Introduction and question about diagnosis

[Cinco]

Hello

I'm a 21 year old guy who has recently been diagnosed with aspergers and ADD after seeing a therapist and a specialist for a year now.
When I got my diagnose my mother was sceptical about it and I myself have been sceptical about it.
I guess I'll tell a bit about my life

I grew up in small rural town, I went to a small school which went from 1st to 7th grade and had about 60-70 pupils. Our class only had 11 kids in it so everyone was basically "forced" to be friends with one another. I swapped from this school to another like 4 times because my family is kind of poor and we move alot but I mostly went to this school I'm currently talking about so I wont go into too much detail about the other school other than the fact that it was a more central and bigger school.
Anyway, I had actual friends at school, I did really good and had good grades. The teachers said I was a nice and knid student student who was really social and loved working with others, but as far as I can remember that "working" was mostly fooling around with my friends

I did have some social problems like expanding my group of friends and talking about personal things to others. I also got left out of some activities and and picked on from time to time but nothing too major
As I got older and finished 7th grade my entire class had to go to another school, this was the school I talked about earlier, I already knew the people in the class we had to merge with so I didn't really have much trouble fitting in.
This school was 1st-10th grade but I started there in 8th and finished 10th.
During this period everyone went through puberty. Everyone starting getting girlfriends, hanging out, dating and having sex. This is the time that's been most difficult for me growing up because I was kinda left out, I had problems socially and never got anywhere with girls. I knew girls and there were girls I wanted to befriend and maybe date but as I said I had a hard time making new friends and talking to new people. Showing and telling a girl how I felt about her was and still is something I've never been able to do. This doesn't only apply to women, I even have a hard time showing my own family members how much I love them.

High school comes after and I have to go to a school out of town, and the first thing I noticed is that everyone I knew from old school kind of just changed. They got new friends, new things to do and it was so strange seeing how they just made this seemless transition from one place to another.
During high school I didn't make any friends and my grades went down the drain, I was left out of every social group and even ate my lunch alone at times.
I kept trying to make friends and learn new stuff by taking different classes each year for a total of 4 years and on 3 different schools but never got anywhere and got no new interests or hobbies.
After high school I kind of isolated myself and did the thing I loved the most, being at home with my family and playing videogames by myself. This seems to be the only thing that makes me feel normal.
When I turned 20 I decided to join the army because everyone says the army will fix your problems. I join the army and regret it after the first day.
The same problems that I experienced in high school occur. I didn't make any friends but everyone else was getting along just fine, I couldn't keep up or understand what was going on and I just wanted to go home.
During the 3rd week in the army I went to talk to my sergant and without any warning I had a breakdown and started crying right infront of him.
He sendt me to see the military therapist which let me go home after writing me off with "depression".

After I got home from the army I found a job working as a technician for fishfarms out on the sea, it payed well but I had to work 10 hours each day and be around people 24/7 for but the same thing as high school and the army occured and I had to leave after working there for almost 3 months.
After that I knew I needed help if I wanted to get anywhere in life, I was tired of trying to act "normal" and just force myself to fit in without actually enjoying myself, and seeing how other suceed and enjoy life so much just made everything worse for me.
I saw my doctor but he wasn't much help, he gave me some antidepressants which I didn't need and are currently trying to quit, and set me up with a therapist
I go to the therapist for almost a year before she sends me to see a specialist.
Just 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with aspergers and ADD.
After I told my mom she couldn't believe it and she blames herself for being a bad mother, she even started crying when she first found out. I try talking to her but as I stated I really don't know how to express myself or talk about things like this.

Now the point is that I kind of don't want to believe this diagnose myself, I've tried being "normal" my entire life but it never worked but at the same time I think that I'm somewhat able to "cure" the way I am.
I'm not one of those people who thinks the mental "illness" is just fiction and neither is my mother, it's just hard to hear such a thing when I was doing so well my entire childhood.

Anyway I hope this is a page where I can get answers to my questions and maybe even some help in the future

Had to edit to fix spelling errors and grammar mistakes, english is not my first language

 

[NeoPhile]

Welcome to Aspies Central!
You're welcome to come here and post and make friends!
I can relate. I had trouble with relationships, too. I was never able to hold down a relationship. I hope things get better for you. This is a good website where people care. Talk and we'll listen.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

After I told my mom she couldn't believe it and she blames herself for being a bad mother, she even started crying when she first found out. I try talking to her but as I stated I really don't know how to express myself or talk about things like this.

My Mum was exactly the same when I was diagnosed last year. I explained to her that it's not anything she did and there is nothing she could have done any differently to have changed the diagnosis. Maybe you could find some information for parents online, and that would help her to understand that this is in no way her fault.

Now the point is that I kind of don't want to believe this diagnose myself, I've tried being "normal" my entire life but it never worked but at the same time I think that I'm somewhat able to "cure" the way I am.
I'm not one of those people who thinks the mental "illness" is just fiction and neither is my mother, it's just hard to hear such a thing when I was doing so well my entire childhood.

