In a dilemma about life

[Rainbow-Sprinkles]

Hello everyone,

So basically I'm in a dilemma about what I should do with my life. Let me explain. Here in the UK when people ages 15 to 16-years old leave school, they usually go to a college. Every September a new lot of students join college to do a multiple subjects (A-Levels), or one single subject. I want to go back to college and study art and then progress onto university. Here I am at 21-years old and have only ever done one year of college. However, I am currently mentally ill (although I don't feel it).

Apparently the waiting list for treatment where I live in England is "months and months" and I can't be put forward for treatment despite being under the mental health team for 3-years! It's utterly ridiculous. I have autism, OCD, depression, anxiety issues, and compulsive overeating issues too. The mental health team I'm under is only offering OCD treatment for me that's been adapted to my autism. So there giving extra sessions to treat my OCD.

However, if this treatment doesn't work, they're probably going to send me elsewhere. I did originally want to go to this autism unit that's far away from my home. So I emailed the psychiatrist there and he said that I needed to have treatment under the mental health team I'm under first. I feel as if that this autism unit is my only hope left of getting better.

Even though I want to go to this autism unit, I really want to go to college as well. But around September time, that's when I should be getting the treatment and that's when college starts. I don't want to start college and then they tell me "oh hey, we're referring you elsewhere!" And then I'm stuck as to what I should do. If I do go to the autism inpatient unit, I could be there up to 2-years! As it's highly specialised care they offer.

I keep changing my mind about what I want to do. One minute I want to go to the autism unit, then I want to go to college, then I want to get a part time job! It's causing me distress.

 

[Aspychata]

The horrible thing about being young is being young. You never know what you truly want to do. l worked in my last year of high school, saved up money and went to Europe. Went to your country. l feel that perhaps think what do you want to do? Travel, work, or go for treatment? Or all 3? There are excellent Au Pair jobs that you can take for a year and help out family and live in a neat country. Or you can try internship program and learn job skills. What do you want to do?

 

[FIVER]

Hello everyone,

So basically I'm in a dilemma about what I should do with my life. Let me explain. Here in the UK when people ages 15 to 16-years old leave school, they usually go to a college. Every September a new lot of students join college to do a multiple subjects (A-Levels), or one single subject. I want to go back to college and study art and then progress onto university. Here I am at 21-years old and have only ever done one year of college. However, I am currently mentally ill (although I don't feel it).

Apparently the waiting list for treatment where I live in England is "months and months" and I can't be put forward for treatment despite being under the mental health team for 3-years! It's utterly ridiculous. I have autism, OCD, depression, anxiety issues, and compulsive overeating issues too. The mental health team I'm under is only offering OCD treatment for me that's been adapted to my autism. So there giving extra sessions to treat my OCD.

However, if this treatment doesn't work, they're probably going to send me elsewhere. I did originally want to go to this autism unit that's far away from my home. So I emailed the psychiatrist there and he said that I needed to have treatment under the mental health team I'm under first. I feel as if that this autism unit is my only hope left of getting better.

Even though I want to go to this autism unit, I really want to go to college as well. But around September time, that's when I should be getting the treatment and that's when college starts. I don't want to start college and then they tell me "oh hey, we're referring you elsewhere!" And then I'm stuck as to what I should do. If I do go to the autism inpatient unit, I could be there up to 2-years! As it's highly specialised care they offer.

I keep changing my mind about what I want to do. One minute I want to go to the autism unit, then I want to go to college, then I want to get a part time job! It's causing me distress.

Hello,

I wanted to ask about your statement that you said you are currently mentally ill, but don't feel it.
Can you explain further?

I don't want you to be anxious about only having one year of college. I was 32 when I finally got my BA and I was into my early 40s going to graduate school.

Many people who are successful create image boards. You can find examples on YouTube, internet. Make a collection of pictures or words that expresses what you want out of life. Then take a deep breath, then look at your pile and pin them on your board.
You might want to create a 6 month image board (what you want or imagine to happen within 6 months) 1 year, 5 year.
These image boards can be used for self discovery. You might have an image board made and upon looking at it daily, you might decide to change it.
It gives you a chance to map out physically what is in your head.
Helps in processing what you really want to have happen.
After you make your board put it where you see it everyday. Some people put it on their bedroom wall.
I hope this helps.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

From reading your post, you seem like you are an intelligent, introspective, self-aware kind of person,...and not so "mentally ill" as you claim to be. The other part,...as another has said,...you are young and autistic. The lack of focus and direction in your life appears to be a common thread amongst young autistics,...including myself. I distinctly remember being almost in a "manic" phase, almost incapable of focusing upon my studies, and had to drop some classes. It was a rough time in my life,...and was completely unaware that I had an ASD,...I thought I was simply a failing neurotypical.

Now that I am older, more educated, and officially diagnosed,...things are much different. No one thing is going to change your life. It is a combination of things. Proper dietary habits, dietary supplements, proper amounts of sleep, getting yourself organized, have some structure to your life, setting a series of small achievable goals as a means of achieving much larger goals (education, financial, whatever).

 

[Au Naturel]

If you have depression, that is what needs to be worked on first. Of course, I don't know how severe your OCD is or what you are compulsive over.

