Irish Aspie Musician with Aspie kids

[Learner]

Hi there. I'm a 44 yo musician in Ireland. I am married to a wonderful & tolerant lady who has put up with my **** for 22 years. I have 4 sons who show varying degrees of Aspie/Autie traits. I would love to find ways to improve on my relationship and see what success any1 has had in controlling or changing their special interests.

looking forward to meeting y'all,

RamaB

 

[ancusmitis]

Hello from across the pond! Welcome to the forums

 

[Cosmophylla]

Hi, and welcome! I'm new here, too.

I have two kids, one old enough to be showing Aspie traits and causing me all kinds of coping problems! I find my obsessions tend to wax and wane over time. Some are short lived while others are lifelong. Recently I've really tried to tone things down because our house is so small and overcrowded with people and books and piles of stuff, lists, toys, boxes of things that have no home,etc. when I look around and feel overwhelmed with all the crap, it's enough to push me to change my obsessions, hehe!

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome,
I think there is much to learn.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Hi & Welcome,
I think there is much to learn.

Right on! What else is there to do with life but keep on trying?

 

[Progster]

Hi, and welcome to the forum

 

[Elemental]

Hi there New Folk, Welcome to Site Aspie-Central!

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard
I hope you enjoy the site

 

[Learner]

Fáilte go dtí an áit, agus féadfaidh an ghaoth a bheith i gcónaí ag do chúl

I had to put that in, my Father said it often. Welcome RamaB.

ha ha. Your Irish is better than mine recognise "welcome to the place" then something about residence?

 

[Learner]

thankyou all for ur welcomez.

 

[Learner]

Many Irish who emigrated to various places in the world, kept the language and taught it to their children. So it lives on in other places outside of Ireland. The rest of it is; 'May the wind be always at your back' Which I'm certain you've heard more than once.

excellent. Have heard that. i gconaí is living. Must be "may the wind live at your back". As a keen cyclist I much appreciate the sentiment

 

[Naturalist]

Welcome, what is your musical specialty? I play violin / fiddle. Whatever genre echoes my mood.

It is hard to control / change special interests, I used to be at the mercy of whatever surfaced but I recently realized that I cycle between a handful of interests that I've had in some form since childhood and I learned that if I can invest devote at least a few days every month to each of these interests (art, writing, archaeology, etc.) and time each day reading about or practicing each of them, I am a happier person. You have to put it in a schedule and post the schedule, until it becomes your routine and the others in your house know your routine. I set timers. Sometimes I override the timers if I am in the middle of something really great and want to finish, but I still don't allow myself an infinite amount of time to do so, and don't do it if it compromises a promise I made to my husband or son. After a time you get to know how much time you really need to allow for each activity, and you don't feel so prepossessed by any of them because you know you will have time for them again tomorrow, as well as longer activity days later in the month (especially good if you plan it so you have the house to yourself!).

 

[Learner]

Thanx for the welcome
I play bass, double bass, cello, guitar, mandolin, bazouki, drums, piano and sing. Whatever genre I'm paid to particularly love really heavy stuff but enjoy playing anything from orchestral to punk.

Thanks for the special interest tips. Have you ever had a special interest that was just not possible / practical to indulge that you wanted to be free from? Do you know of anyone who has managed to get rid of or modify / divert a special interest?

 

[Cosmophylla]

Thanks for the special interest tips. Have you ever had a special interest that was just not possible / practical to indulge that you wanted to be free from? Do you know of anyone who has managed to get rid of or modify / divert a special interest?

I find that I can distract myself from "unhealthy" obsessions (unhealthy as in time wasting, unproductive) with a good home improvement or gardening project. Something physical that means I don't have the time to sit down and obsess. Once I get into it I find my mind stops drifting toward the obsession, too. I've found that the project needs to inspire me in some way, or I just continue thinking about what I would rather do and become frustrated with everyone. So if there is something you have been putting off doing (despite wanting to), pick up that project when you have an obsession you want to move on from.

 

[Learner]

I find that I can distract myself from "unhealthy" obsessions (unhealthy as in time wasting, unproductive) with a good home improvement or gardening project. Something physical that means I don't have the time to sit down and obsess.

I do this with martial arts training and music practice but with VERY limited success
At least I'm getting better at something tho

 

[Naturalist]

Thanx for the welcome
I play bass, double bass, cello, guitar, mandolin, bazouki, drums, piano and sing. Whatever genre I'm paid to particularly love really heavy stuff but enjoy playing anything from orchestral to punk.

Wow, that is an impressive list... I am humbled! Just reading "This is Your Brain on Music," by Daniel Levitin, really enjoying all the diverse examples and genres he uses in his study of the neuroscience behind music. It might resonate with you. My son and I are trying to learn cello together.

Thanks for the special interest tips. Have you ever had a special interest that was just not possible / practical to indulge that you wanted to be free from? Do you know of anyone who has managed to get rid of or modify / divert a special interest?

I have indeed had lots of interests over the years that I couldn't pursue for various reasons, and that were ultimately quite oppressive to me. One thing that allowed me to let go of these obsessions in recent years was that my son was born, and I no longer had much energy to devote to anything I loved, for better or worse. Another was that I found a mentor (my current boss) who helped me to understand the common denominator in my interests--in other words, I would become obsessed with something and feel compelled to know all about it, when all the while I was just dancing around the core reason I was really interested. Once I could identify the root of my interests, it was easier to let go of some in favor of others that were healthier / more practical or productive. For example, I have interests in art and music, archaeology and forensics, natural history, and human history. The core elements are patterns (particularly tangible patterns) and observation. Also at times I get obsessed with my clothes, an "interest" which isn't healthy because it dredges up all manner of anxiety which is based on the fact that people have always teased me or criticized me on account of my style blunders. So when I get anxious about what I am wearing (or what I "should" wear), I find myself obsessively searching among the people I encounter, trying to find the patterns to what is "acceptable" or "attractive" and what is not. Finding patterns is a comforting activity for me normally, but in this context I would feel annoyed by my own wardrobe if it didn't fit the pattern, and more annoyed with myself for making "bad" choices and for not being able to afford to go out and replace things, or for feeling hopelessly uncomfortable in the clothes people said looked good on me. When my mentor pointed out to me that all my interests share this pattern-craving, I realized that when I felt gripped by an unproductive obsession I could instead choose to spend my time with one of the more productive manifestations of this interest, and sooner or later my brain would find it was satisfied with the substitute, because the core activity it was craving--the study of patterns--was present in this activity too.

I hope that makes sense. You might need to list out all your interests--"positive" and "negative" for lack of better adjectives"--and get a trusted friend or counselor to help you find what is common to all of them.