immoral rules or ethics, mass consciousness VS the 1%...

[Chance]

"When you find yourself on the side of the majority... It's time to pause and reflect."
- Mark Twain

Warning... this is all over the place. My head is sort of like scrambled eggs this morning, and I just need to let some stuff out...

I tend to have this thing to go into overdrive when things fall apart around me and I feel I have to fix it, and protect all of it, be it people or property.

We lost a mind boggling amount of trees and vegetation due to a massive fire on the property where I work. I made a whole post on this so no need to chew on that...

People and equipment have been brought in to supposedly help clean up the damage the fire caused. Instead they seem to have made more of a mess than the fire itself caused. So I have been on this 18 hour a day binge for weeks trying to clean up, replant, restart much of this land back to a small fraction of what it was in the middle of an extreme drought and 30-50+ winds for weeks. For some reason I feel like Groot 2.0 in some bad remix of "Guardian of the Galaxy 2." It's all too much, but it's my job (at this point in LIFE) to fix it...

It is a very huge task that lets a person know how small they really are in the scope of what needs done, as regular tasks still have to be done all at the same time. At the end of the day I feel like an ant who has spent his whole day moving dirt, with hundreds of acres of dirt and burnt trees still staring back at me. I just feel I have to try and give my best back to what was lost.

In that... I have the scoffers, the ass holes with opinions, the people who want certain things certain ways as they argue amongst themselves... but no one has lifted a finger, a rake, or a shovel to help...

So in my mind they have no vested interest, no sweat equity, just a lot of talking... while they do NOTHING but verbally destroy any attempt at restoring what was lost. So I just keep going and I do this because its all I know to do. I will not stop and stand there in some useless word battle over the trivial crap these people are trying to pull on me...

I'm not stupid... I am very freaking smart actually because I can see straight through them and everything they are trying to pull. It's called CONTROL and they don't even know what they want other than that... So I just keep focused and it keeps reshaping back into a land ready for new trees and plants as I basically ignore everyone to hold my sanity in place.

In this I have noticed... Some people seem to build... It's an honor, a code, a respect for the challenge within itself. It's a part of what makes me whole... Others seem to get off on ripping down the people who try to build or re-build the things that culminate into the tiny pieces of what we call LIFE. I defend and protect what I stand for and who I am. Not many do this these days because they have to conform and be part of the "popular" hell people are enjoying living in.

Yesterday at work a well known co-worker called me "Ferdinand" and I didnt understand who Ferdinand was, or why I was called that. I wanted to be offended, but instead I was just confused. She sensed my confusion and maybe a little agitation... She knows quite a lot of my young past and she seemed sad for a second. She said, "Ferdinand is a bull in a kids book apparently no one cared to read to you..., He's the good bull in the story." I just smiled and moved on. I guess I need to read this small childrens story at some point. (However, I would make for a very small bull : )

Full admission I tend to think too deeply, and do so maybe way too much. I can never speak for another person with ASD, but I admit I live in my head a lot. Maybe it's how I was truly made, or maybe its a way to escape a reality I seem to struggle with often and deeply.

It seems that I see things so differently (or so I am often told) that I have lots of trouble conforming with rules, even "laws" that are unethical... and the list is so long and twisted that I don't even want to dive off that mental cliff right now.

It ranges from corrupt politics, shady medical practices, a world on drugs, lawyers who help trick a system to lie to itself, failing food manipulations, people who promote their "brand" or "God" and live nothing like what they claim, but maybe worst of all is peoples unwritten laws of DRAMA and CONTROL tactics get too me really bad.

I fully admit I sometimes have issues with past abuse, anxiety, depression, shutdowns, often not wanting to communicate in real world scenarios and more... but is this a defect or a protection mechanism??? A protection mechanism that is not about the frail, sad, past, but something in us that has been there all along... I have started noticing a whole different side to lots of this stuff...

