Is my GF upset with me?

[SunnyDay16]

Here's some backstory.

I met this girl on a chatroom a few months ago. We hit it off well and our personalities meshed. As far as I know, she is NT. At some point, she said she considered us to be dating, and I said something to the effect of, "I consider you my gf too." I definitely think this may last long term, but I also feel a bit unsure since this is my first relationship and that we have neurological differences.

But the issue now is that she hasn't been online for several weeks. I should mention that this is a long distance relationship, so it is a bit of a drawback since we can't have any physical contact. I am not sure if she is upset with me and doesn't want to tell me, or that there's a issue with the chat service we're using (Chatstep). Chatstep has glitched on us before, where we couldn't see each other on the screen. I'd like to think it's that, but I fear that she really is upset with me. I would hope she would tell me what's bothering her.

As for what would possibly bother her, one of them could be the time I asked her how my friend was doing, since she sees the friend on Chat Avenue. This friend may have a crush on me, but I don't feel the same for her. My gf knows this. My gf does have a tendency to get jealous, so I wonder if I shouldn't of asked her that question. I worry that she thinks I am romantically involved with this friend, which is why she hasn't been online.

 

[pjcnet]

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but online relationships aren't always what they seem, it's also common for people to simply move on and not take a person online as seriously as they may appear to. People sometimes see online chat as a fantasy and break from real life meaning that even if she said that you are dating she may not see it as seriously as you did. Perhaps she thought you were taking things too seriously and got cold feet? I'm not saying this is the case, but serious online relationships sometimes aren't truly serious both ways and even if they are they often don't remain serious unless there is also physical contact. I'm not trying to be horrible, but if she met someone in real life that she liked and they asked her out, do you honestly believe that she would refuse because she is in a relationship with someone online a long distance away that she has never met in person? That said there are successful long distance online relationships that can even turn to marriage and maybe she would refuse in that situation, but it's not as likely.

It's obviously impossible for us to know for definite why she isn't online at the moment, all you can do is wait patiently unless you have another way of contacting her? If she hasn't trusted you with her personal phone number or other means of contacting her apart from online where she can easily just vanish / block you if she chose to with no come back, then this is also a likely sign that she's not as serious as you may have believed. Okay, it's not recommended to part with personal information with people online unless you get to know them really well and even then there's a certain level of risk with so many less than genuine people in chat rooms Etc., but to seriously date there has to be trust for it to truly work, this is another quandary that makes online dating very difficult. I'm sorry this isn't what you will have wanted to hear.

I hope I'm totally wrong, she comes back online and it all works out very well for you, there's still a chance and I wish you the very best of luck!

 

[Suzanne]

Since she stopped chatting, as soon as you said that you consider her your girlfriend, suggests that she has major issues herself. She wants to call the shots and felt unhinged because you said how you felt.

I remember a female contacting me in absolute distress, because her long term relationship had died. As we were chatting, it shocked me, that she had been in this relationship for 10 years and not once met the guy. It had been online all that time.

Now, I am more comfortable online than off and yet, I can clearly see the futility of online relationships. It can start off that way, but all those relationships have developed into face to face and many are married now.

If you think it is a glitch, then persue that, because we aspies do tend to assume the worst case scenario, even though we are hoping we are wrong.

 

[pjcnet]

I agree with @Suzanne that if you think there's a glitch you should pursue it, although in my opinion after so long the chances of a system glitch are probably slim, at least if you politely contact Chatstep's support they can check and eliminate it as a possibility.

I was very apprehensive about mentioning the following when I wrote my original reply above, but most chat services have an option to block people and they will then always appear offline and effectively invisible to people they've blocked even when they're really online. You need to be very careful not to abuse this, but you could setup a new profile and then see if you can see her online, or on some systems you can see when a person was last seen. I'm assuming you can check this easily by only knowing her chat name when you're a new user, if not you'd have to manually look for her in chat rooms at times when she often used to be online and you may need to try this on multiple occasions to find her if she was still active. If she is online or was last seen recently and she's still showing as being offline for ages from your usual profile then I'm afraid she has blocked you. I said that you need to be very careful however and this is why I was very apprehensive about mentioning this in the first place, because if this happens you must NOT try to contact her from your new profile. If she has decided to block you then no matter what the reason may be this is her right, it would therefore be extremely unfair to take this right away and it could also be considered stalking (which is criminal in many countries)! If this is the unfortunate situation and I sincerely hope it isn't, then I'm afraid you MUST simply leave her be and switch back to your normal profile from then on, but at least you'd know for definite that she's not interested and it would then give you the opportunity to move on. If in the unlikely event that she contacted you on your new profile believing that you were someone else, you must ignore her, logout and never use this profile again.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Thank you all for your advice. I do hope it is just a Chatstep glitch, but I am thinking about the other possibility.

