Introduction

[JennieK]

Hello!

New here, and wanted to say "Hi" to everyone. I'm recently self-diagnosed, reading all the books, and gathering info online at this stage. I'm still finding it hard grasp really. It's hard to believe something like this escaped me for so long, especially given my background in Psychology in college. Admittedly, the term only appeared mainstream around the time I was enrolled in college during the late '90's! I didn't know much about Asperger syndrome until a few years ago. My husband has read over the traits and agrees that it's quite the fit for my personality and oddities.

I'm considering the process of a professional diagnosis, thought still not sure if it's worth the trouble. Considering I've been off and on in therapy since the age of 19, with a handful of soft diagnoses (none were Asperger, obviously), I'm skeptical and a bit bitter at this point that no one was able to pinpoint or identify this might be my actual diagnosis. It's a hard pill to swallow. I'm actually rather upset about it all.

I thought I'd better seek out a community, so here I am

Jennie

 

[Digger]

Hi Jennie, I'm new here as well. I just got told last week I have Aspergers, at the ripe old age of 33. I know what you mean about feeling bitter that it's not been identified. I think there are just not very many people that understand Aspergers in adults (or women) well enough to spot it. I was told by a couple of NHS people that I don't have Aspergers before I went to a charity that confirmed it.

I know it can seem upsetting, but there are different ways of looking at it. Personally I like to see Aspergers as an explanation rather than a defect. It makes me understand myself a lot better. I hope that you will read a lot of different perspectives on here that might make you feel a bit more positive about it

 

[JennieK]

Digger, thanks for the welcome. As an explanation, it does make sense! And feels better than seeing it as a defect, certainly.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

You'll find quite a few members have had to learn of their AS much later in life. Many don't learn about it until their late 20s+. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in all this, and that we are all still learning much about AS, and about ourselves.

As for whether you need to get a diagnoses, it really depends on whether you feel you need one. Some of our members have gotten one, so that they may receive special benefits, or consideration. Some have simply wanted to find closure, in having an official diagnoses. We also have some members who remain self-diagnosed, for various reasons.

I've added a selection of links below, which may be of interest to you.

Resources (books, web links, etc.): Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com

AS for women:

Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

Day 62: Females with Asperger’s Syndrome (Non-Official) Checklist | Everyday Asperger's

Tony Attwood: Home

Non-official AS tests: Online Tests | Life on the Spectrum

 

[JennieK]

Hi Vanilla, thanks for the welcome and links. I'm currently reading the Tony Attwood book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, and Rudy Simone's Aspergirls. I figured I'd read through those before scheduling an appointment for a diagnosis.

 

[Suzanne]

Hello JennieK

I get you very much, for I am similar! I am soon to be 45 (yuck) and only came across the word, about 5 year's ago, but although I recognised that indeed, I could be reading about myself, I pushed it away, because I felt it was too good to be true (actually an answer to my issues), but it just kept appearing and the more I thought about it, the more, I felt that I did indeed, have aspergers, but only on the very edge of it, since I can read emotions and do not have a monotone voice or blank face, but now I am 100% sure I have it and not just a bit!!

At last, I have all the answers to why I am this way, but unlike your husband, my husband just is not interested and tends to use traits against me ie thinks I am using being an aspie, as an excuse to be nasty! When the blunt truth is, he is the cruel one!!!

You will find what you are looking for here, so welcome and I love your smile

 

[JennieK]

Thanks Suzanne

Actually, while he admits I have the traits, he then shrugs it all away and says "so what, now let's get on with our lives" as if it's nothing. I'm actually in a very depressed state of mind because of his misunderstanding of it what this all means. I at least feel a sense of relief that there's an explanation for the belittling, bullying, and such that happened my whole life. It explains absolutely everything I've experienced thus far. Amazing, really. While he is telling me to see a doctor, he's also saying that I'm lazy, stubborn, dense, and all nice stuff. I don't get it. I don't understand why he doesn't get it. I'm poring over the information and the books, and when I try to tell him things, he barely listens and makes excuses that we all have problems. He doesn't want to hear it.

 

[Suzanne]

Thanks Suzanne

Actually, while he admits I have the traits, he then shrugs it all away and says "so what, now let's get on with our lives" as if it's nothing. I'm actually in a very depressed state of mind because of his misunderstanding of it what this all means. I at least feel a sense of relief that there's an explanation for the belittling, bullying, and such that happened my whole life. It explains absolutely everything I've experienced thus far. Amazing, really. While he is telling me to see a doctor, he's also saying that I'm lazy, stubborn, dense, and all nice stuff. I don't get it. I don't understand why he doesn't get it. I'm poring over the information and the books, and when I try to tell him things, he barely listens and makes excuses that we all have problems. He doesn't want to hear it.

Oh wow, he really sadly, is similar to my husband then! I am so sorry that you have to go through, what I am going through! I honestly do not wish it on anyone, but at the same time, I don't feel quite so alone! Yes, I am called all those as well and I have so many meltdowns, it is untrue. He said: well get an official diagnosis and I may agree you have it and now that I am going to try, he says: well, it won't change anything!

He utterly confuses me, which gets me so hot with anger, I actually hate him, which in turn, crushes me and makes me cry inside! He keeps promising to read but that promise is always procrastinating! Yet he over and over tells me to stop interrupting and please lower your voice and you take me too literally and when I say: I am really not dealing well, I get: huh you think I am and I am screaming inside: yes but it is you, who will not listen to me!!!!

It is all about me changing, never: let us work together to find harmony and that makes me cry so much, for I want our marriage to work, but i cannot accept that it is all my fault!!!

 

[JennieK]

Yes!!! I am constantly being told to stop interrupting and to lower my voice!!! Wow.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes!!! I am constantly being told to stop interrupting and to lower my voice!!! Wow.

Oh my! Wow indeed lol

 

[rogersmom09]

i am shocked when ppl say they are so much older in life before finding this, my son is 5 we knew from birth he was different seeking diognosis now to confirm it. my question to all of you is how did you deal with school... witch is the fear i have for my son.

 

[JennieK]

School was structure, so I did well in class. I didn't do well with socializing. I was also bullied somewhat, yet accepted. I was considered "odd" or unique. I graduated with honors and scored high on the verbal sections of all standardized tests, extremely high scores in those areas. For example, a 35 on the verbal section of the ACT. I did the best I could with the kids. My teachers loved me.

 

[JennieK]

I just spoke with a neuropsychologist on the phone. He suggested another facility since I am an adult. He said he could offer help for the sensory and emotional issues, but no diagnosis.