Loves_Maxi
New Member
Good Day from Down Under.
I have fallen in love with an undiaganosed Aspie it's taken me months to work out, and being a health professional with what I thought was good working knowledge on ASD I'm pretty ashamed that I didn't cotton on sooner.
We started off as a one off hook up. Not proud to say that, but it is what it is, well ... I won't use the word in polite company but one hook up became several intermittent hook ups NSA.
That was what he could cope with when we met, and I wasn't aware of him being an Aspie .. something I have never done before. I'm not proud of it,
We became friends with benefits and are now... still friends with benefits.... only much much better better friends. And I'm in love with him. And with what I know now I'm amazed he has let me into his life as far as he has.
Being in Australia the health culture is very different and the geneneral knowledge of the population in relation to ASD and Aspies in particular appears to be extraordinarily limited.
I have a specific interest, both in my line of work, and personally as I have a nephew and a grandchild with ASD. I also originate from a different health culture where there is greater understanding and recognition.
So back to Maxi.
He is adorable, quirky, highly smart, brilliant with numbers, a bit of a recluse and a genuinely Good guy.
He brings out the best in me, he brings out my nurturing and caring side. I can see him as he is and just want to be there with him, and he lets me, which is massive.
I'm at the stage of life where being comfortable with someone and seeing the good in them is what I need for happily ever after. I can see his so called weaknesses and alleged faults ... but heck if we focus on what we can't do I'll be forever grieving that fact Im not an astronaut.
We are both older and neither of us are first timers in relationships.
He has his ways, they aren't hurtful or mysterious when one considers who he is and how he functions. Understanding and acceptance is key.
He keeps his parents, who are part of his routine, even though he works and lives alone, rigidly separate from me. That's his comfort zone.
He was the same with his nearly grown up children from his marriage until a few weeks ago when he asked me over for coffee and they were there... This is After 7 months of me returning to my own place at ungodly hours because the kids were coming .. or not seeing him because he had the kids.
Which I fully accepted and agreed with.
It was a shock, but then I thought about it and realised he possibly isn't able to imagine how I might feel suddenly faced with his children or even how they might feel, he had decided that He was ok with this and so that's what he did,
Luckily his kids were cool and I don't have two heads, and we just normaled it out whilst he was visibly dealing with his high anxieties and hyper vigilance triggered by his stepping out of his comfort zone.
He didn't relax, but he got through it. I admire him for that.
The same happened when he let me meet his mates. .. no doubt one day I'll get the call to go over for coffee and his parents will be there, but in his own time, there's no rush.
I can't tell him "I love him" ... that sends his anxiety levels through the roof, pushes him away based on His previous experience of "love" and relationships that I've gleaned, of course he never discusses them directly, but you pick up stuff along the way.
I adore this man. I can sit in silence with him comfortably. He can keep me engaged for hours with his talking about what floats his boat.
I can gently tease him and make him smile. And he makes me smile
The recommendations from non Aspie advice columns for NT women discovering they have found themselves an Aspie appears to be RUN NOW...
But if I have my eyes open and know what to expect, or rather know what Not to expect.. why shouldn't we be happy in our odd kind of way?
Any way .. that's me... that's "us"
I have fallen in love with an undiaganosed Aspie it's taken me months to work out, and being a health professional with what I thought was good working knowledge on ASD I'm pretty ashamed that I didn't cotton on sooner.
We started off as a one off hook up. Not proud to say that, but it is what it is, well ... I won't use the word in polite company but one hook up became several intermittent hook ups NSA.
That was what he could cope with when we met, and I wasn't aware of him being an Aspie .. something I have never done before. I'm not proud of it,
We became friends with benefits and are now... still friends with benefits.... only much much better better friends. And I'm in love with him. And with what I know now I'm amazed he has let me into his life as far as he has.
Being in Australia the health culture is very different and the geneneral knowledge of the population in relation to ASD and Aspies in particular appears to be extraordinarily limited.
I have a specific interest, both in my line of work, and personally as I have a nephew and a grandchild with ASD. I also originate from a different health culture where there is greater understanding and recognition.
So back to Maxi.
He is adorable, quirky, highly smart, brilliant with numbers, a bit of a recluse and a genuinely Good guy.
He brings out the best in me, he brings out my nurturing and caring side. I can see him as he is and just want to be there with him, and he lets me, which is massive.
I'm at the stage of life where being comfortable with someone and seeing the good in them is what I need for happily ever after. I can see his so called weaknesses and alleged faults ... but heck if we focus on what we can't do I'll be forever grieving that fact Im not an astronaut.
We are both older and neither of us are first timers in relationships.
He has his ways, they aren't hurtful or mysterious when one considers who he is and how he functions. Understanding and acceptance is key.
He keeps his parents, who are part of his routine, even though he works and lives alone, rigidly separate from me. That's his comfort zone.
He was the same with his nearly grown up children from his marriage until a few weeks ago when he asked me over for coffee and they were there... This is After 7 months of me returning to my own place at ungodly hours because the kids were coming .. or not seeing him because he had the kids.
Which I fully accepted and agreed with.
It was a shock, but then I thought about it and realised he possibly isn't able to imagine how I might feel suddenly faced with his children or even how they might feel, he had decided that He was ok with this and so that's what he did,
Luckily his kids were cool and I don't have two heads, and we just normaled it out whilst he was visibly dealing with his high anxieties and hyper vigilance triggered by his stepping out of his comfort zone.
He didn't relax, but he got through it. I admire him for that.
The same happened when he let me meet his mates. .. no doubt one day I'll get the call to go over for coffee and his parents will be there, but in his own time, there's no rush.
I can't tell him "I love him" ... that sends his anxiety levels through the roof, pushes him away based on His previous experience of "love" and relationships that I've gleaned, of course he never discusses them directly, but you pick up stuff along the way.
I adore this man. I can sit in silence with him comfortably. He can keep me engaged for hours with his talking about what floats his boat.
I can gently tease him and make him smile. And he makes me smile
The recommendations from non Aspie advice columns for NT women discovering they have found themselves an Aspie appears to be RUN NOW...
But if I have my eyes open and know what to expect, or rather know what Not to expect.. why shouldn't we be happy in our odd kind of way?
Any way .. that's me... that's "us"
. I get what you mean about the 'mental health' stuff in Australia, it's not exactly the greatest when it comes to Aspergers or Autism, take me for example. Went through a whole series of tests and then the doctors decided I had "aspergers like tendencies" and couldn't possibly be an aspie because—female? Still, better than China's mental health system... *shiver* Anywho, welcome.
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