Yet if I'm in an interaction where I'm the one in control, it's nowhere near as stressful.
In an incredibly weird way, that's probably my problem. When I get a bad case, I
know what I'm doing. I'm used to standing my ground, proving my point, and I have no issues dismissing them if they're too obtuse or narrow-minded to help me look for common ground or good communication. I'm basically in control of bad situations, or at least, highly experienced with them and there aren't any unknowns to contend with. But happy people? I'm not used to happy people. They're just so relaxed and happy! What are they up to...? Is it possible somebody could actually be satisfied and not want to be a butt?
When I had my business I took care to respect and treat every client as a person, I didn't just act like a robot like you see many in the public services do.. this meant that I was investing honesty, feeling and effort into these people, possibly why I had so much repeat custom.
I think it meant also that I felt great responsibility for them while they were within my remit, so I would be concerned later that I'd done a good job and they were happy.. I say 'later' because that meant I wasn't 'letting it go' when they'd gone, I was continuing to check my work in my mind, carrying more and more concern/anxiety around with me as the years went on.. that didn't end well for me.
What you describe, Ashe, sounds very much like my 'Honest Aspie' approach to my job.. do you think about how they consider your work after they're gone, or do you let it go till you see them next?
That's back to the irrational thing. They made it clear they liked my work, praise me to my bosses either in earshot or privately, and I'm averaging almost a hug a day (especially from little old ladies). I don't like being touched, but I can deal with Thank You hugs, those have never made me jittery.
There's definitely that distant mask every professional has to wear, but in a small business like mine I can get away with a lot of friendliness that would get you in trouble at a corporation. I should know, I worked for one once, and got in trouble for being friendly with the only person in the waiting room so he wouldn't be bored out of his head while waiting his turn. You get to be a human at little places and not a robot.
My business making me this way. Many people I meet keep giving me things to help my business. For this business competition, people impress how well I speak. Behind the screen I'm a nervous wreck. So much pressure to put social anxiety behind me.
Heheh, been there! It takes a lot of mental resources to perform. I've got a big reserve, but by the end of the day, my Aspie Battery is depleted and needs recharging.
Yes, when I go to church...several people there know about the AS as well as other details about my background. They're kind and accepting overall. And yet, I feel horrible when I'm there. I shut down, can barely think, don't want to talk with anyone, and it takes hours afterwards to recover. It's ridiculous. You'd think that the people who are the most open with me would be the ones I would most enjoy being with, but I always feel like such a failure and a weirdo when I'm with them. I think, in my case, it has more to do with group dynamics than pure social anxiety, though...the social anxiety is an offshoot of my decreasing ability to connect with people and relax in a large group setting, especially around people who I'm able to talk with alright when we're one-on-one or meeting in a small group. I think I'm afraid they'll think I don't like them, when really I just feel overwhelmed with the whole, big-group thing.
Aye, quite overwhelming. I don't know how it is inside most people's heads, but I have to actively bring to mind what they've said on top of the cross-analyzing to their speech, tone, body positions, and everything else if I'm to even attempt at being appropriately caring and friendly. Too many processes for my CPU to keep up with. If they're lax enough with you in small groups, hopefully they'd be understanding if you said simply "groups are overwhelming" or something. Some folks in my last church were surprisingly accepting of some of my quirks! I've seen some church goers get defensive over some of their members with trouble like that and try to help keep them out of stress's way, so perhaps the ones at your church could be the same way?
When things go good for me in general, I get anxious because it feels too good and always ends up me hitting rock bottom and so, when things are not going good, I relax because I am expecting them that way.
I guess it is called having a very negative personality, but whoa, I hardly cause things to go wrong and so, it is pretty hard to not maintain that fear.
Oh and due to year's of having to put up with shoes that are too big for me; I have small feet, I often tripped and it set a fear when I moved to a country, where I rarely walk because my husband drives us every where and so, I became so unsteady that it was ridiculous and when I get a bit of confidence, guess what? I trip over! My husband says that I am the only person he knows, who finds pot holes or dips in the ground
We often called it "waiting for the other shoe to drop" when things felt like they'd been too good for too long. It's not pessimistic, it's realistic!
Just tell your husband it takes great talent to trip over flat surfaces. Or that the floor hates you. It cheers me up to poke fun at myself a bit anyway.
AsheSkyler , I'm wondering if your anxiety really is "irrational" or not. Maybe you feel like your successes have raised expectations both for yourself and others towards you? I don't know, just a thought, and I could be totally wrong, but I think if I were in your situation that would be the most likely cause.
Always a possibility. There are plenty of threads here dealing with the frustrations of people expecting a lot out of us and going on about our sub-par social skills. To actually be praised could easily mean they'd be that much stricter in the future towards socializing since "if you did it before you can do it again" without regard to any resources expended or available. I've certainly had my fair share of lecturs on "attitude".
I've come to the conclusion fear doesn't exist. I used to get extremely nervous when needing to do a speech in front 30+ people but then I decided fear isn't a physical object so therefore it doesn't exist
I used to be afraid of talking to new people but once someone starts talking to me I can keep a conversation going quite easily. Its taken many years of practice to get to that stage but anxiety can be controlled by taking a deep breath and remembering you know you can do it and you don't need to pressure yourself
Speeches are a whole other beast. I don't do speeches. At least, not in college. The teacher always wanted pesky inflammatory subjects and you were NOT allowed to take an informative/passive stance on the matter, and then you were required to stand there until everybody had their say why you were wrong no matter which side you pick. Office meetings I can do, we had one and I flourished. Because we were brainstorming, not arguing over the right way to put in a train station or whatever.
