Is the notion of writing a memoir silly?

[autism-and-autotune]

Since my diagnosis, I've been indulging in memoirs of fellow individuals with Autism. The first couple books I read with my fiancee include Unmasking Autism by Devon Price (much recommended!) and But you Don't Look Autistic by Bianca Toeps. On the docket is one book by Temple Grandin (her second memoir, I believe?) and I'm excited to read it.

Well, I say 'read' but in reality my fiancee will read to me, and we discuss as the books ensue while I play Red Dead Redemption II. Having discussed Price's book got me thinking: could I write a memoir too? I have been keeping journals for most of my life, since the age of fifteen or sixteen. Hearing Price's words made me reflect on my many, many entries of similar thoughts, and situations which were eerily similar, as well as writing about stimming and special interests and general confusion with people. And self-harming too.

But it's a tricky situation. Do I want the world to see me for who I am, truly, both the good and bad? Or do I want it to be just an anecdote with which hopefully other individuals with autism can relate? Our experiences are, after all, quite universal but also uniquely individual. But then I think, Why write a book when you can just...advocate online, anonymously or otherwise? As much as I'd want to share my experience(s), the lack of privacy afterwards seems daunting. I could be shunned by those who used to know me, or lose my job(s), or other things. Unless, of course, I'm over-thinking it as always. I'd go for the social media aspect but it's still social interaction, and I'd still be prone to burnout (running a Twitter or a Youtube channel discussing my autism, etc). I have an offline life which is super important to me.

Does anyone else have similar thoughts?

 

[Outdated]

Do I want the world to see me for who I am, truly, both the good and bad? Or do I want it to be just an anecdote with which hopefully other individuals with autism can relate?

I did write my autobiography when I was in my late 40s, not available to the general public. It's no fairy story and I'm no angel. Writing everything down like that is the most therapeutic thing I have ever done.

What prompted me to write? I was involved in a 5 year study of autism in adults and a lot of their questions stirred up a lot of old ghosts. Part of the problem was that I could never work out what they were going to ask next and so I was unable to mentally prepare myself.

So I wrote everything down in a book. Then when I was asked questions that disturbed me I could just copy and paste answers from my book instead of having to relive old memories again and again.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I did write my autobiography when I was in my late 40s, not available to the general public. It's no fairy story and I'm no angel. Writing everything down like that is the most therapeutic thing I have ever done.

What prompted me to write? I was involved in a 5 year study of autism in adults and a lot of their questions stirred up a lot of old ghosts. Part of the problem was that I could never work out what they were going to ask next and so I was unable to mentally prepare myself.

So I wrote everything down in a book. Then when I was asked questions that disturbed me I could just copy and paste answers from my book instead of having to relive old memories again and again.

Thanks for your insight! Hmm...I think you've given me a bit to think on.

 

[Outdated]

Thanks for your insight! Hmm...I think you've given me a bit to think on.

I even posted a few (edited) excerpts from my book in here when I first joined up:

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/autistic-burnout.41208/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/a-christmas-story.41236/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/miscommunication.41225/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/work-place-bullying.41230/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/reactions-to-bullies.41249/

 

[autism-and-autotune]

I even posted a few (edited) excerpts from my book in here when I first joined up:

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/autistic-burnout.41208/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/a-christmas-story.41236/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/miscommunication.41225/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/work-place-bullying.41230/https://www.autismforums.com/threads/reactions-to-bullies.41249/

Ah, thanks! I look forward to reading them.

 

[Magna]

I don't think the idea is silly. I've thought the same thing because by objective measure, I've led a roller coaster of a life. Crazy experiences, etc.

 

[Darkkin]

Everyone has a book they are getting around to writing. (Most of them...eh...). Autistic memoirs on the other hand, are still relatively rare and many of those are from a parent's perspective, not the actual autistic's. It is definitely an under represented genre and there are a lot of ASDers looking for answers.

The empathy and interest niches are there and publishing platforms are widely available.

Personally, I will stick with my poetry and fiction because my cat is more interesting than I am.

 

[1ForAll]

Since my diagnosis, I've been indulging in memoirs of fellow individuals with Autism. The first couple books I read with my fiancee include Unmasking Autism by Devon Price (much recommended!) and But you Don't Look Autistic by Bianca Toeps. On the docket is one book by Temple Grandin (her second memoir, I believe?) and I'm excited to read it.

Well, I say 'read' but in reality my fiancee will read to me, and we discuss as the books ensue while I play Red Dead Redemption II. Having discussed Price's book got me thinking: could I write a memoir too? I have been keeping journals for most of my life, since the age of fifteen or sixteen. Hearing Price's words made me reflect on my many, many entries of similar thoughts, and situations which were eerily similar, as well as writing about stimming and special interests and general confusion with people. And self-harming too.

