Is a difficult bedtime common?

[inlalaland]

Hi again everyone!

You all have been SO helpful to me and I am beyond thankful for so much wonderful information.

I am still learning this website. For example, I had no idea what the react icons meant and I just saw some in my notifications so if I reacted to anyone's reply with something that didn't make sense, I'm sorry!

I was now wondering if anyone can share anything at all that you have to share about bedtime. For anyone who needs the reminder (I don't expect people to remember) my son is 4 and is high functioning. Bedtime is tough every day. We have a routine but when it comes time to turn out the light he will goof around for a long time until he falls asleep. He refuses to sleep if he is awake and you leave the room. He wants us to lay with him until he falls asleep. This has been a forever thing for him. He will also yell if I do bedtime with him because he wants my husband to do it. I will try here and there but I end up leaving and my husband does it.
Once he is asleep, without fail, he wakes up at some point during the night and yells for my husband until my husband goes in with him.
Any tips to make bedtime smoother, to ease out of the staying in the room until he falls asleep thing or helping him stay asleep once he is asleep would be super appreciated. Thanks in advance!

 

[tree]

What is the bedtime routine?

Does it include bedtime story/stories?

How long does it take for him to fall asleep?

 

[jsilver256]

My ASD2 son had extreme difficulty with falling asleep and staying asleep, since he was a baby. We solved it by giving him 1mg melatonin 1 hour before sleep (under pediatrician's advice). I just don't feel fatigue until I'm ready to pass out and I don't think he does either.

 

[inlalaland]

What is the bedtime routine?

Does it include bedtime story/stories?

How long does it take for him to fall asleep?

It is usually brush teeth, read a book or two, 3-5 min of Google maps or flight radar and then sleep. Husband says it works 80% of the time but then it takes him usually 30-40 minutes. I just looked on Google because I hadn't and I see it says 20-30 min for preschoolers so I guess he isn't too far off.
He is closer to 5, he'll be 5 this month. So I'm not sure if it is different for 5 year olds.

 

[Rodafina]

I have always taken a long time to fall asleep and continue to have difficulty staying asleep through the night. At some point, I think getting through the night like this needs to involve learning to self soothe.

Does your son have a cozy and comfortable bedroom? Any nice nightlight? Does he sleep with stuffies he loves? Is there a fan in the room? I used to spend time in the night looking at stickers on my headboard and slept with my father’s soft soft tee shirt. Always had stuffies close by, too. Somehow, I learned to tell myself stories in the night and someone taught me to replay the day step by step in my head.

If a 4 year old wakes in the night, it makes sense that they might call for a parent. But, maybe he can learn to self soothe in the night and put himself back to sleep.

 

[Outdated]

I was now wondering if anyone can share anything at all that you have to share about bedtime.

My mother told me similar stories about me from when I was little. She said out of desperation one night she even tried giving me a shot of Brandy to knock me out. She said that just livened me up and made me worse.

Once I started reading it was completely different and I remember reading myself to sleep every night as a kid. After that I always slept extremely well, I usually fell asleep fairly quickly and slept for 8 or 9 hours straight every night.

That lasted for 50 years until a doctor prescribed me SSRIs, 50 years of good sleep routine completely destroyed and 4 years later I still haven't recovered. I still fall asleep almost straight away but now I only sleep for 3 or 4 hours. Do not let doctors prescribe him psychotropic drugs without getting him tested for his compatibility first:
www.genesight.com

A simple cheek swab can save him from so much trauma.

 

[inlalaland]

I have always taken a long time to fall asleep and continue to have difficulty staying asleep through the night. At some point, I think getting through the night like this needs to involve learning to self soothe.

Does your son have a cozy and comfortable bedroom? Any nice nightlight? Does he sleep with stuffies he loves? Is there a fan in the room? I used to spend time in the night looking at stickers on my headboard and slept with my father’s soft soft tee shirt. Always had stuffies close by, too. Somehow, I learned to tell myself stories in the night and someone taught me to replay the day step by step in my head.

If a 4 year old wakes in the night, it makes sense that they might call for a parent. But, maybe he can learn to self soothe in the night and put himself back to sleep.

