Is this an autism thing?

[Gift2humanity]

I keep doing this, and I don't know if I am using autism as an excuse.
There's too many examples to write down, but, basically, I miss out important things when I am telling people about problems, whether it be tradesmen, medical staff, or anyone.
Writing lists beforehand doesn't work, I still forget something, I miss things off lists and only realise months, years later.
Is it just me or is it the autism?

 

[Angular Chap]

Autism, definitely. I do the exact same things. Definitely not just you.

For me, it's the anxiety and getting flustered that make me forgetful, even when I plan encounters for a while beforehand. I expend most of my energy getting the date, time, place, proper manners, right amount of eye contact and everything else right that I don't have enough brain power left for what I need to do in the situation itself. I'm too busy trying to navigate the social encounter itself as a whole that I forget the actual content.

 

[Rodafina]

Autism, definitely. I do the exact same things. Definitely not just you.

For me, it's the anxiety and getting flustered that make me forgetful, even when I plan encounters for a while beforehand. I expend most of my energy getting the date, time, place, proper manners, right amount of eye contact and everything else right that I don't have enough brain power left for what I need to do in the situation itself. I'm too busy trying to navigate the social encounter itself as a whole that I forget the actual content.

That’s just what I was thinking. Anxiety.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Yes. It seems to be. I really struggle with getting points across in a conversation. There is often no flow, as there is when I am writing. I recently had to make a presentation to the medical director of our hospital a few weeks ago. Now, this is a person who has been supportive, so I didn't feel intimidated, but I did need to use a PowerPoint presentation to keep my thoughts straight, and I did feel that I did OK, but even he mentioned off-handedly that I seemed "excited" during the presentation.

I also have to deal with physicians when I have concerns. I do find that I have to present them with photos and text. Thank Apple for the iPhones we use for inter-hospital communication devices. Otherwise, it is really difficult for me to get out all I want to say without them interrupting and disrupting my train of thought.

 

[MildredHubble]

I definitely do this. It's not that I fail to prepare. It's more that no amount of preparation prevents me from missing things, and I end up kicking myself so much that I miss things out.

I've been told to write lists for example, but that doesn't work either. Basically all a list does is convey information that ultimately gets stored in the same region of my brain.

I am dyslexic, and I'm told that basically this boils down to faulty working memory. So now instead of the reminder coming from my brain, it comes from a piece of paper. What I can't get people to understand is that it doesn't matter how many times I reference the list, I will still leave something out. Why? Well that's because my brain believes in the moment that I've done everything.

The irony here though is, on average, I'm actually better at remembering things than most people I know or have encountered. It's just often I will have a blind spot for something. If that something ends up being important, that's when it gets noticed.

 

[Judge]

I definitely do this. It's not that I fail to prepare. It's more that no amount of preparation prevents me from missing things, and I end up kicking myself so much that I miss things out.

I've been told to write lists for example, but that doesn't work either. Basically all a list does is convey information that ultimately gets stored in the same region of my brain.

I am dyslexic, and I'm told that basically this boils down to faulty working memory. So now instead of the reminder coming from my brain, it comes from a piece of paper. What I can't get people to understand is that it doesn't matter how many times I reference the list, I will still leave something out. Why? Well that's because my brain believes in the moment that I've done everything.

The irony here though is, on average, I'm actually better at remembering things than most people I know or have encountered. It's just often I will have a blind spot for something. If that something ends up being important, that's when it gets noticed.

I hear ya. I'd be in a lot of trouble if I run out of post-it notes.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I do this a lot. It helps to write lists of things I need to remember on a piece of paper, especially for phone calls, but then I need to remember to take out the piece of paper when I'm speaking. I also find that people aren't very patient with me and my lists

 

[Kisa the tea]

This happens to me all the time and I was just having trouble with this recently in fact. I always saw it as a combination of my autism and anxiety. I wish I had some sort of mental rewind button to go back through my thoughts.

 

[VictorR]

In my opinion, this is one of the things that hurts a lot of autistic persons when looking for a job - it getting to an interview, getting anxious / flustered, and then leaving a lot of stuff out, then kicking yourself "why didn't I say this/that...". (of course, other things like not making eye contact, or skipping small talk pre- or post- interview often result in us being judged negatively as well...)

 

[Gift2humanity]

Autism, definitely. I do the exact same things. Definitely not just you.

For me, it's the anxiety and getting flustered that make me forgetful, even when I plan encounters for a while beforehand. I expend most of my energy getting the date, time, place, proper manners, right amount of eye contact and everything else right that I don't have enough brain power left for what I need to do in the situation itself. I'm too busy trying to navigate the social encounter itself as a whole that I forget the actual content.

Thanks for sharing. When calm, I prepared a list of things I wanted to say to a professional, and missed the most important thing off the list.
This is not the first time.

 

[Gift2humanity]

That’s just what I was thinking. Anxiety.