But it's a tricky situation. Do I want the world to see me for who I am, truly, both the good and bad? Or do I want it to be just an anecdote with which hopefully other individuals with autism can relate? Our experiences are, after all, quite universal but also uniquely individual. But then I think, Why write a book when you can just...advocate online, anonymously or otherwise? As much as I'd want to share my experience(s), the lack of privacy afterwards seems daunting. I could be shunned by those who used to know me, or lose my job(s), or other things. Unless, of course, I'm over-thinking it as always. I'd go for the social media aspect but it's still social interaction, and I'd still be prone to burnout (running a Twitter or a Youtube channel discussing my autism, etc). I have an offline life which is super important to me.

Does anyone else have similar thoughts?

No, not silly! I wrote a memoir on my perspective of living with two Autistic children, prior to each of their diagnoses, and for a period of time after. I too greatly worried about privacy issues, because our sons were very small children then, and are still young now. As well, I was too detailed there that I felt it may not be well received, but it is how I think and express regardless if I too have Autism or not. Also, I speak things about the medical community and our mostly difficult dealings with them that many would not want to hear. But, I needed to be truthful in how I feel and what we went through.

Unfortunately, the few well known books on Autism I read, I was sadly disappointed with, contrary to popular opinion, in that it seemed too technical or factual in content and without an emotional or feeling component that I needed to connect with. When I write, I use my head and heart, and I give one hundred percent effort. I do not generalize, but give reasons why I think and feel as I do, using my keen senses, analytical and detailed abilities, strong empathy skills, and past experiences using narrative experiences mixed in with my strong insights and perceptions. I liked what I did, and that is all that matters. Our kids may want to read it when they get older; they'll at least see I cared.

I will say, even though it is self-published in soft cover form, to distribute to some locals and anyone else who could appreciate my efforts and wisdom about Autism, as seen through our personal experiences, I never wanted to go through the hassle of final editing by sending it out to others that I could not trust, and I never wanted to go the traditional publisher route as I did not want them to have full control, as sensitive topics and family and personal issues are discussed. I felt they could try to alter it so much, to make it too technical, general and/or unfeeling, and make it look like some textbook, which I admit is not me, nor how I wanted others to see Autism and our children. If I wanted that, I'd go back to university and get a masters or Phd. or write stereotypical things about Autistics. Each with Autism is different--and we have feelings too!

So, what I wrote is us, like it or not. Some or many grammar mistakes, yes, as I just made a few revisions only and editing is not my strength, and too detailed too? Yea, but that is me. I don't need perfection, but to give our story so as a few others can learn and appreciate our adventures, our sons, the challenges and our dreams. If you ever want a free pdf file copy, feel free to message or let me know here, to give you ideas if you need any, or to find some value in what I wrote, from a dad's perspective, which I find is very unique in itself, as the stereotype is that guy's must work outside the home, don't have nurturing and as much empathy skills, and as they cannot be the main caregiver.

Anyway, I hope you will consider writing your story in your way too, even if it is just for your or family's personal needs. Don't hesitate to ask if you need further direction as well.

 

[autism-and-autotune]

No, not silly! I wrote a memoir on my perspective of living with two Autistic children, prior to each of their diagnoses, and for a period of time after. I too greatly worried about privacy issues, because our sons were very small children then, and are still young now. As well, I was too detailed there that I felt it may not be well received, but it is how I think and express regardless if I too have Autism or not. Also, I speak things about the medical community and our mostly difficult dealings with them that many would not want to hear. But, I needed to be truthful in how I feel and what we went through.

Unfortunately, the few well known books on Autism I read, I was sadly disappointed with, contrary to popular opinion, in that it seemed too technical or factual in content and without an emotional or feeling component that I needed to connect with. When I write, I use my head and heart, and I give one hundred percent effort. I do not generalize, but give reasons why I think and feel as I do, using my keen senses, analytical and detailed abilities, strong empathy skills, and past experiences using narrative experiences mixed in with my strong insights and perceptions. I liked what I did, and that is all that matters. Our kids may want to read it when they get older; they'll at least see I cared.

I will say, even though it is self-published in soft cover form, to distribute to some locals and anyone else who could appreciate my efforts and wisdom about Autism, as seen through our personal experiences, I never wanted to go through the hassle of final editing by sending it out to others that I could not trust, and I never wanted to go the traditional publisher route as I did not want them to have full control, as sensitive topics and family and personal issues are discussed. I felt they could try to alter it so much, to make it too technical, general and/or unfeeling, and make it look like some textbook, which I admit is not me, nor how I wanted others to see Autism and our children. If I wanted that, I'd go back to university and get a masters or Phd. or write stereotypical things about Autistics. Each with Autism is different--and we have feelings too!

