Invited to road trip

[Cinco]

Hi

Last weekend some guys I know (gonna go as far as to call them friends) invited me out to a bar.
I went to the bar with them, had a few beers and after a while they started talking about a road trip they were gonna take later this summer. They're gonna rent a cabin for a week or so in Denmark and one of the guys looked at me and told me I could come if I wanted to since they had space for one more and everyone else seemed to agree with him. At the time I just said yes and was happy to actually be invited to something like that, but since then I've just been thinking and thinking if I should go or not.
I came up with some "points" that I think might be a problem for me if I go and I'm trying to figure out a way to fix or work around these things.

• Since I'm one of the few that are going who have a drivers license they probably expect me to drive some of the way, I have really bad driving anxiety especially in cities and when there are other people in the car.
  
• I have to share living space with 10 other people for a week, which means I don't even get to sleep alone. I have really bad insomnia during the summer and I struggle to even get some sleep when I'm at home, in fact I just woke up from a 4 hour nap because I didn't sleep AT ALL last night. this is also due to allergies
  
• There is gonna be a lot of drinking and partying. Now I love to drink with my friends, but not as often as they usually do. When I get hunover I get just completelly... shut down. I usually just stay in my room for up to 3 days because I feel so bad both physically and mentally. My friends on the other hand can drink for days and doesn't seem to bother too much about being hungover, they also drink a lot compared to me.
  
• They're planning on going to amusement parks and clubs. Amusement parks wont be a big problem but I don't see myself taking any rides because I have problem with high g-force and speeds, no idea why I'm like that. When I was a kid I couldn't even use swingsets or other playground equipment because I would stop breathing and panic, my mom tok me to the doctor but they couldn't see why I was like this. I can't even fly commercial planes or ride fast cars now that I'm an adult without experiencing breathing problems and sometimes even passing out. The other is clubbing and drinking in public places, this pretty much speaks for itself.
  
• I'd be "stuck" there. I can't just go home once I've had enough or feel like not staying there anymore. Once I go there is no turning back and this is a feeling that really keeps me from going and sleeping other places than my home. I have such a connection to my home that I can barely stand the thought of being away from it, especially without any control over if I can go home when I want to. This is something I've started to notice this past year, how much of a control freak I really am, especially over my own things and time.

I honestly don't think I can endure a trip like this and it REALLY bothers me.
I want to go with them and have a great time and gather some amazing memories but I feel like it's just gonna be too much of a burden on me and I don't wanna be a downer or a liability to them by asking them to adjust their behaviours and plans just to suit my needs.
I really need help with this

Thank you

 

[Joel's Hear]

I played football in high school (one of the few NT things I halfway fit into) and I can say that, though there were some really pretty decent guys on the team, in some situations similar to the one you speak of I noticed the group mentality of a well-planned trip could often be really world, unacceptable of different types of needs, and very nerve wracking. The spontaneity of your drinking trip the other night probably is half of why you had fun; they liked you and saw you better because there were no high expectations of the night. I know it feels really good to get an invitation by a group of Neurotypicals whom you respect, but the guys might not be as relaxed and therefore able to see you and be your friend on this trip.

 

[clg114]

If I was in that situation, I would not go and I am not bothered a lot of the things that you are. If you did go, you would not have a very good time and your friends probably would not be friends anymore.

 

[Gritches]

Honestly, from what you describe about yourself and the nature of the trip, I don't think the trip is compatible with you. Is the payoff really worth it to try to endure all that for a week straight?

IMO, go go Gadget excuse.

 

[Mike Stouffer]

Hi

Last weekend some guys I know (gonna go as far as to call them friends) invited me out to a bar.
I went to the bar with them, had a few beers and after a while they started talking about a road trip they were gonna take later this summer. They're gonna rent a cabin for a week or so in Denmark and one of the guys looked at me and told me I could come if I wanted to since they had space for one more and everyone else seemed to agree with him. At the time I just said yes and was happy to actually be invited to something like that, but since then I've just been thinking and thinking if I should go or not.
I came up with some "points" that I think might be a problem for me if I go and I'm trying to figure out a way to fix or work around these things.