Thank you.
I just wanted to say I think his room is pretty cozy. He likes a couple stuffies, he just makes sure they're on his bed at night. He has a cool projecting light that changes colors and plays different sounds and he likes the one that sounds like rain to fall asleep to. He has a ceiling fan, he has been using it every night for most of the summer after previously being very opposed to it.
That's a good idea to replay the day, I may have to tell him to try that.
Thank you again.

 

[inlalaland]

My mother told me similar stories about me from when I was little. She said out of desperation one night she even tried giving me a shot of Brandy to knock me out. She said that just livened me up and made me worse.

Once I started reading it was completely different and I remember reading myself to sleep every night as a kid. After that I always slept extremely well, I usually fell asleep fairly quickly and slept for 8 or 9 hours straight every night.

That lasted for 50 years until a doctor prescribed me SSRIs, 50 years of good sleep routine completely destroyed and 4 years later I still haven't recovered. I still fall asleep almost straight away but now I only sleep for 3 or 4 hours. Do not let doctors prescribe him psychotropic drugs without getting him tested for his compatibility first:
www.genesight.com

A simple cheek swab can save him from so much trauma.

Thank you! We have been getting him back into his books. He used to be into them but he lost interest. He has been reading since he was 3. Definitely keeping that one in my head for reference if the trouble sleeping carries on for long.

 

[Outdated]

We have been getting him back into his books. He used to be into them but he lost interest. He has been reading since he was 3.

Just a suggestion with the books - every kid is different of course but educators grossly underestimate autistic kids. Little kid's books with large text and pictures never interested me at all. I never liked comic books either, I found Asterix and Obelix amusing but that wasn't the sort of thing that held my attention for long.

I liked novels from age 5 onwards. You could try him on some Enid Blyton books, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Secret Seven, The Famous Five, etc. He'd need a bit of help and encouragement at first but if he likes it that could be good for him. I finished all of them before I finished Grade 2 and started on mainstream novels.

 

[Shevek]

For me, bedtime was strictly non-negotiable. Without it being imposed, I was soon sleeping only three or four times a week. I was long retired before I could appreciate and restore a circadian rhythm. A bit of flexibility might have helped me learn self-regulation, but too much would not have been good either. On a related note, having to stop and clean up because of a clock, rather than getting to a good place to pause, left me hating to tidy up. Eventually, I learned to tidy when I finish a phase of work.

 

[inlalaland]

For me, bedtime was strictly non-negotiable. Without it being imposed, I was soon sleeping only three or four times a week. I was long retired before I could appreciate and restore a circadian rhythm. A bit of flexibility might have helped me learn self-regulation, but too much would not have been good either. On a related note, having to stop and clean up because of a clock, rather than getting to a good place to pause, left me hating to tidy up. Eventually, I learned to tidy when I finish a phase of work.

Thank you for sharing that. I definitely see that same thing in my son about the clock. He will not stop in the middle of something to do anything. He will even hold it if he needs to use the bathroom despite us telling him over and over again that whatever he is doing will be there when he is finished.

 

[inlalaland]

Just a suggestion with the books - every kid is different of course but educators grossly underestimate autistic kids. Little kid's books with large text and pictures never interested me at all. I never liked comic books either, I found Asterix and Obelix amusing but that wasn't the sort of thing that held my attention for long.

I liked novels from age 5 onwards. You could try him on some Enid Blyton books, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Secret Seven, The Famous Five, etc. He'd need a bit of help and encouragement at first but if he likes it that could be good for him. I finished all of them before I finished Grade 2 and started on mainstream novels.

Thank you, I am going to check them out.
That is interesting about the books. He definitely has had a few favorites over the years and would never stray too far from them. He has probably never read 3/4 of the books on his book shelf.

 

[Shevek]

Thank you for sharing that. I definitely see that same thing in my son about the clock. He will not stop in the middle of something to do anything. He will even hold it if he needs to use the bathroom despite us telling him over and over again that whatever he is doing will be there when he is finished.

Have you ever walked into a room and forgotten why you went there? Passing a doorway produces a flood of new options, interrupting your train of thought. The same job is waiting for your son when he gets back, but he can never recover the mental model of it he was using. Scott Adams pointed out that when the head of an engineering department decides to call a quick meeting, each engineer loses hours of work. One reason I slept so infrequently (but not inadequately - I'd go 15 hours easy) was economic. If I slept, I'd come back with more ideas about how to build my project better, and go farther over estimate.