inability to hate/dislike

[James Hardy]

i find it very hard to hate/dislike someone even if i logically believe i should, and in the past the few times i have felt dislike for someone it fades quickly. i was just wondering if any of you other aspies ever run into this. (also i count this as the reason that i can not understand why anyone would have bigotry for any other human)

 

[janie]

James.

I wish I could capture how inspired I am by your post.

I am an aspie.
I do not have a similar pattern.

In fact, I expend intense energy to understand and maintain relationship with others I feel dislike for, those who have hurt me, or those that trigger my discomfort.

That I feel this way is about me.
I hope it is not bigotry.

Yet, your words make me consider it may be.

Whether or not I feel there is a reason I dislike a person, or consider harm done to me by another, or I struggle to forgive, it indicates prejudice against the person if I cannot shift and retain value for the whole person.

If it looks like bigotry and sounds like bigotry..

If I feel bigotry toward one person, it is a poor reflection on my character as much as if I held hate toward a group.

I am grateful and challenged by your question.

I have work to do.

I need to think about this.

Thank you.

 

[ksheehan88]

When I dislike someone, it is intense, but doesn't last for long, even if they might deserve it.

I just can't hate for long. I don't know if its because it just takes too much energy, or because I am naturally a forgiving person, or a bit of both.

 

[toothless]

i dont hate people as such [theres only one person who has triggered such deep hatred-an online bully who groomed me,stole my life then ruined it;lost my home and my pet chickens because of them],but i dont hate people routinely,i have met some really annoying people,including one support staff who annoys me so much,treats me like a child and doesnt give me any respect,he even made up a story the other day that i was threatening him and then threatened to phone the companies head office and the manager of this care facility-i was like wtf in my mind-try as i might i cant hate him,i just feel extremely annoyed by him and wont let him work with me anymore.

 

[Judge]

Let's just say I try not to dwell on such things given that they are toxic emotions that can literally harm you mentally and physically. Even if or when well deserved, IMO it just doesn't pay to perpetually dwell on such things in your own interest.

 

[xudo]

I can dislike and hate people. There are some people who I will hate until they day they die. There are also some people who I can't stand, but I have no idea why. Nicholas Cage for example

 

[fuðflogi]

I can dislike and hate people. There are some people who I will hate until they day they die. There are also some people who I can't stand, but I have no idea why. Nicholas Cage for example

Oh my gosh! I can't stand nick cave either! No idea why at all, just rubs me the wrong way, don't like to see his face and his acting!! (Peggy sue got married) worst ever. Ok I'm done, thanks for the opportunity to get that out. Cheers

 

[fuðflogi]

I mean cage, Nicolas cage.(love nick cave)

 

[DoNotDisturb]

There are people who logically I should hate but I don't.
I can't feel hate for anyone, even people who have betrayed and abused me in the worst possible way.
I think it is not normal.

 

[James Hardy]

There are people who logically I should hate but I don't.
I can't feel hate for anyone, even people who have betrayed and abused me in the worst possible way.
I think it is not normal.

ya basically its the same with me just when i had put the post up i thought it may bean autistic trait do to our habit of apathy

 

[Zachary Anderson]

I feel the same way but I think it's because it takes so much energy to hate someone that we/I just don't bother doing that. I can be angry and frustrated but never hate someone, even if they have hurt me. Perhaps it's because we are easily trusting and don't necessarily think about the person and what they did but more on the current situation we are in - if that makes sense. I also don't see the point in hating a person, it doesn't achieve anything nor changes anything.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

I think it's not a healthy thing because it means the abuse/betrayal can never be properly processed.
Normal people would go through a range of emotions in order to finally reach some kind of closure.
That's never happened with me, so I've never had any kind of resolution.

 

[James Hardy]

I think it's not a healthy thing because it means the abuse/betrayal can never be properly processed.
Normal people would go through a range of emotions in order to finally reach some kind of closure.
That's never happened with me, so I've never had any kind of resolution.

yes and i know iv personal been take advantage of do to this trait.

 

[James Hardy]

I feel the same way but I think it's because it takes so much energy to hate someone that we/I just don't bother doing that. I can be angry and frustrated but never hate someone, even if they have hurt me. Perhaps it's because we are easily trusting and don't necessarily think about the person and what they did but more on the current situation we are in - if that makes sense. I also don't see the point in hating a person, it doesn't achieve anything nor changes anything.

this thought prosses is why i can not comprehend why someone would show prejudices, bigotry, or discriminate in the first places, as there is no logical reason to do this, and why are they bothering to expend energy tord a action that would actually harm them buy harming this collective human organism.

 

[DoNotDisturb]

I don't see why you should hate anyone for being gay or another race or religion or polititical persuasion, etc. I mean, how is that affecting you exactly? It's not.
I don't know why people get so enraged about those kind of things.

 

[Stitch]

It takes me a while to make a 'first impression', so generally other people get about five or six tries before I form any kind of opinion about them. Usually I'm pretty apathetic about it -I generally like most of people but since I have to be careful where I spend my social energy, if I don't know someone that well generally my opinion of them won't be very deep either.

As far as disliking/hating people ...I've found that the stronger the emotion, the more it's going to wreak havoc on my system. There are a few people in my circles who I truly dislike, but I don't ever act on the feeling because if I do it will be accompanied by a myriad of health issues and I would rather be quiet and/or ignore the situation than have a migraine.

Also the whole faceblindness problem of the aspie works in my favor here. I don't really care how people look or what social status they have or whatever -what matters is how they treat others, and that's what I'll remember. Even if I don't remember their face.

 

[the_tortoise]

Yes and no.

I can dislike people (quite intensely), but I don't think I can hate anyone....I think hate involves seriously wishing harm to another person or at least not having any sympathy or concern for them at all.

If someone I intensely dislike is hurt or sad or suffering then I feel bad for them and wish they were okay -- I often want to help them....I still care about people even when I intensely dislike them.

If someone hurts me very badly/repeatedly I might temporarily wish for them to experience the same hurt....but when I calm down that wish is gone and I feel ashamed/horrified and foolish for wishing it (because really what I want is for them to understand and care how I feel -- the idea is that if they had the same experience they might understand and care -- and because I know myself well enough to know that if they did experience that same hurt, even when I was still very angry, I would probably just feel bad for them and wish they didn't have to feel it).

 

[savi83]

To hate or dislike a person seems strong.

I can dislike certain qualities or views but I wouldn't hate or dislike them for them. It just means that I have to take them into consideration when dealing with them.

 

[No Strings Attached]

I can definitely relate. My way of seeing things basically consists of viewing all perspectives, then coming to a conclusion. Because of this, most actions tend to at least be sympathetic, if not justifiable.
There have been ocasiona where I can’t even understand actions, or the actions actively hurt me, be it emotionally or some other way, but then my “doormat” qualities kick in and I just take it.

 

[Laura O]

I can dislike behavior and I can even dislike individuals, but it is very hard for me to hate or even maintain any sort of heated dislike, even for those who have hurt me very badly. I believe this has to do with my habit of trying to understand behavior by looking at possible reasons and logically decoding motivations and trying to wrap my mind around other perspectives. So I can definitely hate a behavior, but if I can recognize that an individual acted out of ignorance or their own brokenness or out of limitation or fear, then I find it difficult to bear a grudge.

This does NOT mean that they get a free pass to continue to hurt me, however. If I can discern that an individual is harmful or toxic, then I take steps to limit the impact they will have in my life. I can walk away from a destructive individual, but I will usually forgive them and let go of my anger over time. Hate requires a level of emotional engagement I don't choose to enter into with someone who has proven themselves to not merit my time.