Interview angst

[Emmz]

Hi guys. I'm currently feeling despondent as I've just been knocked back from my third job interview in the last month. Feedback is always along the lines of: "You got top marks on the written test, and what you said in the interview was fine - you just didn't say enough."

I've spent a lifetime being told I don't talk enough, and suspect this is also the reason I'm not able to attract a partner, rarely get invited to anything socially, and friends are always to busy to see me. Hence you can see why this is something of a sensitive subject.

Things people say to try to make me feel better are:

- Well, it's good that you're getting interviews, at least.
I've always had no problem getting interviews, as I have a good CV and put effort into my application. But those things count for nothing if people don't like me when they meet me.

- Oh well, it's all good experience.
That may be true the first couple of times. But if you're getting your hopes up every time only to then come crashing back down to reality, you end up feeling completely burnt out by the whole experience.

By way of background, I currently work in a low-paid admin job, although I've got qualifications from three universities. I've been sacked a number of times in the past, which is what drove me to get my diagnosis. This also inspired me to become active in my trade union, and the jobs I'm currently applying for are full-time union roles.

I've decided I would prefer to remain in the closet about my condition unless and until it causes further problems for me at work, in which case disclosing it could put me in a stronger position legally.

I'm wondering how other people with the condition cope with interviews, and whether you have any tips worth sharing? At the moment, I'm thinking my only hope might be Columbian marching powder... ;-)

 

[Nitro]

 

[LucyPurrs]

Welcome to AC, you're in a good place!

 

[Ronin82]

Wish I could help. I'm in a similar scenario. I thought I did a decent interview about 10 days ago, but have not heard back from the company. I'm going to have to inquire about feedback on the interview if I don't hear something from them next week.

Yea, ASD really does get in the way of not just landing a job, but keeping it too. It the little social things that no one expects to be so difficult that just are impossible to figure out. Hope you finally land something!

Do you work with your states Disability Employment services? They can get you help with placement, practicing interviews, and whatever help you need to actually LAND a job. I'm working with mine, even though I'm pretty independent and high-functioning....except for those interviews....

Good luck!

 

[FreeDiver]

Unfortunately. When it comes to seeking employment. Interviews and resumes are our biggest stumbling block. In fact, you could say that they are our worst enemy when it comes to seeking employment. And even if you're lucky to get past them or avoid them altogether. Once you get the job, can you get along with your co-workers, your boss etc? Are you getting bullied by them? Plus, sensory issues must be takin into account as well. Are the noises in the room/environment distracting you and keeping you from concentrating/focusing on your work? What if one of the fluorescent lights up in the ceiling is flickering so bad that you can ignore/tune it out?

 

[FreeDiver]

I've decided I would prefer to remain in the closet about my condition unless and until it causes further problems for me at work,

If your "condition" is not in any way affecting you ability to do your job? then by all means keep it in the "closet". Just be aware that an unexpected change in your work environment could end in disaster.

in which case disclosing it could put me in a stronger position legally.

Or it could easily get you fired. Believe me, companies have some very creative ways of cheating the legal system and even if you manage to force them into "legal" submission. They will probably do things to make your life miserable on the job. Either way, you'll get burned in the end.

 

[Fitzo]

Could you maybe write out some questions you are likely to get and practice your responses. Or if possible, get someone else to do it with you. I find I am much better if I have rehearsed the possible scenario over and over in my head beforehand and written and rewritten my best responses.

Oh, and welcome to AC. I hope you find some useful info here!

 

[tlc]

I'd not list your condition as a disability. As was said. And because it does have advantages too for some lines of work. Just describe the traits that make you and let them make what they want of it. I explained this at one of the last interviews I went to. Like how I'm much better left to design something, rather than trying to sell it to the customer. He laughed and said "yeah that's everybody here". I aced the questions, sketches, and they knew I knew what I was doing based on the questions I was asking about their products. Then we started talking about the upcoming eclipse. Didn't get the job, but for other reasons. As they say it's often more about who you know than what you know. Sad to say that's the only way I've gotten every job I've ever had. Scares me to think what I'd do if I go live somewhere else.

 

[Progster]

I can relate, because I also get told that I'm too quiet and don't talk enough - I find it hard to keep a conversation going in a way that sounds natural. People think that I'm boring and don't bother talking to me.

I suggest that you get a friend or family member to help you prepare for an interview by role playing the interviewer. Also, make a list of common interview questions, write down your answers and practice speaking.

 

[Bella Pines]

Hence you can see why this is something of a sensitive subject.

So even more impressive that you recognize it and are facing up to it.

Things people say to try to make me feel better ...

Empty platitudes are not going to get you a job. Whilst I applaud your likely neurotypical associates for trying to make you feel better, what you actually need to do is learn from your experiences and improve your technique.

For starters I would suggest:

1. Video yourself. If you can find a friend/acquaintance who has interviewed people, then practice with them, but film the . If you can't find anyone then do it on your own. Then, play the video back and imagine you are the interviewer. Would you hire yourself? Why not? Is it facial expression? Are your answers too short?

2. Take acting classes. With enough practice you should be able to wear your interview mask with ease. "Well, I would say my greatest challenge was..."

