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Is saying "I'm sorry" a lot an Aspie thing?

QueenOfFrance87

QueenOfFrance87

Let them eat tuna!
V.I.P Member
In elementary school, I got into trouble a lot and had to apologise a lot. I would often be forced to write apology notes on a near-daily basis. I still do it frequently, especially if it is something minor. For example, I answered a phone call that I was not supposed to answer. I talked to my mom about it and she said to not worry about it anymore, like she was shrugging it off.

Is there anyone here who find themselves apologising a lot, even if it wasn't their fault? Or is it not an Aspie thing?
 
Probably not. In some countries like Japan it's practically mandatory to be polite and respectful.
 
I over apologise a bit, cos I had a parent who could never be pleased. I pretty much had to apologise for breathing. I'm working on it.
 
Hi not sure if saying sorry often is a aspie thing or attached to pleasing others and a need to work on self esteem and acceptance of being?
 
I think for you, you've built up the habit from having to write letters of apology in elementary school. You seem to be pretty worried about offending people, so you apologise a lot. Now I'm not saying this is bad at all, i'm just guessing that might be why you do it. :)
 
I constantly mess upp both in life as well as on the webb started from child hood and continued thru out life & i ALWAYS have to say im sorry (and i mean that as well ) messing up is part of being a human being. what is important is NOT the mess up in it self we all do that .Its that we learn from our mistakes. and also dare to stand upp and ask for forgivnes to those we hurt or fix what we managed to mess upp.
 
Never say it. Because I never am.
I am careful to mean what I say or do, so I mean what I say and say what I mean.
 
QueenOfFrance87 said:
In elementary school, I got into trouble a lot and had to apologise a lot. I would often be forced to write apology notes on a near-daily basis. I still do it frequently, especially if it is something minor. For example, I answered a phone call that I was not supposed to answer. I talked to my mom about it and she said to not worry about it anymore, like she was shrugging it off.

Is there anyone here who find themselves apologising a lot, even if it wasn't their fault? Or is it not an Aspie thing?
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I have so much difficulty with being organized and sometimes with being on time. So I feel like I should apologize a lot for these sorts of things.
 
I do it a lot but so do many NTs. We may need to do it often if we are creating misunderstandings. Some may not do it even when they should though. Wouldn't that be the ToM thing, where we don't know when someone would expect a "sorry".
 
I have always and still do this a lot. Part of it is me feeling responsible for something which is just an accident anyone make, something trivial, so it is really kind of silly. It's become part of my personality really, to the point someone asked if I was actually Canadian, lol
 
I don't think it's an autism thing, I think it's a "person who has been mistreated a lot and is now afraid to offend or take up space in any way" thing and while that life experience is common among autistics, we're certainly not the only ones that have that experience.
 
QueenOfFrance87 said:
In elementary school, I got into trouble a lot and had to apologise a lot. I would often be forced to write apology notes on a near-daily basis. I still do it frequently, especially if it is something minor. For example, I answered a phone call that I was not supposed to answer. I talked to my mom about it and she said to not worry about it anymore, like she was shrugging it off.

Is there anyone here who find themselves apologising a lot, even if it wasn't their fault? Or is it not an Aspie thing?
Click to expand...

I used to apologize often. It was due to being passive. Learning how to be assertive made my life easier and helped me feel better.
 
I find myself apologizing a lot too, because I am constantly offending people to the point that I am worried they will physically hurt/kill me. When I was a kid every time I did something wrong my father would scream at me for being a horrible person. I remember going on a camping trip with his folks when I was 8 or so, and I screwed it up so badly that they basically disowned me and never saw me again outside of holidays, and when my folks would go to their house I had to be outside, alone.

As I got older I was constantly being physically attacked in junior high and high school for stuff I said that was offensive, and my father kept telling me that one day I would go too far and be killed, and that I would deserve it. After I moved out I kept screwing up, and made a habit of apologizing so I might get out of the situation alive. Today I mainly stay inside because I believe that I will be killed over some small screwup. I try to stay off social media for the same reason, killed either by somebody I offended or by the police.
 
Yeah, I can see how it can be more of a habit than an autism thing, but then again, I do say it more than an NT would. Some teachers, the principal and vice principal in my elementary school were very strict, and if I ever so much as do cartoon voices (even though some of the kids found it funny), I would be forced to write apology notes and give it to the person/child I hurt or offended. In middle school and junior high, some of the staff are more unforgiving, and instead of accepting my numerous apologies, would either restrain me or put me in in-school suspension. I was cut some slack in high school, because I have matured then, but I would still apologise to family members for numerous mistakes I have made.
 
Some of the stories in this thread are horrific! Oh my gosh.... I'm so sad and angry that you guys were treated that way!
 
Wow...I didn't mean to upset or trigger anyone in this thread. I just wanted to get some people's opinion about apologizing. I guess I have something else to apologize for.:(
 
QueenOfFrance87 said:
Wow...I didn't mean to upset or trigger anyone in this thread. I just wanted to get some people's opinion about apologizing. I guess I have something else to apologize for.:(
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No you don't! Not at all. Not from where I stand at any rate!

The way you were treated - which is largely the reason why you feel the need to apologize constantly - was not OK at all.
 
I think it is certainly common among aspies because of how we are treated by others, but it's a trait I see in a lot of people. You are certainly not alone, and it actually kinda bothers me when people try to correct my apologies. like overly try to correct it, like my apologies offend them. If that makes sense. One particular 'friend' comes to mind.
 
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