Sure, I can "blame" tons of stuff on other people who beat the crap out of me, did things to me that are horrible, and exposed me to some of the sickest s..t on the planet... That could give me a valid excuse for ALL my issues and problems. It can get me a "pity" ticket so people can feel sorry for me... But I never want that, I actually detest it.

I can blame Autism, ADD, OCD, PTSD, dyslexia, as the reason I don't get somethings, but I don't want to do any thing like that either... I might even be WRONG in doing so...

LIMITATIONS is a box I am sick of... And what about the things I get on a so much deeper levels than anyone around me??? Defects and deficits are not what I care to dwell on anymore...

I have never wanted a free ride at any level, and I damn sure don't want to surrender to a worlds SICK STATUS QUO. Sure I have a past that sucks and it hurts to even think about it, but that past did not make me the sum total of who I am today... If so I would be an unthinkable monster (based on EXCUSES)... Instead I seem to have went very far in the other direction. How does abuse create a person who is ethical, loyal, unafraid to face adversity? It doesn't! LIFE is a CHOICE... No matter what the past dictates.

I sometimes feel so many people are trying to put ASD in a box that fits into their dysfunctional screwed up world, and it will NEVER fit. In that they are not seeing who we really can be manytimes... Yes, I am speaking of mostly high functioning people, but I also recognize there are others in this mix who cant speak for themselves... However that is part of my biggest problem with ASD... The classifications, the boxes, the bull.... that never adds up.

Yes, we can be unthinkably stubborn, at times narrow minded, but at other times very open minded among a mass of close minded, blind, deaf, world destroyers.

I fully admit I don't even know where I am going with this... It's just something eating at me and I don't even know fully what it is...

It's a collective of things eating at me... and everything has an answer but too many people simply dont want answers... They want a mindless freeride that I have never wanted. I want to be ALLOWED to EARN my place in humanity and leave something that says I was here...
I don't want to be a part of the swath of mental, social, and physical, destruction I am trying to not allow suck me in...

I won't even watch the news anymore so I won't soak up the sick, vile, word puke these people spread like verbal jelly on people who could care less. If they truly cared they have all the tech tools at hand to make the changes start 10 minutes from now... But greed, popularity, drama, and a sick twist on prosperity seem to hold people in a mindless state of existence...

Humanity is changing so fast and I see that maybe in ways NT's just never even notice how we are changing... Or what we as a mass of humans are turning into...

My greatest wish is maybe, they could see LIFE like I see it, and see that we ALL NEED to be of VALUE. Not a fake value, but live with a PURPOSE...

Getting "likes" on FB in some deep need of popularity contest is not why I live. I may live in my head, but those thoughts come through what I do with my hands everyday... I work and I work harder than anyone I even know, but not for popularity, or play the game of rules that turn my stomach... Yes, rules and laws, are fine until they turn unethical and into a noose not many can see...

My wish very often is that I wish I couldn't see it either. However, I won't be soon sticking my head in that mystery existence. I will stay grounded in the logic and common sense I was granted, no matter what others try and force me to become... Yet in that I am sometimes seen as the "crazy" one... Really?

So maybe ASD in some cases is a filter and not some deficit within us...
Maybe instead of looking at all of our deficiencies, people should look at the variables we have that 99% of the world's population does not.

I hope someday ASD might not have near the stigma it has now, and people will allow us to be who we really are... I want to see the day they are amazed that we see the wind, hear the plants, and smell the colors...

Maybe my whole issue is HIDING the very fact I have ASD... If a person has to live ashamed of his being different than most anyone around him... What does that do to a person over a period of 40 years?

Who would I be if ASD was not some ikky, deficit? What if ASD was seen as more like an additional benefit instead of someone who must hide behind what they have been made to BELIEVE is lacking?

Elephant tied to the plastic chair...

That's what I see ASD as, and a whole lot of other things turning into...

When people like me see that plastic chair for what it really is... This is what starts happening... : )

 

[LucyPurrs]

What's the worst that could happen if you stopped trying to hide your ASD and allowed yourself to be yourself? Your board knows what a good employee you are- do you think you'd lose your job? (They'd be crazy to do that). Do you think they could really get anyone else who'd put up with what you put up with? Maybe a game plan for the worst scenario would allow you to risk getting the best scenario? Idk. But this is taking a terrible toll on you is all I know.