So, what I wrote is us, like it or not. Some or many grammar mistakes, yes, as I just made a few revisions only and editing is not my strength, and too detailed too? Yea, but that is me. I don't need perfection, but to give our story so as a few others can learn and appreciate our adventures, our sons, the challenges and our dreams. If you ever want a free pdf file copy, feel free to message or let me know here, to give you ideas if you need any, or to find some value in what I wrote, from a dad's perspective, which I find is very unique in itself, as the stereotype is that guy's must work outside the home, don't have nurturing and as much empathy skills, and as they cannot be the main caregiver.

Anyway, I hope you will consider writing your story in your way too, even if it is just for your or family's personal needs. Don't hesitate to ask if you need further direction as well.

Thank you very very much for your insightful response! I think a copy of your writing would be eye-opening, if you wish to lend it. I think your perspective would be unique to hear from.

I've tried to make my memoir less technical and more 'true', if that makes sense, because during the time I lacked the technical vocabulary. Perhaps some may find it...able to be related to, or not. Oddly enough in the personal memoirs, I was sometimes derailed when the route was changed to more technical and not personal---but at the same time, it's a good break.

Thanks again for your response!

 

[1ForAll]

Thank you very very much for your insightful response! I think a copy of your writing would be eye-opening, if you wish to lend it. I think your perspective would be unique to hear from.

I've tried to make my memoir less technical and more 'true', if that makes sense, because during the time I lacked the technical vocabulary. Perhaps some may find it...able to be related to, or not. Oddly enough in the personal memoirs, I was sometimes derailed when the route was changed to more technical and not personal---but at the same time, it's a good break.

Thanks again for your response!

Thanks. Yes, I agree about those technical struggles too. I just eventually focused on doing things the best way I could based on my abilities and desires, without feeling pressures to do things the way others could want. I feel for any creative venture, that's what makes the most sense for me.

I will send you a quick conversation message following up on your interest in receiving such and how best for you to receive such without charge. Thanks for the interest there.

 

[VictorR]

I don't think I would ever write a memoir, though I'm quite open to contributing to an anthology.

There's still certain voices that are underrepresented in memoirs, namely those with multiple intersectionalities, though Price's book, from the parts I've made through so far, does a good job of helping bring forth such voices, including of course their own.

 

[1ForAll]

I don't think I would ever write a memoir, though I'm quite open to contributing to an anthology.

There's still certain voices that are underrepresented in memoirs, namely those with multiple intersectionalities, though Price's book, from the parts I've made through so far, does a good job of helping bring forth such voices, including of course their own.

I wonder Victor what you would think about you or someone else here helping the Autistic community by compiling in book form some of the unique talents, interests, skills, achievements and creations of numerous members here, if enough here are interested in that, using either their own words or with at least that information of those positive abilities, accomplishments and happenings.. I mean how many Autistic books have you read have put together this type of uplifting information to show Autism in a more positive, unique and less stereotypical light?

I just think we have enough books showing mostly the difficulties of Autism from from medical, parental or caregivers, and media point of view, and while I do think there needs to be more books written from an Autistic person's point of view, too, how about something less stereotypical, common, and more different, like an anthology showing Autism in more a successful light? Lots of members here amaze me with their abilities and achievements, and I don't think the general populace sees that, as the medical community, media and others focus more on negatives or neutral.

I mean you or another technical writer (not I as that is not my strength) could do the writings, after they or someone else compiled all that more positive achievement(s), talent(s) or skill(s) information from any interested members. Then, someone could format, organize and edit all that, help with marketing, and/or consider finding or sending to a publisher. I mean, actual names or locations do not have to be used for privacy, if that was an issue, and I realize some skills, accomplishment and talents of members may reinforce some stereotypes, but several people here have unique skills and abilities too.

When you Victor mentioned an anthology, that was the first thing that crossed my mind. I would not even mention writing as my skill, but my best ability seems to be understanding myself and most people pretty well, using my emotional intelligence and keen senses, and because of logical, detailed, non-verbal communication and analytical skills. I could explain more there. Our young son's talent for his age is is singing. Others here can be great with playing musical instruments or making their own music, art, writing, metal making, videos, gaming, atypical sports, gardening, travelling, historical stuff, or like they can show great computer, science and technical or memory skills, to name a few, as seen through their creations, knowledge, abilities, efforts, or educational and occupational endeavors.

It's just an idea to compile those stories, from those typical non-famous Autistic or suspected Autistic members here interested in such an idea, and to show any of their achievements and skills from that information compiled, and using any important facts, relevant pictures or links to their creations, for example, for those who want to contribute there. It could be up to the discretion of the book writer, after contact with each those interested members, which of the one to many skills and talents those persons have could best be used or shown in such an anthology book to create more variety, uniqueness and interest, and to capture their skill, accomplishment or talent the best.