• Since I'm one of the few that are going who have a drivers license they probably expect me to drive some of the way, I have really bad driving anxiety especially in cities and when there are other people in the car.
  
• I have to share living space with 10 other people for a week, which means I don't even get to sleep alone. I have really bad insomnia during the summer and I struggle to even get some sleep when I'm at home, in fact I just woke up from a 4 hour nap because I didn't sleep AT ALL last night. this is also due to allergies
  
• There is gonna be a lot of drinking and partying. Now I love to drink with my friends, but not as often as they usually do. When I get hunover I get just completelly... shut down. I usually just stay in my room for up to 3 days because I feel so bad both physically and mentally. My friends on the other hand can drink for days and doesn't seem to bother too much about being hungover, they also drink a lot compared to me.
  
• They're planning on going to amusement parks and clubs. Amusement parks wont be a big problem but I don't see myself taking any rides because I have problem with high g-force and speeds, no idea why I'm like that. When I was a kid I couldn't even use swingsets or other playground equipment because I would stop breathing and panic, my mom tok me to the doctor but they couldn't see why I was like this. I can't even fly commercial planes or ride fast cars now that I'm an adult without experiencing breathing problems and sometimes even passing out. The other is clubbing and drinking in public places, this pretty much speaks for itself.
  
• I'd be "stuck" there. I can't just go home once I've had enough or feel like not staying there anymore. Once I go there is no turning back and this is a feeling that really keeps me from going and sleeping other places than my home. I have such a connection to my home that I can barely stand the thought of being away from it, especially without any control over if I can go home when I want to. This is something I've started to notice this past year, how much of a control freak I really am, especially over my own things and time.

I honestly don't think I can endure a trip like this and it REALLY bothers me.
I want to go with them and have a great time and gather some amazing memories but I feel like it's just gonna be too much of a burden on me and I don't wanna be a downer or a liability to them by asking them to adjust their behaviours and plans just to suit my needs.
I really need help with this

Thank you

Those situations are overwhelming. I get you all the way. It's cool to deal with on a smaller scale, it's just too overwhelming. Recognizing these things are important. Do things on a smaller scale maybe, with the ones that matter. They'll get it. It's nothing personal. Thanks for sharing.

 

[The Penguin]

That would be too much for me. I have to do my nature trips alone. You don't need to be someone taxi driver.

 

[Mia]

Hummm you could possibly do this solo, that is find a room nearby and rent for the time you'll be there. Or another cabin of your own. You could meet them there making your own way by train or bus, and limit the time you spend with them.

Having your own accommodations would free you up if you can afford it. You could bring a bike or rent one to travel while you're there, or a small car. That way you can write your own agenda, when you've had enough you get to go back to your own place. Keeping it somewhat independent will give you some choices, while at the same time, doing things with the group.

 

[Keigan]

A trip like that is something you do with people you know, not just met. Take care of your needs first.

 

[Judge]

A trip like that is something you do with people you know, not just met. Take care of your needs first.

That's what I was wondering about. I mean, how well does he know these people? I'd have to know and trust such folks very well to consider a venture like this.

Though considering how many points the OP has made for not going, I'm guessing that's already a foregone conclusion. That it's just a matter of how he chooses to tell the others that he's opting out.

 

[Questella]

There's no way for you to go separately? Like just meet up there and say you have something else going on so you can only stay a day or a couple days? Ten days seems like it just might be too much especially for a first trip with the group... How far away is it?

 

[Cinco]

That's what I was wondering about. I mean, how well does he know these people? I'd have to know and trust such folks very well to consider a venture like this.

Though considering how many points the OP has made for not going, I'm guessing that's already a foregone conclusion. That it's just a matter of how he chooses to tell the others that he's opting out.