 

[Judge]

What's the worst that could happen if you stopped trying to hide your ASD and allowed yourself to be yourself? .

The high probability of a peculiar type of ostracism, for starters. Disastrous if at your place of work where such a thing might impact your ability to do your job if it involves routine social interactions with other employees.

One thing for sure, you can't control peoples' reactions to your own autism no matter how compliant you might be in a Neurotypical environment. Once that "cat is out of the bag", you could be inviting anything from heaven to Dodge City. A huge unknown laced with serious potential consequences.

Had I not been able to successfully mask my traits and behaviors in the workplace I'm pretty sure in most cases I would have been eventually fired or ostracized to a point where I couldn't do my job. In the adult world, autism is no picnic.

 

[LucyPurrs]

@Judge: Well, I hear you, but actually I thought that guy who got fired while Chance was away had outed Chance re his ASD anyway. You can't control other's reactions to your own autism, exactly right, so maybe the way things are there aren't worth the emotional cost. Idk, all I know is that doing nothing results in no change and I'd sure like to hear Chance had found some new way to make it work for him that resulted in his being happier. Do you have any ideas how he could improve his situation? I'm surely not trying to be flippant or have an answer.

 

[Judge]

@Judge: Well, I hear you, but actually I thought that guy who got fired while Chance was away had outed Chance re his ASD anyway. You can't control other's reactions to your own autism, exactly right, so maybe the way things are there aren't worth the emotional cost. Idk, all I know is that doing nothing results in no change and I'd sure like to hear Chance had found some new way to make it work for him that resulted in his being happier. Do you have any ideas how he could improve his situation? I'm surely not trying to be flippant or have an answer.

Sometimes all you can do is "keep your head down", and focus only on the job. I managed, while spending a number of years which ebbed and flowed as a "shark tank". Where admitting something like autism would have just caused a "predatory frenzy" with some people. Especially given the work environment was more often competitive rather than cooperative in nature. With corporate drones trying to tell you otherwise.

 

[Streetwise]

@Judge: Well, I hear you, but actually I thought that guy who got fired while Chance was away had outed Chance re his ASD anyway. You can't control other's reactions to your own autism, exactly right, so maybe the way things are there aren't worth the emotional cost. Idk, all I know is that doing nothing results in no change and I'd sure like to hear Chance had found some new way to make it work for him that resulted in his being happier. Do you have any ideas how he could improve his situation? I'm surely not trying to be flippant or have an answer.

from what I've learned most people appear to realise that we are different I've been called mad i've tried to be invisible doesn't happen The problem is a lot of people see autism as a scourge to be cured,autism speaks has brainwashed people with that idea.
if you're not a Scourge !you're a loner ,there is rarely any positive descriptions of autism.

 

[Judge]

The problem is a lot of people see autism as a scourge to be cured,autism speaks has brainwashed people with that idea.
if you're not a Scourge !you're a loner ,there is rarely any positive descriptions of autism.

Not to mention how the media seems to foster a stereotypical relationship between autism and murder.

 

[Streetwise]

Not to mention how the media seems to foster a stereotypical relationship between autism and murder.

when I think of murder I think of schizophrenia in the UK ,autism was just scary- that's before I knew anything about autism but that's coming from my panic controlled mind.
The NHS have put up posters about breaking down discrimination about mental illness! but people still jump on the idea that schizophrenia is equated with death.

 

[Judge]

when I think of murder I think of schizophrenia in the UK ,autism was just scary- that's before I knew anything about autism but that's coming from my panic controlled mind.
The NHS have put up posters about breaking down discrimination about mental illness! but people still jump on the idea that schizophrenia is equated with death.

When it comes to autism in general I'm still apt to believe that the UK is more advanced than the US. Though yes, I'm also inclined to think that the media prefers to sensationalize autism on occasion to our detriment on both sides of the pond for the same reasons.

