Daniela
Well-Known Member
I have a obssesion with mental ilness and disorders.
And lately one of mine obssesions as been D.I.D
One becouse it allways facinate me , the concept of na other personalty in you , and becouse life , at least for me was tought , I say at least for me , becouse some other people say this is nothing so... yeah.
Everyone disassociates a litle , we aspies do that a lot, like when we are on our special interest and we dont notice how much time as gone by , that is a disassociation.
our your watching a movie and you cant hear what the other person as said , becouse you are realy focused on the movie.
(disassociation our hiperfocous ? hmmm XD)
Becouse some of the simptoms are similar to the traits of an aspie ,I got confused.
Becouse I have Imaginarie friends.
They where a lot when I was a kid but then they shorted for 2 with some other apearing once and again....
Now alters (the other "person" on DID ) is a fragment of a ´persons personalty , like dor exemple.
Ana is general easy going and very smily , but when she is angry she dosent look like herself. ~She expresses herself diferently , and acts diferently, but she recalls all the events and all that she felt ...now imagine that the angry part of Ana is split into a drive for exemple, Ana is drive A and the anger ana (lets call it Susan) its the drive B, if you understand computers you know what I mean there is one computer , but a lot of frangments in the disc.
And so when Ana is in a situation when someone does something to her, instead of getting angry and keeping all the info. the other disc , Susan comes out and takes care of the situation, and she is the one that keeps the info.
So...I hope is not too confusing.
I nowadays have 2 imaginarie friends.
Sara and Kédrick.
(Kédrick is a male in case anyone is asking)
Sara was ...since I remember there, she once told me that she was there to take care of me. Well she was in fact and still is older then me.
When I was litle she was more visual. Like I would "see" her. It was like I was monologuing.
like
" Do you want to save the world ? "-me
"Hell yeah!" - Sara
But it would be just me talking.
I grew up and I started having this dreams with a ...men.
Yes you gess it, it was Kédrcik.
Kédrick is way older then me, by way older I mean 24.
I´m 20. Sara´s 21.
It would be wierd since we where in this wourld...that was ...beutifull... it was... I cant explain it. but allmost every time I would dream about him it was on that wourld....and sometimes Sara was there....yeah.
Later on I toght this was strange and for some time I toght this was somethig spiritual, becouse it felt as we have met before.... as we knew each other since ever.
going a litle bit back I remember I was realy afraid of going to school becouse of the feeling of lonelyness I had, I had no friends , I couldnt make friends. So one day, I was feeling realy overwhelmed with that, and , you know your voice in your head? Yeah I heard a voice like that too , but it was diferente then mine, it was a guy voice.
"You´ll never be alone , you have me, I´m your friend , I´ll be here with you."
And this is how I started to think in the way I think. Our maybe not... becouse I talked with Sara and the others like this. And I gess I allwyas did but , I took it internaly becouse once I was at the street and someone told me something about me talking to someone that wasent there.
so yeah.
later on Sara ... intergrated with me.
Yes I use that term becouse it was what I actualy felt.
My psychologist once told me " but you know they are both you...right?"
"yeah...but"
But it dosent feel that way , it does but it dosent, its like they have they lifes, like they hare real persons , like they are separated persons from me, but at the same time they are me.
So Sara , the litle Sara , was now intergrated with me, like we had the same reactions and stuff, but Sara continued to exist , like , but now she was the intelectual side of me, and she was not very active.
Kédrick was the very active one.
In all my emotional instabilaties , our the lack of afection I had Kédrick would come , and would try to supress that.
I grew up I learned about aspergers and I toght , well they are just my imaginarie friends.
What made me think this was DID was this.
There was a tought situation once. So ... Kédrick steped in and was like stay with me , just ignore, stay with me, we did this once remember ? Just shut her off and we stay together...
But I wasent okay, and I was tring realy hard to shut the situation off but I coudnt, and I started to think that if I had na other "disc " an alter , It would be awsome, becouse I wouldnt have to deal with all of that. So I was thinking this , and Kédrick was saying no, becouse I need to face this by my self, so I can grow and all. and then an other guy, just came up, and was suporting me. And he said if I wanted to he could go outside and talk to the person, he said what he would say and I was like ,no thats too strong, I dont remember what we said next , but , what happen next was the wierdst thing ever. I felted my self going to the back of my eyes our something, and I "saw" my mouth opening and saying stuff to the person. but I wasent feeling anything, it was like I was watching someone else doing it.
So yeah.
I went to a fórum and I read it was like, co-hosting, like I´m the host but there is an other people being an host as well... so yeah.
Then I began to notice that , I intregrate with Kédrick as well like, when I needed to confort someone like one of my friends , I would like be like Kédrick with the soft voice , with the smile, and ...I would talk like a guy sometimes, but it was me. I mean me, like what happen above didnt happen this time, it was me , but it was an other facet of me....
And Sara is the same , Sara now, is acting way older then I am, I feel like a kid and she is beaving reponsably , at least in my head.
So I feel like they are facets of me, only they have names, and they talk to me and I with them...
But at the same time I ask my self if this isint like an Imaginarie friends thing....
oh by the way, why did I mention that thing of the wourld that kédrick was in, I found out that, that wourld is Kédrick wourld, becouse once I was Imagine my self with him, and when I tried real hard , I was on that wourld again with him , feeling the same feeling I was feeling in the dream.
DID patients talk about a Inner wourld when they go when they are not froting....like when they are not in charge of the body.
But it could be my imagination too..
So ... I dont know.
I would like to know for people that have Imaginarie friends over here if they feel it like this...
our if I started with Imaginarie friends , and by wanting them to be real so much , I endend up dessociating them a bit... our I might just be confusing this with traits of asperger.
