Intense anxiety and fear

[Jet Weiss]

Earlier in the evening I went to the mall with my boyfriend and our friends, and during the time we were there I felt fine. As soon as we got back to my house I was hit with a wall of very intense anxiety.
I tried watching lighthearted and funny things on TV with my boyfriend and that kept the anxiety at bay for a bit, though it just came back.

I have been needing to be around my boyfriend constantly which is unusual for me as I am normally quite a solitary person and do not seek companionship often. Lately I have felt like I need someone with me constantly or else I panic. Fortunately my boyfriend likes being with me all the time and enjoys being social.

I have just been feeling very "on edge" lately.

I have been having this feeling that someone is hiding around every corner and going to jump out and kill me, which I know sounds very silly in theory. I have also had incidents where I thought I was hearing my dad's voice, or seeing a shadow out the corner of my eye and thinking it was him (he has been dead for eight months). I almost want to say I feel like my dad is haunting my house though I feel ashamed to say that.
I don't think it's that though, I think I'm imagining things!

My dad's mum is not allowed to contact me or my mum but every time the phone rings I jump out of my skin thinking it is her. I have been having very intense nightmares about her trying to kill me or my friends and family, and I have had very realistic dreams regarding my dad and his suicide.
Twice in the past month I have had sleep paralysis and one other time I woke up screaming.

My therapist recommended a psych eval as she thinks I am displaying symptoms of a possible trauma-related disorder, like C-PTSD, for example. I'm not sure how much detail I have gone into on here about what happened with my dad's mum though she put me through very severe trauma and abuse since childhood.
My mum is trying to have me evaluated before I start college later this week though I don't think it's likely we're going to get an appointment in time.

Does anyone have any advice or have any idea what may be going on with me?
I feel like I'm losing it.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

You're not losing it.

It was me hiding round the corners

I think its kind of the normal process. Its also part of it to think youve seen someone, or to see people that look like ther person who died.
(From my own experience and readings of years ago)

Alzo with the additional traumas you allude to - fear,anxiety etc, part of a long,slow healing process.
Been there, with different reasons. Family deaths etc. Know the drill.

Its okay to feel the way you feel. Entirely normal with abnormal circumstances.

Youll get there. Be patient with yourself.

Concentrate and hammer home the good things. Which means being positive is an active and deliberate thing, like maintaining a fitness regiment.

The secret to being happy is effort. An active process, you engage in deliberately.

Takes a long time though and you have to make a big effort to see results sometimes.
But say to yourself that you're worth the effort.

(Going to read this back to myself now)

 

[watersprite]

We have strong reactions even though we are strong people.

If you are under a trusted doctor's care then please follow his or her advice.
When we are strong enough to survive abuse and trauma, sometimes for a long while after we still need healing. And it is not a linear path: we get feeling better and then suddenly are worn out and react to our reactions: a vicious cycle. It is, imo, a message from one's self to one's self to listen, take care and show love to self. Slow down. Do only things that make you feel safe and secure.

 

[Momo]

You're not crazy, at least, not that crazy.
I've had many similar problems, including the constant paranoia and anxiety, along with some quite horrific nightmares and all that fun stuff after leaving my father, well, kind of leaving my father. In any case, you're not losing your mind, sometimes I think I'll just wake up and find him choking me, even though I know it's irrational. What you're experiencing is likely PTSD, though unlike you, I didn't get clingy, I went the complete opposite way and started isolating myself from everyone.

It's probably best that you seek psychological help, and yes it will take some time to get over, so be kind to yourself. As for the anxiety thing, people always say try breathing exercises and the likes, but I find those only mildly dim the anxiety so it doesn't blow up into a full-on attack. I think you're best to get up and move around for a bit, even if it's a nightmare that's woken you up at 2 in the morning. Walking it off seems to trick my brain into calming down somewhat, but perhaps that's just for me. Oh and tea, tea is life. Now, if only I take my own advice and seek some help that's better than my current crazy counsellor (the woman is creepy). Wish you the best Jet!

 

[Bella Pines]

Anxiety about college? Was there a trigger? Like when did things change?

 

[Alaska]

Earlier in the evening I went to the mall with my boyfriend and our friends, and during the time we were there I felt fine. As soon as we got back to my house I was hit with a wall of very intense anxiety.
I tried watching lighthearted and funny things on TV with my boyfriend and that kept the anxiety at bay for a bit, though it just came back.