I just feel the media, educational, medical and charity narratives on Autism seems mostly negative, so what good are more books on the negative slant? Less discrimination and more acceptance and appreciation will occur when we show the other positive side of Autism I feel, which perhaps will allow us to be ourselves more and mask less, and to love ourselves more. Perhaps we will get more opportunities in life then, through dating, relationships and occupationally. Granted not all with Autism can show their skills and talents as much as others, if less functioning is involved. But, even our youngest could be a model if he wanted, and put any object broken into a hundred of tiny pieces back together with much patience and without shown much difficulty.

 

[Outdated]

I wonder Victor what you would think about you or someone else here helping the Autistic community by compiling in book form some of the unique talents, interests, skills, achievements and creations of numerous members here, if enough here are interested in that, using either their own words or with at least that information of those positive abilities, accomplishments and happenings.

I've pondered this a bit lately, just thinking about the wealth of information that there is just in this forum. What format would you compile it all in in order to make it all more accessible? It would be nice if we could cross reference things in here the same way that my brain cross references everything all the time.

A simple search engine for text always seems to fall flat, perhaps entering things considered of value in to a database for easier manipulation? You need someone a lot better than me to start creating that though.

 

[1ForAll]

I've pondered this a bit lately, just thinking about the wealth of information that there is just in this forum. What format would you compile it all in in order to make it all more accessible? It would be nice if we could cross reference things in here the same way that my brain cross references everything all the time.

A simple search engine for text always seems to fall flat, perhaps entering things considered of value in to a database for easier manipulation? You need someone a lot better than me to start creating that though.

Yes, I agree. There are lots of information in this forum and issues involved there, so it could be too hard for any one to do this, even if the forum leaders or owner would be OK with such. If so, make it more a team approach perhaps even. I came up just with a little bit more of a specific idea for a book, after Victor mentioned interest in an anthology. But for any people here possibly interested in helping do a small part, separate from, or included with any information they would like in such a book, that could be well received.

I can just say my strengths are not technical related, marketing, editing, research, contacting others professionally, and anything web or search engine based. I would never want to be the main leader of such an endeavor because of too many responsibilities here, and I realize others can be busy too, so if someone very interested in such wants to come forward with any desires to lead such a project or similar there, or if they have other input to offer regarding this, that could be good to know. Sometimes our imagination can be put into action, if there is enough interest.

 

[VictorR]

@Outdated @1ForAll

In regards to the forums, I think we would really benefit from having an index for popular questions like "should I get a diagnosis" and "what was your diagnosis journey like" since there's been some absolute gem answers over the years (sometimes hidden in threads where the title might not give a hint of what lies inside), and I have to admit I don't always respond to such questions in length since I don't want to be repeating myself (and from what I recall about SEO / search engine optimization, repeated text is not a good thing).

As for putting together a book, besides contributing, the other thing that I'm open to is helping with commenting on the the review / editing - from the anthologies I've read, I think that sometimes there's a bunch of entries of approximate equal length, when it's clear that
1) some submissions were stronger / more interesting, stand on their own, and might even benefit from being split into two separate entries
2) some submissions seem drawn out to reach a word count or are otherwise too wordy and should have been edited for conciseness
3) some submissions overlap to the point that they probably should have been combined into a composite entry

But yes, it would be a sizable project, and there's the challenge of inclusivity while also trying to have the work as a whole make sense, in addition to the possibility of turning down submissions due to not fitting in or duplication, though that might be ameliorated by inviting potential contributors to make multiple submissions, which might also allow the editors to potentially even rewrite all of the stories as composites in a unified voice.

 

[Outdated]

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams - "It's to do with the interconnectedness of all things."

A book won't work. It is linear information and most of us don't always think that way. With text books I often skip back and forth even on a first read in order to get the information in a fashion that is meaningful to me, yet I seem to grasp the full meaning of the text much more quickly than most people.

A large many arrayed database of individual posts instead of whole threads, appropriate links thrown up in pages by AI. So if a story catches your interest at the bottom of the page there could be links to other posts according to how they link. Is it the social aspects of this story that you want related posts to? Or is it the medical side of the story and here's some posts related to that? Perhaps you were interested in the side of the story related to relationships?

Possibly incredibly difficult to set up but that's the way my brain does stuff and it seems to work quite well.

 

[Outdated]

"It's to do with the interconnectedness of all things."

Seeing this on the inside of the book cover was a life changing moment for me, I was 13 years old. It was the very first key in understanding why I was so different to everyone else. My brain works differently to most people's.

The book itself is just a nice funny story, it's those words on the inside of the dust cover that changed my world - "It's to do with the interconnectedness of all things."