Introvert/ADHD/PTSD brain with autistic features

[YogaAbba]

Hi,

For anyone who might have seen my Is This PTSD or Is This Autism post, I just wanted to share that in the past few days I've come to much greater clarity about this topic. I am now learning towards concluding that I do not have autism, but would welcome any comments.

As I came to identify with many of the autistic characteristics described in the various YouTubes that I linked to in my original post, it also occurred to me that many of these characteristics could be explained by my extreme introversion. I even found a theory according to which introversion is not the opposite of extroversion, but rather On The Autistic Spectrum.

So I found an excellent Comparison of Introversion and Autism by Carol Byrd. She compares seven different characteristics by which to differentiate introversion and autism. While I think I might have superficially had some of the mood-instability characteristics of autism before I was on medication for my PTSD, I don't think I ever had any of others. I relate much more to the introversion characteristics. A talk about the difference between Social Anxiety and Autism also makes it clear how much autism is about making the inputs of one's environment intelligible. While I definitely suffer from high sensitivity to stimuli (like, some sounds physically hurt), I don't think I have trouble making the outside world intelligible. I also don't have meltdowns and the kind of shutdowns that are characteristic of autism. (I do shutdown in the sense of just complete and utter exhaustion from situations that most people would find second-nature.)

What really confused me about all this is masking, because that does ring familiar. I've been watching what goes on in my head when I'm interacting with people, and have discovered something I hadn't been aware of until now. I have a sort of social-supervisor voice in my head that is constantly observing what I do in social situations and guiding me in what to do, especially when it comes to reciprocity (ok, he asked me about my weekend, now I am supposed to ask him about his, even though this is boring). I can actually do this reasonably well and naturally without spacing out, though it does tax the limited attention resources that I believe result from ADHD. That voice also causes a lot of anxiety from second-guessing about things I've said and done, even though I don't really get negative feedback from people (my wife corroborates this).

How did I get that supervisory voice? I don't think it's there because of an inability to make sense out of the world cognitively. I'm thinking it's there because the wildly chaotic environment in which I grew up gave me virtually no guidance or role models for normal social interaction. As I grew into an adult, I discovered what worked and didn't work (through many embarrassments and a good deal of pain) and built that into my social-supervisor. I think the social-supervisor is similar to masking and also exhausting.

What I cannot explain on the basis of my history are the struggles I have with inattentiveness, stray attention to noises and visual stimulation, and hyper-focus. These I think are ADHD. I have discovered the difference between default attention (when something is interesting and just draws your attention naturally) and directed attention (when you have to pay attention to something that bores you). I have a fairly limited supply of directed attention, and the social-supervisor uses up a lot of it. That too makes me feel very burned out.

So I'm thinking that I have a lot in common with high-functioning autism, but that the reasons for the commonality have different underlying causes.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for listening.
--YA

 

[GadAbout]

We don't do online diagnosis, and we equally don't do online differential diagnosis.

 

[Thinx]

I would say that something strongly defining of the difference in terms of communication norms, is the internal experience one has, but it's very hard to pick up internally, as it's an experience of not having something NTs have, however I think it would also be possible to define a communication norm that would suit us better, then we may not seem so introverted. So are you an NT introvert or an autistic introvert I wonder.

 

[Thinx]

We don't do online diagnosis, and we equally don't do online differential diagnosis.

Who is 'we' in this context?

 

[GadAbout]

Who is 'we' in this context?

Responsible forum participants, whether they are treatment or assessment professionals or people with autism.

We do seem to accept self-diagnosis. But when people ask for assessment, it's unwise to do that online. Too much data cannot be conveyed accurately via forum posts.

 

[Thinx]

Responsible forum participants, whether they are treatment or assessment professionals or people with autism.

We do seem to accept self-diagnosis. But when people ask for assessment, it's unwise to do that online. Too much data cannot be conveyed accurately via forum posts.

The OP asked if we had any thoughts, not for a diagnosis, so I am not sure of the relevance of your point. Still not sure either why you are representing others when you post?

 

[GadAbout]

The OP asked if we had any thoughts, not for a diagnosis, so I am not sure of the relevance of your point. Still not sure either why you are representing others when you post?

Many people do this. People frequently write "we're friendly here" or "nobody in this forum can diagnose you over the Internet."

Are we okay?

 

[YogaAbba]

Many people do this. People frequently write "we're friendly here" or "nobody in this forum can diagnose you over the Internet."

I think this is an important and reasonable point to make. All the videos I've seen have disclaimers about self-diagnosis. The problem with self-diagnosis is that if you get it wrong, you may not end up with the correct treatment, and that can lead to significant consequences. Even in consulting a professional, there is some concern in the field that overdiagnosis may be a concern. Here again, the stakes are high as far as making sure one is getting the correct treatment.

In my case, the issue of correct treatment comes down to whether decades of psychotherapy may not have been barking up the right tree because at least some of my symptoms might be the result of autism and/or ADHD. So what I'm really trying to figure out is whether I have enough of a reasonable judgment as to whether it's worth pursuing a professional assessment, which is a significant undertaking.

And, I will not make this decision without also consulting with the prescriber who raised this possibility in the first place. I just want to have enough information for background to the discussion.

Thank you all for your comments.
--YA