Interacting With Family Who Don't Recognize Your Issues.

[Kaylee]

i have recently come to accept that i have AS, and even though its a self diagnosis it has been something that was just misdiagnosed as ADD
i apologize for how long this is but to fully understand pretty much most of my back story is needed.
since i was 3 or so i remember being under doctors eyes, therapist, consolars, behavorial specialist and all that jazz. at the age of 3 (1994 or so) i was diagnosed with ADD because of my interactions at preschool i guess. i didnt have any friends, and always cried and such. ever since then my Mom has really latched on to the ADD diagnosis, when i told her i think i may have aspergers about a year ago i was told that they considered that but it was denyed when i was a teen (something i find odd since my dad was the one who said that he thinks i may have it) but ever since then its all my mom talks about is how i need to get past my ADD issues

now i kinda left it be and never had an indepth convo with my dad about the aspergers so i am sure my family does not view me as having it which just extends to the issue of my family viewing my interactions with people and myself as that of someone with just ADD and not the struggles i went through because of an inproper diagnosis. because of this my family and i have a strained relationship. i have been on and off homeless since i was 19, living on couches, in parks, sleeping in mcdonalds and starbucks and using free wifi at the library for my laptop i bought before i was homeless. while i do not want to blame my homelessness on being AS as i understand many have been able to be successful, i understand how it has affected my life and in its current form my anxiety and social issues along with other things have been the reason why i have not been able to hold down a job. now of course because my family does not recognize any issue beyond ADD they see me as just lazy, who needs a kick in the pants to get going. they dont recognize my anxiety as being something debilitating and these sentiments go double for my step parents. because of this they will not let me live with them for even a short time so i became homeless. now i understand the strain that it has caused them and even the strain an offical diagnosis and recognizing aspergers would have on them but this has caused our relationship to be strained, every so often i would start to talk to them again, after not talking to them for awhile, usually because i got scared off, either by something they said or just the stress got to me then trained for months until i decided i had enough courage to message them again and enough time to form my thoughts of the issues i wanted to talk about with them. the most recent time being last may after i got out of the hospital and my family didnt want to talk to me about my issues. while my family tries to look good on paper and tries to act humble these are the things that happen, being told by your mom that you are better off living on the street because you dont appreciate things and she doesnt want to enable me or being kicked out of your dads house by your step mom because you need to just get on with your life and your brother was able to make it on his own without moving in with us and such.

as you can expect these things mentally hurt my brain and self esteem. made even worse by the fact that i am transgender so social, self esteem and safety issues become much more intense and while my family has said they support my transition they have never understood it.

all of this being said i still love my family and i want to get back in touch with them. but i am afraid of how to interact with them. i want to make them understand but it seems at this point almost impossible since they dont recognize my issues or if they do they dont recognize the sevarity of them and how they affect my life.

does anyone have any tips on how to go about this or has anyone delt with a similar situation?

 

[The Penguin]

I can't think of any words to say but my heart goes out to you. You been through a lot.

It was not as rough for me but I was placed in a foster home at age 15 and lived on my own age 17. I was at risk being homeless lots of times. Life can be very hard. But I don't need to tell you this as you already know how hard it is. I wish things to turn around for your life one day.

 

[Vanilla]

I'm sorry to hear about your story. I'm self-diagnosed as well. I've not had anything as extreme as yours, but my family has chosen to ignore me when I bring up the topic. My mother just tells me there's nothing wrong with me, and that I am just going through a rough patch, and my sister simply goes quiet when I mention it, and pretends she can't hear me, until the subject is changed. I'm lucky to at least have one friend who beleives me, and doesn't make me feel crazy.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I haven't precisely been through that. One relative I lived with so I could chase jobs in that area told me to get out because I wasn't a morning person and just wanted an hour of quiet before talking to anybody, so I'd usually just keep quiet and keep to myself until I got good and awake, but you think I spit in her face the way she went on about it. I had enough, moved out, and refused to live with her again. Now we all know I have a legitimate condition, but she still has the attitude that I need to be fixed or learn to conform rather than just leave me alone for a dang hour after I wake up. My mom understands since me and Dad are almost identical on some things (and yet, he's allistic), so she has frequent "I told you so" conversations with that woman whenever I come up in conversation.

Being homeless does make it a pain to get a job. There's a shelter barely a mile up the road that takes in people and they often take them out on a bus to help them find a job. Is there a place like that near you? Is there a job you could do to slowly stabilize and get on your feet, even a self-employed type by making stuff or performing? Maybe if you could get a proper diagnosis they'd be more willing to believe you? I don't know. Fuzzy feelings to you. =(

 

[Ferdinand94]

If you discover a proper way to solve your problem, please let us know. My ''family'' is pretty much kicking me out as well and there's no way I can explain to them what's happening to me, and since we're poorish and living in a third-world country, they wouldn't care to reflect upon what they might consider just a ''psychological trauma''. I would be mocked, of course, especially because I'm self-diagnosed.

I'm a 20 y/o girl who is being constantly compared to a leech, which isn't true since I do work online (freelance translator, Spanish's my mother tongue), cook, clean the house and fix every single household appliance that breaks down since we can't afford new ones and no one else knows a thing about repair basics; and although I don't earn much (too much competition these days), I'm doing my best to keep things balanced, which is apparently going unnoticed and I'm being pressured into justifying my existence with, uh... currency.

''No money, no worth''.

I'm halfway out the door. I wish you better luck.

 

[anne.bc]

I keep hearing a lot of AS cases have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder traits.

Being a classically trained musician with high disciplined ensembles, I prefer order more than chaos. I like chaos with some things, mind you.

I believe in one person talking at a time so you don't have to keep asking things over and over again. You can never get that at my family's gatherings. I wouldn't expect it but I guess my musician personality I want people to stop talking when a person was already talking. I HATE being interrupted, so empathetically, I feel the same for other people that were already talking. I have been doing better about it. Alcohol actually helps me not care. Lol

I wish I could just call everyone to attention sometimes like drum majors do with marching bands.

As for immediate family, my dad is completely ignorant. It's a lost cause so I don't even bother trying to explain my AS to him. He thinks he understands but if he did, he would figure out what my triggers are and would avoid them... And now that he has Alzheimer's, it's too late to explain crap to him.

Before his diagnosis, he was the cause of most of my most recent meltdowns. He didn't know any better but to have two polar opposite brains butting heads, yeah that's gonna get ugly. He misses me but I am so glad to be out of that house. If I wasn't going through personal stuff right now (someone died and it rocked me pretty hard), I'd make efforts to go over there for at least a few minutes and pretend he's not triggering anything. That whole "oh grow up" thing we all go through? I am doing great at that. To watch someone that raised you slowly morph back into a child is frustrating.