 

[Streetwise]

When it comes to autism in general I'm still apt to believe that the UK is more advanced than the US. Though yes, I'm also inclined to think that the media prefers to sensationalize autism on occasion to our detriment on both sides of the pond for the same reasons.

how strange I always thought the opposite !I also think America seems much more advanced .

 

[Judge]

how strange I always thought the opposite !I also think America seems much more advanced .

If we were so advanced we'd be able to create a healthcare system that actually worked for everyone.

Though admittedly the logistical differences are quite different given we have five times your population.

 

[Streetwise]

nope our health care system is a shambles,I would've never believed I would be saying E.Rs are being shut down The NHS used to be respected worldwide not now

 

[Judge]

nope our health care system is a shambles,I would've never believed I would be saying E.Rs are being shut down The NHS used to be respected worldwide not now

At least you have a system. We just have a political football and endlessly rising medical costs.

Nothing like seeing people line up for free healthcare once a year in town where any number of them actually have health insurance they can't really use because high co-payments.

 

[Tom]

The idea of Lemmings jumping off cliffs as a form of mass suicide is a myth. Many sources contributed to building the myth including this disney film made in 1953.

The Disney crew went as far as to throw Lemmings off a cliff to increase the drama and 'get the shot'.

In a world like this you might ask, like Theoden, "... What can men do against such reckless hate?"

Throw them off. Throw the Disney crew and their stupid cameras off the cliff.

 

[Mary Anne]

when I think of murder I think of schizophrenia in the UK ,autism was just scary- that's before I knew anything about autism but that's coming from my panic controlled mind.
The NHS have put up posters about breaking down discrimination about mental illness! but people still jump on the idea that schizophrenia is equated with death.

It is a complete stereotypical exaggeration that people who have schizophrenia are dangerous or murders. The majority are of no harm to anyone. Statistics show that those living with mental disabilities endure abuse and are murdered far more then the other way around.

 

[Full Steam]

I believe that the only way to get the ASD nirvana that lives in my head is for more people to come out, especially people who are well thought of.

Social change happens slowly, and often in small pockets. People have their opinions challenged when someone they know comes out as ASD.

The more people come out, the more normalised the world will get.

BUT, we have a long way to go, and along the path to nirvana there will be some pain, and many people who come out will get hurt by a world that doesnt understand.

It needs to be a considered and personal decision.

I'll tell anyone apart from customers, and I'm considering changing that too, at least in the future, but I run my own business, so prejudice will hurt me less.

 

[Chance]

@Judge: Well, I hear you, but actually I thought that guy who got fired while Chance was away had outed Chance re his ASD anyway. You can't control other's reactions to your own autism, exactly right, so maybe the way things are there aren't worth the emotional cost. Idk, all I know is that doing nothing results in no change and I'd sure like to hear Chance had found some new way to make it work for him that resulted in his being happier. Do you have any ideas how he could improve his situation? I'm surely not trying to be flippant or have an answer.

Yes work knows, but they knew even before the guy outed me (only at top level) because of me being forced to fill out our health care information after I was diagnosed... Plus my boss has a son basically just like me in many ways... (its not a big problem at work internally)... Yet no one else knows that I know of.

People like my wife who got angry over me being diagnosed and literally hates my guts over it and refuses to allow me to mention any of it to her family... My family dont care they don't care about anything except just being morons and hell raisers. Yet there are 2 of us (me and my cousin) who are like total opposites of the loud, extroverted, alpha families we were born into... That never makes it easy in itself.

It's not really work I was talking about... just life in general, and how hard people like me have to battle to not be seen as less than everyone else...

I guess I fall into the place where I look perfectly normal, and can do very unexpected cool things, but I get tripped up and confused on stuff that I maybe shouldn't get so messed up over... I get it, because I know when I feel all messed up and I am scrambling to put it all back together.

