Is my behavior in groups weird?

[Amethystgirl]

I've currently started going to online asperger groups and in those groups I really don't know what to say to people. I had a similar issue tonight when I was at my friend's place and he had these other closer friends in her house and when I didn't say much one of his friends asked me if I was OK. (I could wrong but maybe there was a different reason why she asked me if I was OK. The point is I don't feel comfortable in groups when I feel embarrassed and I'm quiet and it's ironic because in real life I'm often loud but when I'm quiet I stick out in a crowd. I feel I can't win.

 

[Xinyta]

I really can't say it's weird. I'm in general a very quiet person myself. It doesn't matter if it's in person, voice chat, video call, etc. Unless it's specific topics with certain friends. I've always had a kind of aversion to people due to my less than great upbringing by my parents.

Though some of this is probably because I gave up trying really.

 

[kenaij]

I often don`t know what to say either. Be it in groups virtual and RL, or just one on one. I can really like a person and still have nothing to say to them. This morning someone from work asked me how my weekend was. All I say is 'Good, yours?" After that the whole 500 meter walk was silent. Trying to think of something to say that also sounds like I want to hear the answer. But more often than not, I cannot think of anything I would like to know or say.

 

[Rodafina]

when I didn't say much one of his friends asked me if I was OK

I've had this happen to me so many times. It's so uncomfortable when people do this.

@Amethystgirl, you seem a bit preoccupied with feeling weird. What you described in the first post is not weird at all. It makes perfect sense to me and I feel comfortable guessing that many others here would not find it weird either. Is there anything you can do to allay your fears of being weird? What seems weird to others may be normal for you and that is okay.

 

[Wolfnox]

I’d do this.
Hello customer service how may I help you?
Always breaks the ice.

 

[vergil96]

I've currently started going to online asperger groups and in those groups I really don't know what to say to people. I had a similar issue tonight when I was at my friend's place and he had these other closer friends in her house and when I didn't say much one of his friends asked me if I was OK.

I don't know what to say more often than not. I have a set of "automatic" responses, but I often don't say much beyond them.

 

[Amethystgirl]

I realize because I don't know what to say when I'm in virtual groups I don't want to try to make friends in either group and I already have a few people I know online. I just would like to practice social skills. I can't help asking about being weird because of my anxiety.

 

[Amethystgirl]

Is it weird that in a virtual aspie group I'm often the last one to speak yet in real life/in person I'm often quite loud? I feel in the virtual group I have barely anything to say, yet in real life I have too much to say.

 

[kriss72]

Nope

It's two very different environments, and ways of communicating...

When you say that you are quite loud, what do mean exactly?

 

[Amethystgirl]

I mean I talk quite loud in person but on Zoom in a group I'm shy.

 

[kriss72]

I see, and can relate to that, I have most experience from my previous job, where we both had virtual and in person meetings. It's just somehow more difficult to speak up in the zoom meeting for me - it wasn't about the group, as it was the same online and in person.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I've seen similar posts before on here, so I would definitely think you're not alone at all!

I'm the opposite -- quietest in a group, kind of loud and talkative in a virtual setting.

 

[Suzanne]

I don't think so.

I tend to be loud when I feel comfortable around people ( but that is pretty rare, as I can only cope with one on one). So, when in a crowd, I become mute.

It is assumed that when we are around like minded ones, we ought to shine and thus, when we don't, we get confused. But, life is not like that, as I am discovering.

 

[Levitat0r]

Well, despite not knowing you, but given the theme of the forum, chances are; yes, you're weird. And it's fine.That's why we're here. So that when a potential friend assembles a sentence or phrase like he just arrived from Mars, we remember we probably do the same thing every day, and we'd rather be tolerant than to never connect with anyone.