind. thanks for listening.

Not enjoying Christmas is NOT a crime
People always force you to eat sweets and you will get so many sweets that they'd last a lifetime. It's a massive feast of the sugar industry

 

[Slime_Punk]

10 years ago I'd get mad and punch / throw things, kind of explode over really silly issues and the like - and I knew exactly who I had learned it from. Over time I've trained myself to talk about feelings, become comfortable with unpleasant emotions and cry a little, if I need to. I can't remember the last time I got mad, it just doesn't happen.

I was probably about your age, OP. You have so much time to refine aspects of yourself you're not a fan of and learn entirely new habits! Of course we start out kind of mimicking those closest to us, but through life experiences we actually gain so much more control over them that you wouldn't believe it. I'm nothing like my parents or siblings now and, even though I love them and get along with all of them just fine, it makes me happy to know that we have some - or possibly a lot of - choice in the matter.

I know I'm not a whole lot older than you, and I still have a lot of refining to do myself, but it's true nonetheless!

 

[Outdated]

I was about 10 years old when I blew my top at my father - "I'm not going to be like you when I grow up. You make me sick. I hate you.".

I'm so different to my father, I'm not a bigot or a control freak, yet when training apprentices I cringed a few times at hearing his words come out of my mouth. I had to do a double take and question wether or not I was turning out like him. No, I'm not, but I did learn a lot from him.

I am who I want to be.

 

[merithra]

this is relatable, I did everything I could to not be my Dad. I love my father albeit all of his thoughts but he needs to understand that I am my own person and I am his daughter.

 

[Storm Hess]

I make a conscious effort to NOT follow the path of my father. It seems like he tried to find a reason to beat me with a belt. I do not hit my children and I try my best to be as understanding as I can. Sometimes it's really difficult to do.

 

[Forest Cat]

For me it's more the opposite, I wish I was more like my dad. It has been a long time since he died but if I want to feel small and insignificant, I just think about him.