I'm not wanting to be treated special, just asking silently to let me work it out without making me feel like some alien retard. I always figure stuff out, even stuff others can't figure out... But in that there are always comments or belittlements that let me know I don't fit in... It just gets old thats all...

I guess someone like me could solve some of the most complex problems of the world and still be seen as the guy who is just weird. I don't want to be "weird" but in that is how I figure stuff out I guess. What is weird about a person just going off and thinking his way back to a reality that hates his guts it seems?

Is it weird that I don't want to stand around screaming, or gossiping, or causing tons of drama... No one ever knows much about anything in my life except you people that I spill my guts too...

I give all I have and I have for a long time, all I get back is lots of criticism and sometimes comments that take me to some dark places... When you cant even find hope in life, it gets hard to really care about much of anything sometimes. I have to ask myself what is the use? What is my purpose? Is this all there is?

ASD is a very hard life and maybe harder for those of us who look very normal and have no signs of "a mental deficiency"... that term alone makes me angry. I may lack in some areas but I have more abilities in areas others don't. How does that make me less than others and why?

I am super conscious about what I say, how I act, I try to watch my body language like some hawk watching for a mouse in the grass... I watch my posture, I try not to drag my feet, I constantly have to pay attention to both my hands and keep them from being nervous wrecks... NORMAL people don't have to do this... Nor can they possibly imagine how tiring it is and mentally draining it is, so I can maybe be seen normal in "their" world.

What about my world? A world where intellect and depth of thought, and caring trump the status quo and crush it. A place where compasion always outweighs status, and rules, and sick twisted mindsets of prosperity that is causing us to try and kill off a whole planet... I know I will never fit in... Maybe I just cant grasp that I never even wanted too...

Thanks for caring : )

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I try to watch my body language like some hawk watching for a mouse in the grass

I found a coat hanger on the street. About two inches across.
I thought a weird mouse was late one day. Rushed out and had put it's jacket on while the coat hanger was still in it.
Then just threw it away.

I kept it and now have it hanging up in my house.

Does that qualify as weird?

 

[Chance]

I found a coat hanger on the street. About two inches across.
I thought a weird mouse was late one day. Rushed out and had put it's jacket on while the coat hanger was still in it.
Then just threw it away.

I kept it and now have it hanging up in my house.

Does that qualify as weird?

No dude, maybe the clothes hanger blew out of Barbies corvette after she was packing her stuff, when she caught Ken with her Barbie twin...

Yet I can see a mouse late for a cheese meeting in some other reality also...

See this right here... I cant have fun and be weird like this in real life... People look at me like I'm some sort of idiot. Yet what does it hurt? Look... I full well KNOW the mouse didn't run off and drop a coat hanger, nor did Barbie speed of in a plastic Corvette with no motor, and Ken doesn't even have a penis to cheat on Barbie with,... But my mind has fun like that, and IF I dare expose that very open minded, childish side of me... Its like I need to be put away for it.

Yet the guys can talk about who they are cheating on, driving drunk, how they cheated on their taxes, cards, dice, drugs, guns, whores, and on and on as they try and one up each other... and that's "normal." Hell its even portrayed on TV everywhere... Its sick to me...

So yeah I would rather get lost in a world of magic, or make believe (that isn't even magic) then live in this very messed up reality sometimes...

Yes I might be "immature" and naive (in some of this), but its a safe place for me mentally, to go and think out things that get me raises and promotions.

I was never given a free ticket to anything in life... I have worked extremely hard for what I have. In that I have nicer things than most anyone around me, I don't live paycheck to paycheck like everyone around me, YET I am seen as less than them UNLESS they need something from me...

This is where I feel very used and cheated often...

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yet the guys can talk about who they are cheating on, driving drunk, how they cheated on their taxes, cards, dice, drugs, guns, whores, and on and on as they try and one up each other... and that's "normal." Hell its even portrayed on TV everywhere... Its sick to me...

They're called idiots.

Discussing jackets for mice is where it's at.

Fun.surreal imaginary.

Not harming anyone.

Least you've got somewhere to be you.