Ultimately, nothing we say can change your mind if you don't want to believe your diagnosis. However, every one of us with ASD has our strengths as well as our weaknesses, so maybe try to focus on that. In terms of feeling like it's hard because you had less trouble as a child, I would say that for most people with Asperger's, it's the same story. Yes, some of us struggled more than others as children, but most of us really started to struggle (and maybe notice it more) when we had to go to high school, and puberty hit.

You'll find plenty of help and advice here

For me personally, despite all of the problems, I wouldn't change having Asperger's. I wouldn't be who I am without it. Also, really pedantic but ASD isn't a metal illness, it's a neurodevelopmental disorder.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

You need to educate yourself about the condition. There's some good books out there, everyone will recommend Tony Attwood's 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome'.

You also need to know that having Asperger's doesn't make you mentally ill. It is not a mental illness. Nor is it something you've developed because of bad parenting. It's a condition you're born with. It effectively means you will hit a certain point in your development where you will struggle socially. Some people struggle straight off the bat, others like you start to struggle towards the end of school. Most struggle in the start of the middle part of school life.

You can learn strategies to deal with your social problems but essentially what you're doing is masking your traits; you don't know these things intuitively therefore you learn them through study. The problem is though is that you've got to remember everything in real time and if you place too much of a burden on yourself with these things you're going to get very exhausted and then depressed because you realise you can't do it all. So, what I'm saying is learn enough to get by. There's plenty of stuff on the internet that you can apply to yourself, just YouTube things like, "how to keep a conversation going".

Go read Tony Attwood's book, it might well change your perspective on it. Asperger's isn't as a big deal as you think it is. Having this diagnosis doesn't change who you are, it might just make it clear what your troubles are though.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Katleya]

Welcome, Cinco!
I think if this diagnosis came as a surprise for you, then it is perfectly understandable for you to have trouble accepting it right away. You haven't really had the time to prepare yourself, or even to find out more about what it implies. So, in your position, it could be a bit like accepting the "death" of who you thought you were (death might be exaggerated, but I hope you see where I'm trying to get). However, while not being typical and perfectly fitting in may be a disappointment, your diagnosis is not a lifelong sentence. I mean, it is a lifelong condition, but there are strategies and mechanisms you can learn/use to make your interactions with others more comfortable, or at least not as hard and draining. So you won't be "cured" because it's not an illness, but you don't have to constantly suffer from it. Although it comes with some tough challenges, there are also some more positive aspects, and I hope you'll be able to find a place where you can make the most of those

As for your mother: mine had a very, very hard time as well during her interview in February. And I had been discussing Asperger's with her for over 5 years, so she was aware of my suspicions. We've always been very close, and I'm an only child, but when she was asked questions about my childhood behavior, she said she got to feel very guilty because she just did not notice most of the traits, and how could she overlook so many things?
I was lucky to be taking my tests with a very empathetic psychiatrist. My mother came with me for the results, and the psychiatrist explained to her that without other children around to compare, it would have been harder to tell that I wasn't acting "normal", but she did a great job in finding coping mechanisms. At the same time, I was so shut to the outside world that there was no way she could have known. And teens? Teen angst is such a cliché that most people brush off the teen who has trouble adjusting as either nerdy or asocial, and assume it'll go away when they're adults, so that's yet another way of missing on the "signs."

 

[Streetwise]

first type in Spanish if im correct about your language then get the pc to translate- plenty of people never bother to learn your language
im almost like you but 26 years older and DIDNT enjoy primary (1-3grade)school
secondary(same as high school and a private school all ages)
tried things like you never worked id
say try going to a group for depression its scary but after youll have done something apart from playing video games and zoning out

 

[Aspie_rin]

It must really be a shock to you, getting that diagnosis before you even started to wonder about it yourself. Though I'm sure that you will some day realise that this diagnosis is the best thing that could have happened to you. Think about it, how did it feel to struggle so much socially without ever knowing why? Now you know, and by learning more about AS, and about yourself, you will be able to develop strategies to do better in life (and develop your aspie strenghts, because aspergers comes with strenghts, too!)

 

[Moises]

Hello

I'm a 21 year old guy who has recently been diagnosed with aspergers and ADD after seeing a therapist and a specialist for a year now.
When I got my diagnose my mother was sceptical about it and I myself have been sceptical about it.
I guess I'll tell a bit about my life

I grew up in small rural town, I went to a small school which went from 1st to 7th grade and had about 60-70 pupils. Our class only had 11 kids in it so everyone was basically "forced" to be friends with one another. I swapped from this school to another like 4 times because my family is kind of poor and we move alot but I mostly went to this school I'm currently talking about so I wont go into too much detail about the other school other than the fact that it was a more central and bigger school.
Anyway, I had actual friends at school, I did really good and had good grades. The teachers said I was a nice and knid student student who was really social and loved working with others, but as far as I can remember that "working" was mostly fooling around with my friends

I did have some social problems like expanding my group of friends and talking about personal things to others. I also got left out of some activities and and picked on from time to time but nothing too major
As I got older and finished 7th grade my entire class had to go to another school, this was the school I talked about earlier, I already knew the people in the class we had to merge with so I didn't really have much trouble fitting in.
This school was 1st-10th grade but I started there in 8th and finished 10th.
During this period everyone went through puberty. Everyone starting getting girlfriends, hanging out, dating and having sex. This is the time that's been most difficult for me growing up because I was kinda left out, I had problems socially and never got anywhere with girls. I knew girls and there were girls I wanted to befriend and maybe date but as I said I had a hard time making new friends and talking to new people. Showing and telling a girl how I felt about her was and still is something I've never been able to do. This doesn't only apply to women, I even have a hard time showing my own family members how much I love them.

