Is it normal that I attract rude people while everyone else seems to ignore me?

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

I haven’t had a conversation in nearly a week and there’s a lot of things on my mind, but they’re way too controversial for me to discuss in public, so I guess I’ll just have to leave it be.

However, it seems that whenever I have a problem, I tend to get far more negative attention compared to positive. It just seems like specific kinds of people can laugh at and mock your problems whenever they want to while every other nice person seems to ignore you. Even if a problem sounds completely mundane to the majority, it’s still an issue for me.

I also find it hypocritical when these people expect you to obey their standards but even when you walk on eggshells around them and try to do “their job”, they throw a fit and you get all the blame. I once tried explaining to them how what I and the others are doing is still following the same expectation, but they lost it and told me “yeah but you’re not allowed to do what we do, that’s OUR job, it’s not the same!”. (insert rage tears here)

It makes me sick how they want me to obey their orders meanwhile I get mocked and ridiculed when I tell them to just listen. “Is that a problem for you?! Does that hurt your feelings?!” they’ll tell me. Meanwhile they’ll go “listen to me! Woe is me! I have REAL problems unlike you!”.

Ugh, some people (especially those that love all the attention they take away from those who are struggling) are just plain rude. Anyway, has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I get the sense that many of us tend to unwittingly allow these people into our lives. Not just your post, but I've seen plenty of other threads and posts on this sort of topic on the forums.

I am thinking it may have to do with our "mind-blindness" and perhaps our deficits in picking up on all the subtle nuanced behaviors that might tip us off that "this person is a person to avoid". We tend to be, at least initially, accepting of others. This is when we can get ourselves into a compromised situation with narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and generally, people with manipulative, gaslighting, and toxic behaviors.

As much as we often are seeking companionship with others, we still need to be on high alert for these toxic individuals and be very quick to kick them to the curb. No sense in having these individuals exert control over us in ways that create emotional distress.

 

[Dagan]

I believe that it is directly related to how we are mostly not the ones to start conversations. We speak when spoken to...mostly. I think it's a big part of how this happens to many of us. That whole "oh, wow, someone actually wants to talk to me," and then it turns out that it's exactly the kind of people that no one really wanted to talk to, and here we are being nice, receptive and stuck in their form of kindness bombing / info dumping all-in-one. Oops.

 

[paloftoon]

There's rude people everywhere, but if that is all you attract, maybe those people feel they can take advantage of you.
A way out of this is try to learn more stuff so that you can be aware of how to interpret conversations and situations around you more. Not an easy task but this is what would minimize this kind of negative attention.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

There's rude people everywhere, but if that is all you attract, maybe those people feel they can take advantage of you.
A way out of this is try to learn more stuff so that you can be aware of how to interpret conversations and situations around you more. Not an easy task but this is what would minimize this kind of negative attention.

Would being firm to your words help?

 

[paloftoon]

Would being firm to your words help?

I think that is accurate, yes.
People can generally sense confidence and people who can stand up for themselves.

People that are distracting you and not helping you with a task that you need to do, especially if it's a professional setting, need to be "put in their place."
Immediately redirect the person/people to leave the space you're in if they are mocking you, make note of it, and if you need multiple people for help, ask for others that will help.
Document when you get a chance after you're done with your tasks if you're in a professional setting and if you have a boss and/or an HR department to express your concerns too.

People who mock you just because they can can't be your friends. Keep it professional and keep your distance as much as possible. That is a general rule I follow.

 

[paloftoon]

Sometimes, if it's hard to come up with what to say, but you know that the person needs to be out of your space because they are distracting you, and not helping you, the easiest thing to do is repeat yourself.

Simply keep demanding the person leave your space and stop bothering you immediately if they are purposely being mean to you. Demand assertively and calmly first several times as much as you can. If they don't listen, keep raising your voice. If people question you, you can say that so and so is preventing me from doing said task and you asked them to leave and they wouldn't and are in the way. If you are not being supported, then you can ask them to do said task and leave the premises or go to a different space asap.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

Sometimes, if it's hard to come up with what to say, but you know that the person needs to be out of your space because they are distracting you, and not helping you, the easiest thing to do is repeat yourself.

Simply keep demanding the person leave your space and stop bothering you immediately if they are purposely being mean to you. Demand assertively and calmly first several times as much as you can. If they don't listen, keep raising your voice. If people question you, you can say that so and so is preventing me from doing said task and you asked them to leave and they wouldn't and are in the way. If you are not being supported, then you can ask them to do said task and leave the premises or go to a different space asap.

What about people you’re unable to ignore but will not stop no matter how many times you tell them, say someone who’s in charge and wants the last word in?

 

[paloftoon]

What about people you’re unable to ignore but will not stop no matter how many times you tell them, say someone who’s in charge and wants the last word in?

If you aren't being paid to do it, put the task on them, let them "win", and leave the premises or that space immediately, or you just stand your ground and literally repeat yourself 100+ times if you have to.

If you are being paid to do it, and you've tried to stand your ground, say 10 times you've said leave and they won't leave, then you leave and call your boss or HR to get involved. Let them know you tried to diffuse the situation for yourself first and it didn't work out.