Getting rid of your depression will make everything else better. Getting rid of everything else won't make your life much better if you are still depressed. And autism isn't something that can be "fixed" it can only be accepted worked around, and lived with. What exactly does this autism unit do?

 

[Rainbow-Sprinkles]

The horrible thing about being young is being young. You never know what you truly want to do. l worked in my last year of high school, saved up money and went to Europe. Went to your country. l feel that perhaps think what do you want to do? Travel, work, or go for treatment? Or all 3? There are excellent Au Pair jobs that you can take for a year and help out family and live in a neat country. Or you can try internship program and learn job skills. What do you want to do?

I know what I want to do with my life (in a sense). I want to go to university and become a comic and/or concept artist. I don't think I'm in the position to travel to different countries alone at the moment.

 

[Rainbow-Sprinkles]

Hello,

I wanted to ask about your statement that you said you are currently mentally ill, but don't feel it.
Can you explain further?

I don't want you to be anxious about only having one year of college. I was 32 when I finally got my BA and I was into my early 40s going to graduate school.

Many people who are successful create image boards. You can find examples on YouTube, internet. Make a collection of pictures or words that expresses what you want out of life. Then take a deep breath, then look at your pile and pin them on your board.
You might want to create a 6 month image board (what you want or imagine to happen within 6 months) 1 year, 5 year.
These image boards can be used for self discovery. You might have an image board made and upon looking at it daily, you might decide to change it.
It gives you a chance to map out physically what is in your head.
Helps in processing what you really want to have happen.
After you make your board put it where you see it everyday. Some people put it on their bedroom wall.
I hope this helps.

I don't feel mentally ill because it's all I've known for so long now.

I know people go to university quite late in their life, etc.

I will consider doing the image board. Thank you.

 

[Rainbow-Sprinkles]

From reading your post, you seem like you are an intelligent, introspective, self-aware kind of person,...and not so "mentally ill" as you claim to be. The other part,...as another has said,...you are young and autistic. The lack of focus and direction in your life appears to be a common thread amongst young autistics,...including myself. I distinctly remember being almost in a "manic" phase, almost incapable of focusing upon my studies, and had to drop some classes. It was a rough time in my life,...and was completely unaware that I had an ASD,...I thought I was simply a failing neurotypical.

Now that I am older, more educated, and officially diagnosed,...things are much different. No one thing is going to change your life. It is a combination of things. Proper dietary habits, dietary supplements, proper amounts of sleep, getting yourself organized, have some structure to your life, setting a series of small achievable goals as a means of achieving much larger goals (education, financial, whatever).

I'm too self-aware of my mental health which makes it worse. I know I don't feel right because I used to feel happiness. I just want to be happy again and I don't feel happy anymore. Things feel different. No offence, but I hate when people say "you're intelligent", and then dismiss my mental health. I can be smart and still have bad mental health. I wish I was smart and didn't have bad mental health issues!

I'm trying to sort my diet and other stuff out, but it's difficult.

 

[Rainbow-Sprinkles]

If you have depression, that is what needs to be worked on first. Of course, I don't know how severe your OCD is or what you are compulsive over.

Getting rid of your depression will make everything else better. Getting rid of everything else won't make your life much better if you are still depressed. And autism isn't something that can be "fixed" it can only be accepted worked around, and lived with. What exactly does this autism unit do?

I agree with you! I think my depression is the worst thing that's happened to me. My OCD is currently controlled by medication.

The autism unit deal with autistic people who have mental health issues and/or learning disabilities.

 

[FIVER]

As a person who studied Psychology and Counseling....don't believe everything people tell you. Even if they are so called, "professionals"
Not to say they are wrong, but they may be.

One way of sampling a part time job, is to do food delivery. You can turn it on and off, work whenever you want.

You can also do an online classes, while you get treatment if you think you need the treatment. Most classes are online now anyways.

Maybe do research on the diagnoses that they say you have. Perhaps, if you could find an autistic psychologist...

Looks like you are on a journey.
My advice is: Don't settle.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I'm too self-aware of my mental health which makes it worse. I know I don't feel right because I used to feel happiness. I just want to be happy again and I don't feel happy anymore. Things feel different. No offence, but I hate when people say "you're intelligent", and then dismiss my mental health. I can be smart and still have bad mental health. I wish I was smart and didn't have bad mental health issues!

I'm trying to sort my diet and other stuff out, but it's difficult.

What was meant by the entire statement, which included self awareness and introspection, was not about dismissal of any mental illness, per se, but rather the fact that you are quite self aware, suggests a lesser degree of "illness" as compared to someone who is not and appears to be "in their own world" and out of touch with reality. The comment was out of good intentions and to be supportive. Sometimes, when we get into that state of depression, all we see is our world being negative and sometimes without hope for the future. That low dopamine and low serotonin can really do a number on us.

I get what you are saying,...most of us with an ASD will get comments like "Oh, you must be one of the high-functioning ones."...or worse, complete denial of the existence of our ASD, claiming some sort of made-up psychological "label" to allow us to escape some responsibility for our behavior and communication issues. Again, as you say, appearing to dismiss all of the sensory, behavior, and communication issues that we are masking on their behalf, so they don't feel uncomfortable.

At any rate, please to not feel that whatever I wrote was, at all, a dismissal. I was making some attempt at being positive, understanding, and to give you some hope that things will get better. You are amongst friends here.