 

[Shiznown]

Maybe you should be questioning why you don't want to date your friend that wants to date you. If it's because you think the girl online is a better fit, or is hotter, give up that idea. Start considering if you would be satisfied with your friend(if she lives close).

 

[SunnyDay16]

Maybe you should be questioning why you don't want to date your friend that wants to date you. If it's because you think the girl online is a better fit, or is hotter, give up that idea. Start considering if you would be satisfied with your friend(if she lives close).

The friend doesn't live any closer than my girlfriend does. I haven't spoken to her in a while either, so I'm not sure. I do care about her as a friend, but I don't really hold any feelings for her beyond that.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but online relationships aren't always what they seem, it's also common for people to simply move on and not take a person online as seriously as they may appear to. People sometimes see online chat as a fantasy and break from real life meaning that even if she said that you are dating she may not see it as seriously as you did. Perhaps she thought you were taking things too seriously and got cold feet? I'm not saying this is the case, but serious online relationships sometimes aren't truly serious both ways and even if they are they often don't remain serious unless there is also physical contact. I'm not trying to be horrible, but if she met someone in real life that she liked and they asked her out, do you honestly believe that she would refuse because she is in a relationship with someone online a long distance away that she has never met in person? That said there are successful long distance online relationships that can even turn to marriage and maybe she would refuse in that situation, but it's not as likely.

It's obviously impossible for us to know for definite why she isn't online at the moment, all you can do is wait patiently unless you have another way of contacting her? If she hasn't trusted you with her personal phone number or other means of contacting her apart from online where she can easily just vanish / block you if she chose to with no come back, then this is also a likely sign that she's not as serious as you may have believed. Okay, it's not recommended to part with personal information with people online unless you get to know them really well and even then there's a certain level of risk with so many less than genuine people in chat rooms Etc., but to seriously date there has to be trust for it to truly work, this is another quandary that makes online dating very difficult. I'm sorry this isn't what you will have wanted to hear.

I hope I'm totally wrong, she comes back online and it all works out very well for you, there's still a chance and I wish you the very best of luck!

I know I'm reopening a super old thread, but I just have to say that I'm not planning on giving online dating another try ever again. This "gf" I talked about here was likely a catfish and not who they said they were, so the "relationship" (if I can even call it that) was just a waste of time.

 

[Isadoorian]

I know I'm reopening a super old thread, but I just have to say that I'm not planning on giving online dating another try ever again. This "gf" I talked about here was likely a catfish and not who they said they were, so the "relationship" (if I can even call it that) was just a waste of time.

I'm sorry to hear that but you shouldn't quit over one person who baited you like that... it's one of those risks that comes w/ online dating, it sucks hard I know and there's more people out there who've had the same experience as you

It's like that one person who joined last month or so and decided to stop coming back because they didn't like tree and her way of interacting with people in chat

 

[SunnyDay16]

I'm sorry to hear that but you shouldn't quit over one person who baited you like that... it's one of those risks that comes w/ online dating, it sucks hard I know and there's more people out there who've had the same experience as you

It's like that one person who joined last month or so and decided to stop coming back because they didn't like tree and her way of interacting with people in chat

It's ok. I'm not really affected by it anymore and I'd forgot about it for months now.

As far as online dating goes, that experience is only one of the reasons I'm not trying online dating again anytime soon. I'd much rather meet people offline that I have in common with and build relationships that way. Sure, it's harder, but it's more fulfilling to me.

 

[Isadoorian]

It's ok. I'm not really affected by it anymore and I'd forgot about it for months now.

As far as online dating goes, that experience is only one of the reasons I'm not trying online dating again anytime soon. I'd much rather meet people offline that I have in common with and build relationships that way. Sure, it's harder, but it's more fulfilling to me.

of course; I hope all goes well