If I have no list, yeah, anxiety beats me, and I can forgive myself for missing important things, but when I do a list and still miss things off, that is when I get worried.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I definitely do this. It's not that I fail to prepare. It's more that no amount of preparation prevents me from missing things, and I end up kicking myself so much that I miss things out.

I've been told to write lists for example, but that doesn't work either. Basically all a list does is convey information that ultimately gets stored in the same region of my brain.

I am dyslexic, and I'm told that basically this boils down to faulty working memory. So now instead of the reminder coming from my brain, it comes from a piece of paper. What I can't get people to understand is that it doesn't matter how many times I reference the list, I will still leave something out. Why? Well that's because my brain believes in the moment that I've done everything.

The irony here though is, on average, I'm actually better at remembering things than most people I know or have encountered. It's just often I will have a blind spot for something. If that something ends up being important, that's when it gets noticed.

I can relate to this, missing things off lists and the annoyance, as I feel vulnerable.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Yes, I do this a lot. It helps to write lists of things I need to remember on a piece of paper, especially for phone calls, but then I need to remember to take out the piece of paper when I'm speaking. I also find that people aren't very patient with me and my lists

Do you miss things off lists, like me?

 

[Rodafina]

If I have no list, yeah, anxiety beats me, and I can forgive myself for missing important things, but when I do a list and still miss things off, that is when I get worried.

Do you have the list with you during the meeting/conversation? Or do you make the list and then try to remember everything off of it?

 

[Progster]

Do you miss things off lists, like me?

Yes, sometimes. What goes on the list is dependent on what I remember to put on it at the time of writing. But if I make the list in advance, I can add things to it as they occur to me. Nothing is fool-proof, but it's still better than trying to remember everything while discussing a problem.

For doctor's appointments and when I go travelling I make lists, sometimes for shopping, too.

 

[SusanLR]

The list can get too long when seeing a doctor, then I have to pick and choose.
This can cause overlooking something important.
Even if the list is short, I can still miss something important.

I find grocery lists work best when I list in sections.
Dairy section, frozen food section, meat section, etc.
I know where each section is in the store, so I can go from area to area.
That's why I hate it when they reorganize the store.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Do you have the list with you during the meeting/conversation? Or do you make the list and then try to remember everything off of it?

Yes I do have the lists with me at these times.
What bothers me is that I prepare the list ahead of time, giving time to add anything I might miss, and still miss things, which gets me into trouble some times.

 

[Gift2humanity]

The list can get too long when seeing a doctor, then I have to pick and choose.
This can cause overlooking something important.
Even if the list is short, I can still miss something important.

I find grocery lists work best when I list in sections.
Dairy section, frozen food section, meat section, etc.
I know where each section is in the store, so I can go from area to area.
That's why I hate it when they reorganize the store.

I only see my GP about one thing at a time, for the vast majority of visits, 2 or 3 at most, and I can cope with that. It's various property issues, I have caused trouble for myself by missing things off, despite leaving myself enough time to prepare, and add in missed things, what bothers me is that it's the important stuff I miss.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Yes, sometimes. What goes on the list is dependent on what I remember to put on it at the time of writing. But if I make the list in advance, I can add things to it as they occur to me. Nothing is fool-proof, but it's still better than trying to remember everything while discussing a problem.

For doctor's appointments and when I go travelling I make lists, sometimes for shopping, too.

I repeatedly miss the most important things, despite allowing myself plenty of time to prepare the lists.
I get distressed, as it's the most important things I miss.

 

[MildredHubble]

I repeatedly miss the most important things, despite allowing myself plenty of time to prepare the lists.
I get distressed, as it's the most important things I miss.

I think the only way lists are useful to me is if the event or whatever, follows the order of the list. In reality things rarely do. As soon as things go "off script" that's when I will basically have the same problem. I might be making a mental note of something on the list that I need to address, as soon as things start jumping around I will forget something.

A good metaphor would be when I worked on a line in a factory. Most people hated the repetition, but it was great for me. I had a model in my head of the order of things, it felt effortless to keep track of things.

But when they introduced something new into the pattern, I would drop to pieces. I would pick up the wrong parts to assemble, it didn't matter how much I told myself not to. Even though there was a monitor in front of me telling me what was next. I would get really irritated with myself. It was like, even though I was consciously aware, the message wasn't reaching some other necessary part of my brain.

Another way to put it is, imagine you have a conveyor with blue and red objects passing in front of you and you are told to just pick up the blue objects. Then after an hour, you are told to pick up only the red ones. I can tell myself over and over, to pick up the red objects and still end up picking up the blue ones. It even feels like I'm doing it right in the moment. Like I would swear I had picked up the red object. This is all despite really hyper focussing on the task.

Fortunately if I get a few tries at a task, it starts to become second nature again and I rarely make mistakes. But if the situation is a one off, I end up so irritated that I missed things I genuinely wanted not to miss.

It's like some faulty wiring or misfire in my brain.

Sorry if I'm rambling, it feels like I'm not doing a good job of articulating my experience. I hope this post made some sense.