If you read all of this , thank you !
And lately one of mine obssesions as been D.I.D
One becouse it allways facinate me , the concept of na other personalty in you , and becouse life , at least for me was tought , I say at least for me , becouse some other people say this is nothing so... yeah.
Everyone disassociates a litle , we aspies do that a lot, like when we are on our special interest and we dont notice how much time as gone by , that is a disassociation.
our your watching a movie and you cant hear what the other person as said , becouse you are realy focused on the movie.
(disassociation our hiperfocous ? hmmm XD)
Becouse some of the simptoms are similar to the traits of an aspie ,I got confused.
Becouse I have Imaginarie friends.
They where a lot when I was a kid but then they shorted for 2 with some other apearing once and again....
Now alters (the other "person" on DID ) is a fragment of a ´persons personalty , like dor exemple.
Ana is general easy going and very smily , but when she is angry she dosent look like herself. ~She expresses herself diferently , and acts diferently, but she recalls all the events and all that she felt ...now imagine that the angry part of Ana is split into a drive for exemple, Ana is drive A and the anger ana (lets call it Susan) its the drive B, if you understand computers you know what I mean there is one computer , but a lot of frangments in the disc.
And so when Ana is in a situation when someone does something to her, instead of getting angry and keeping all the info. the other disc , Susan comes out and takes care of the situation, and she is the one that keeps the info.
So...I hope is not too confusing.
I nowadays have 2 imaginarie friends.
Sara and Kédrick.
(Kédrick is a male in case anyone is asking)
Sara was ...since I remember there, she once told me that she was there to take care of me. Well she was in fact and still is older then me.
When I was litle she was more visual. Like I would "see" her. It was like I was monologuing.
like
" Do you want to save the world ? "-me
"Hell yeah!" - Sara
But it would be just me talking.
I grew up and I started having this dreams with a ...men.
Yes you gess it, it was Kédrcik.
Kédrick is way older then me, by way older I mean 24.
I´m 20. Sara´s 21.
It would be wierd since we where in this wourld...that was ...beutifull... it was... I cant explain it. but allmost every time I would dream about him it was on that wourld....and sometimes Sara was there....yeah.
Later on I toght this was strange and for some time I toght this was somethig spiritual, becouse it felt as we have met before.... as we knew each other since ever.
going a litle bit back I remember I was realy afraid of going to school becouse of the feeling of lonelyness I had, I had no friends , I couldnt make friends. So one day, I was feeling realy overwhelmed with that, and , you know your voice in your head? Yeah I heard a voice like that too , but it was diferente then mine, it was a guy voice.
"You´ll never be alone , you have me, I´m your friend , I´ll be here with you."
And this is how I started to think in the way I think. Our maybe not... becouse I talked with Sara and the others like this. And I gess I allwyas did but , I took it internaly becouse once I was at the street and someone told me something about me talking to someone that wasent there.
so yeah.
later on Sara ... intergrated with me.
Yes I use that term becouse it was what I actualy felt.
My psychologist once told me " but you know they are both you...right?"
"yeah...but"
But it dosent feel that way , it does but it dosent, its like they have they lifes, like they hare real persons , like they are separated persons from me, but at the same time they are me.
So Sara , the litle Sara , was now intergrated with me, like we had the same reactions and stuff, but Sara continued to exist , like , but now she was the intelectual side of me, and she was not very active.
Kédrick was the very active one.
In all my emotional instabilaties , our the lack of afection I had Kédrick would come , and would try to supress that.
I grew up I learned about aspergers and I toght , well they are just my imaginarie friends.
What made me think this was DID was this.
There was a tought situation once. So ... Kédrick steped in and was like stay with me , just ignore, stay with me, we did this once remember ? Just shut her off and we stay together...
But I wasent okay, and I was tring realy hard to shut the situation off but I coudnt, and I started to think that if I had na other "disc " an alter , It would be awsome, becouse I wouldnt have to deal with all of that. So I was thinking this , and Kédrick was saying no, becouse I need to face this by my self, so I can grow and all. and then an other guy, just came up, and was suporting me. And he said if I wanted to he could go outside and talk to the person, he said what he would say and I was like ,no thats too strong, I dont remember what we said next , but , what happen next was the wierdst thing ever. I felted my self going to the back of my eyes our something, and I "saw" my mouth opening and saying stuff to the person. but I wasent feeling anything, it was like I was watching someone else doing it.
So yeah.
I went to a fórum and I read it was like, co-hosting, like I´m the host but there is an other people being an host as well... so yeah.
Then I began to notice that , I intregrate with Kédrick as well like, when I needed to confort someone like one of my friends , I would like be like Kédrick with the soft voice , with the smile, and ...I would talk like a guy sometimes, but it was me. I mean me, like what happen above didnt happen this time, it was me , but it was an other facet of me....
And Sara is the same , Sara now, is acting way older then I am, I feel like a kid and she is beaving reponsably , at least in my head.
So I feel like they are facets of me, only they have names, and they talk to me and I with them...
But at the same time I ask my self if this isint like an Imaginarie friends thing....
oh by the way, why did I mention that thing of the wourld that kédrick was in, I found out that, that wourld is Kédrick wourld, becouse once I was Imagine my self with him, and when I tried real hard , I was on that wourld again with him , feeling the same feeling I was feeling in the dream.
DID patients talk about a Inner wourld when they go when they are not froting....like when they are not in charge of the body.
But it could be my imagination too..
So ... I dont know.
I would like to know for people that have Imaginarie friends over here if they feel it like this...
our if I started with Imaginarie friends , and by wanting them to be real so much , I endend up dessociating them a bit... our I might just be confusing this with traits of asperger.
If you read all of this , thank you !
But outside good things happen too 