3. Write a script. There really aren't many questions in interviews. "why do you want to work here?", "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?", "why are you looking to leave your current position?".

4. BE AWARE OF THE INTERVIEWERS. I've interviewed hundreds of candidates over the years and really, by the time they get to me, they've been through about 4 interviews and are suitable. Most of the time I just need them not to mess up and they've got the job. But that is unbelievably rare. So look at the interviewer, if they are nodding off then stop talking. If they are waiting for more information then give it to them. If they are checking their watch then inject some more enthusiasm.

5. Ask them questions. For example, if they say, "what did you enjoy the most about your last job?", and you don't really know what to say, then ask "do you mean specific to the work/ technically or in general?"

6. Train up. Find youtube videos about interview techniques and use them to write your script.

 

[SameStars]

Welcome to AC!

The usual response I got after an interview was either you don't sell yourself enough or we didn't get to know you as a person. The last successful interview, I just blurted out lots of stuff about myself, and I was lucky that the persons interviewing me could see some promise despite my discomfort.

My family helped me with mock interviews several times, and preparing some questions to ask them also is important. And depending on the people who interview you, you can say honestly I'm pretty nervous right now, that might break up the tension a little. Don't over-prepare maybe, since that can make you appear wooden.

Anyway, good luck with the job-hunting.

 

[Emmz]

Welcome to AC, you're in a good place!

Thanks. Lovely cat, btw

 

[Emmz]

Wish I could help. I'm in a similar scenario. I thought I did a decent interview about 10 days ago, but have not heard back from the company. I'm going to have to inquire about feedback on the interview if I don't hear something from them next week.

Yea, ASD really does get in the way of not just landing a job, but keeping it too. It the little social things that no one expects to be so difficult that just are impossible to figure out. Hope you finally land something!

Do you work with your states Disability Employment services? They can get you help with placement, practicing interviews, and whatever help you need to actually LAND a job. I'm working with mine, even though I'm pretty independent and high-functioning....except for those interviews....

Good luck!

Thanks anyway - nice to know it's not just me. I'm in Britain where we've got a scheme called Access to Work, but you need to be referred by your existing employer, so obviously it would be no good for interview practice as I don't want them to know I'm looking to get out!
Good luck with your job search too.

 

[Emmz]

Unfortunately. When it comes to seeking employment. Interviews and resumes are our biggest stumbling block. In fact, you could say that they are our worst enemy when it comes to seeking employment. And even if you're lucky to get past them or avoid them altogether. Once you get the job, can you get along with your co-workers, your boss etc? Are you getting bullied by them? Plus, sensory issues must be takin into account as well. Are the noises in the room/environment distracting you and keeping you from concentrating/focusing on your work? What if one of the fluorescent lights up in the ceiling is flickering so bad that you can ignore/tune it out?

I'm fortunate in that sensory issues aren't generally a problem for me. But yes, it's very rare for me to get on with bosses or colleagues (although I've never had any complaints from members of the public I work with).

 

[Emmz]

Could you maybe write out some questions you are likely to get and practice your responses. Or if possible, get someone else to do it with you. I find I am much better if I have rehearsed the possible scenario over and over in my head beforehand and written and rewritten my best responses.

Oh, and welcome to AC. I hope you find some useful info here!

Thanks. I did write out some potential responses, but maybe could have done more, as there were a few questions I couldn't think of answers to.

 

[Emmz]

I've interviewed hundreds of candidates over the years and really, by the time they get to me, they've been through about 4 interviews and are suitable.

So are you a senior manager then? I have zero interest in, or aptitude for, managing people, but I'm interested to know how somebody manages to get to a position like that with ASC?

Thanks for the tips, btw.

 

[Bella Pines]

I started in IT, perl, java, sybase. I think a lot of developers are undiagnosed ASD. They often like to keep to themselves and work well alone.

A long time ago, I was lucky enough to get a really good manager who persisted and persisted and persisted! He taught me a number of things. Firstly, every time I did something that was socially unacceptable, he would send me to a communications training course as punishment. I did dozens. Secondly, he taught me how to manage. He said that you are only as good as your team and if you do one thing, it is protect them and "let them work". So over the years, I was obviously sidelined and demoted by senior management, over and over again, such is the aspie way. But also, I noticed that other people got sidelined with me. So all the "special" developers, the highly intelligent but socially challenged ones got put in my team. Eventually the team started to excel! I let them develop, guided them where they needed it and carved out a niche whereby I design things and my teams make stuff happen.

But don't imagine for a second that it's a happy ending! I still come out in hives when I have to travel to work, I still alternate between meltdowns and shutdowns, I easily forget decades of training, I even forget what I have in my hands. I wear a mask by default and no one really knows the real me. But I have learned to survive for now, whilst still planning my escape...

 

[Emmz]

Good that all those communication courses didn't make you resentful and rebellious, as I'm sure they would have done with me. I've often thought the tech industry must be a lot more accepting towards autistic staff - although no bed of roses, obviously.

 

[Streetwise]

not my dog by the way i've got four cats

 

[Emmz]

Thanks - very cute!