High school comes after and I have to go to a school out of town, and the first thing I noticed is that everyone I knew from old school kind of just changed. They got new friends, new things to do and it was so strange seeing how they just made this seemless transition from one place to another.
During high school I didn't make any friends and my grades went down the drain, I was left out of every social group and even ate my lunch alone at times.
I kept trying to make friends and learn new stuff by taking different classes each year for a total of 4 years and on 3 different schools but never got anywhere and got no new interests or hobbies.
After high school I kind of isolated myself and did the thing I loved the most, being at home with my family and playing videogames by myself. This seems to be the only thing that makes me feel normal.
When I turned 20 I decided to join the army because everyone says the army will fix your problems. I join the army and regret it after the first day.
The same problems that I experienced in high school occur. I didn't make any friends but everyone else was getting along just fine, I couldn't keep up or understand what was going on and I just wanted to go home.
During the 3rd week in the army I went to talk to my sergant and without any warning I had a breakdown and started crying right infront of him.
He sendt me to see the military therapist which let me go home after writing me off with "depression".

After I got home from the army I found a job working as a technician for fishfarms out on the sea, it payed well but I had to work 10 hours each day and be around people 24/7 for but the same thing as high school and the army occured and I had to leave after working there for almost 3 months.
After that I knew I needed help if I wanted to get anywhere in life, I was tired of trying to act "normal" and just force myself to fit in without actually enjoying myself, and seeing how other suceed and enjoy life so much just made everything worse for me.
I saw my doctor but he wasn't much help, he gave me some antidepressants which I didn't need and are currently trying to quit, and set me up with a therapist
I go to the therapist for almost a year before she sends me to see a specialist.
Just 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with aspergers and ADD.
After I told my mom she couldn't believe it and she blames herself for being a bad mother, she even started crying when she first found out. I try talking to her but as I stated I really don't know how to express myself or talk about things like this.

Now the point is that I kind of don't want to believe this diagnose myself, I've tried being "normal" my entire life but it never worked but at the same time I think that I'm somewhat able to "cure" the way I am.
I'm not one of those people who thinks the mental "illness" is just fiction and neither is my mother, it's just hard to hear such a thing when I was doing so well my entire childhood.

Anyway I hope this is a page where I can get answers to my questions and maybe even some help in the future

Had to edit to fix spelling errors and grammar mistakes, english is not my first language

Welcome to Aspies Central! I also am bilingual, Spanish and English, but my Spanish is not good in my opinion. Otherwise, it was my first language. Being a freshman, I go to a small public high school and have made a few close friends. All the students there get along fine and never feel unsafe. I too have had the issue of talking about personal things, only going into a specific subject that I and my friends liked. But I do come off as socially awkward, though no one ever mentions it. Thing is, I was lucky enough to be diagnosed at an early age. And only have learned to know it in my middle school years. However, my grades were never good since then. Only the occasional A in math and or science. Literature is my weakest point. My 1st-semester grades for this year was abysmal, failing in Intro to Literature and needing to take summer school for make-up. Otherwise, I hope you're doing well now! Cheers!

 

[Cinco]

Hello

Thanks for all the answers.
first of all; no I'm not Spanish and I don't use a translator my motor skills are lacking and I've always had trouble writing on paper and on keyboard even though I've spendt most of my life infront of one. Also grammar and literature isn't my strongest field.
(my nationality is private)

My mom doesn't seem to bother anymore, she has changed a little bit and seems to be more understanding about my needs now which is great, and at the same time it's not like she's treating me like I'm a different person.
But after my diagnosis I'm now being "forced" to attend these "job practise meetings" in town twice a week. If I don't attand these both me and my mom can lose our "benefits" which is really bad because as I said earlier, we're a poor family.
And for me this kind of thing doesn't make any sense to me considering that my therapist said that nobody should force me to do anything that I do not want, and to be honest; driving 1 hour into town to attent a meeting with strangers who are nothing like me, stay there for 3-4 hours and listen to things that I've heard a million times before doesn't not do anything good for me.
And It's not like I don't want to get help or work, I want help but this is not the way to help me, I know what this is and how it will make me feel, it's no different from the things I've heard and done in the past.
And when it comes to work, I have plenty of work to do at home and I work everyday by chopping firewood, doing housework, gardening etc.
I want to work but I do not want a job because a job is jsut restraining for me.
I don't want people to think I'm lazy or just a "leech on society" for thinking and feeling like this