The Oxford English Dictionary describes a “hassle” as an “irritating inconvenience”.
I’m not sure I’d quite describe the process of friend-making that way, but I think we can agree that the process can be highly unpredictable, and can involve a lot of work.
Proximity and regular interactions with someone makes us like them more (and vice versa), and this is why classmates and coworkers are often peer groups where friendships may find more fertile grounds for development.
Social groups also help with familiarity, but given you’re not seeing the same people day after day, it can take a lot longer become familiar with someone to the point where you may consider each other acquaintances. Even then, it still takes someone to take the initiative to reach out to make a connection and potentially turn a connection into friendship.
While I don’t have many friends, most of the ones I have, I made as a result of me reaching out to someone. That includes friends I’ve made in this community. Usually it was because of a post they made that I wanted to follow-up on.
I understand with virtual discussion groups, whether video or chat based, it can be more difficult to make connections, especially if the members who attend tend to vary a lot, and the conversation may flow between many topics.
For those of us with anxiety (which likely encompasses the majority of those on the spectrum), reaching out and the risk of being ghosted or rejected can be difficult, especially if we have been spurned before. I’ve had a number of people here ghost me after I’ve reached out in friendship. It happens. It can sting. But if you genuinely sense there’s a potential connection with someone, I would always say to dare to be brave to reach out and say hi. If you don’t ask, you won’t know. For all you know, they might have been interested in reaching out to you but were too shy/anxious themselves to do so.
And because you don’t know if and when a connection might develop into a friendship (or perhaps a close acquaintanceship), don’t forget to reward yourself for your efforts, efforts which will pay off. And stay true to yourself – if someone is a genuine friend, they’ll like you for who you are, just the way you are.