I have been needing to be around my boyfriend constantly which is unusual for me as I am normally quite a solitary person and do not seek companionship often. Lately I have felt like I need someone with me constantly or else I panic. Fortunately my boyfriend likes being with me all the time and enjoys being social.

I have just been feeling very "on edge" lately.

I have been having this feeling that someone is hiding around every corner and going to jump out and kill me, which I know sounds very silly in theory. I have also had incidents where I thought I was hearing my dad's voice, or seeing a shadow out the corner of my eye and thinking it was him (he has been dead for eight months). I almost want to say I feel like my dad is haunting my house though I feel ashamed to say that.
I don't think it's that though, I think I'm imagining things!

My dad's mum is not allowed to contact me or my mum but every time the phone rings I jump out of my skin thinking it is her. I have been having very intense nightmares about her trying to kill me or my friends and family, and I have had very realistic dreams regarding my dad and his suicide.
Twice in the past month I have had sleep paralysis and one other time I woke up screaming.

My therapist recommended a psych eval as she thinks I am displaying symptoms of a possible trauma-related disorder, like C-PTSD, for example. I'm not sure how much detail I have gone into on here about what happened with my dad's mum though she put me through very severe trauma and abuse since childhood.
My mum is trying to have me evaluated before I start college later this week though I don't think it's likely we're going to get an appointment in time.

Does anyone have any advice or have any idea what may be going on with me?
I feel like I'm losing it.

Jet, you are not losing it. There are evil beings in the world and not everything can be explained by science at this point.

Sometimes you need spiritual solutions for spiritual matters. It sounds as if you have had some evil people in your life. You need some spiritual protection from them.

I ran across a simple process that may give you some relief. Before you get out of bed in the morning and when you go to bed at night, you can use white light for protection. You just imagine a field or coccoon of white light surrounding you. You can repeat this whenever you feel the need.

If your home is spiritually contaminated you can purify it by using a drum. Just walk around all over your home tapping the drum. Think of white light while you do this also. It also helps to smudge with cedar or sage. You can also sprinkle salt around, especially into corners.

A particular spiritual or religious belief is not required to do this. It can even work for atheists or agnostics.

Your white light is stronger if you do good deeds. I have noticed you seem to do some good deeds here already. Just keep it up. I hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[Gracey]

Fear isn't "losing it" Jet,
It's a natural response to feeling threatened (your dreams ? )
Your paranoia and feeling edgy may come from hyper vigilance?

Have you done any previous work with your therapist in this area? Have you felt like this before?

Sometimes a specific fear can be isolated as a reason for triggering this kind of response, for example fear of death, fear of being attacked and sometimes (not always) a change in routine or circumstances can have us feel extremely vulnerable, exposed and perhaps exasperate an underlying fear?

How soon do you think you'll find out if you can attend a psyc' eval'?

 

[WittyAspie]

It sounds very much like you have PTSD. In the Army they do constant screening for it. Your answer would be yes to every single question they ask during the screening. A psych eval is a great step if you are interested in treatment, which I imagine you are. Until then deep breaths and hugs work wonders.

 

[Jet Weiss]

Thank you for your replies, everyone. They were very helpful and well-thought-out.

Gracey- I think I will be able to get one within the next two weeks, so the timing isn't perfect, but I will at least not be too deep into school when I get the psych testing done.

Bella- It may be triggered by anxiety about college, I have been feeling this way for the past few weeks and it's getting worse. The sleep paralysis and nightmares have been going on a bit longer.

 

[Bella Pines]

Well firstly the obvious, you are not losing it and have no need to be ashamed of anything. Secondly, the fact that you are analyzing this, describing the symptoms and looking for a solution means that you are already solving your own problems.

Whilst advice and exercises will ultimately fix it, if this is complex PTSD, then there is a physiological component. Read up on Stephen Porges polyvagal theory. He basically describes how prolonged trauma physically changes the brain, leading to a shrunken hippocampus and overactive amygdala. Symptoms would be recall of past events that seem to be happening (might explain the voices) and, what was the word that I think Abmi used, hypervigilence. Constantly being on edge. But the good news is 'neuro plasticity'. However your brain has changed, it can change back. It won't be an instant fix but is perfectly possible. And if you do figure this out, then you will have made a significant breakthrough in trauma treatment

So study up on PTSD and polyvagal theory, once you understand what is happening to you then you can decide how best to fix it. But try to keep college separate. Working with our brains is one of life's challenges and continuous. Even as an adult there is always something to deal with and to solve. So try to compartmentalize tackling the trauma from your studies so that your life may continue.