I know most of them pretty well since I went to elementary and middle school with them.
It seems after school everyone just stopped seeing eachother but once we became adults they started becomming friends again.
It's not like I see them everyday of course, actualyl I see them very rarely but sometimes we talk over the internet

also, thanks everyone for all the replies

 

[Judge]

To put it another way, when I was 17 I made a promise to myself. Never to allow anyone to put me on the spot if it involves something against my own will which I truly have a choice over.

That said, from your initial post it doesn't sound as if you really have any intention to go through with this trip. You've convinced us, so I suppose the only question left is whether or not you've convinced yourself.

On occasion it can sometimes be beneficial to "push" yourself socially. As long as it of course doesn't amount to putting yourself through social agony. Ultimately only you can decide where to draw such a line.

 

[savi83]

I could never go on that type of trip, "the lads holiday". I'd be OK. for a short while but I would start to drift away from the group.

They generally have different needs than I have, which means that I'd be out voted quite a lot. I'm not much of a drinker, couldn't do a few nights out in a row or late nights, and could definitely see myself becoming their driver.

 

[Grandmother B]

Hi

Last weekend some guys I know (gonna go as far as to call them friends) invited me out to a bar.
I went to the bar with them, had a few beers and after a while they started talking about a road trip they were gonna take later this summer. They're gonna rent a cabin for a week or so in Denmark and one of the guys looked at me and told me I could come if I wanted to since they had space for one more and everyone else seemed to agree with him. At the time I just said yes and was happy to actually be invited to something like that, but since then I've just been thinking and thinking if I should go or not.
I came up with some "points" that I think might be a problem for me if I go and I'm trying to figure out a way to fix or work around these things.

• Since I'm one of the few that are going who have a drivers license they probably expect me to drive some of the way, I have really bad driving anxiety especially in cities and when there are other people in the car.
  
• I have to share living space with 10 other people for a week, which means I don't even get to sleep alone. I have really bad insomnia during the summer and I struggle to even get some sleep when I'm at home, in fact I just woke up from a 4 hour nap because I didn't sleep AT ALL last night. this is also due to allergies
  
• There is gonna be a lot of drinking and partying. Now I love to drink with my friends, but not as often as they usually do. When I get hunover I get just completelly... shut down. I usually just stay in my room for up to 3 days because I feel so bad both physically and mentally. My friends on the other hand can drink for days and doesn't seem to bother too much about being hungover, they also drink a lot compared to me.
  
• They're planning on going to amusement parks and clubs. Amusement parks wont be a big problem but I don't see myself taking any rides because I have problem with high g-force and speeds, no idea why I'm like that. When I was a kid I couldn't even use swingsets or other playground equipment because I would stop breathing and panic, my mom tok me to the doctor but they couldn't see why I was like this. I can't even fly commercial planes or ride fast cars now that I'm an adult without experiencing breathing problems and sometimes even passing out. The other is clubbing and drinking in public places, this pretty much speaks for itself.
  
• I'd be "stuck" there. I can't just go home once I've had enough or feel like not staying there anymore. Once I go there is no turning back and this is a feeling that really keeps me from going and sleeping other places than my home. I have such a connection to my home that I can barely stand the thought of being away from it, especially without any control over if I can go home when I want to. This is something I've started to notice this past year, how much of a control freak I really am, especially over my own things and time.

I honestly don't think I can endure a trip like this and it REALLY bothers me.
I want to go with them and have a great time and gather some amazing memories but I feel like it's just gonna be too much of a burden on me and I don't wanna be a downer or a liability to them by asking them to adjust their behaviours and plans just to suit my needs.
I really need help with this

Thank you

If you are uncomfortable going, and they are really your friends, just tell them the truth. And if they have a problem with that, they are not really friends.

 

[Cinco]

I've decided that I'm just gonna drop the whole thing, even though this is something I would like to be "able to enjoy" I just can't.

Thanks for all the answers, everyone