Is this sabotage

[selena]

I have a coworker who seems to have a personal vendetta against me. I have heard her complain about me before, but as long as it was just words, who cares.

Lately, though, her grudges for me seem to manifest in concrete actions. She has been making me jump hoops by citing company procedures that aren't imposed on other employees (eyerolling-worthy, but whatever), delaying processing my requests (annoying in its obvious passive-aggressiveness), sent me an email that was intended for me to give a "gotcha" response (I ignored the email), and just today told me she didn't want to move forward with my requests because "there's so many of them" (?!? but it is literally your job to process my requests!).

Her manager is aware that there are problems between me and the employee, but maybe not the whole story. I don't really want to bring my manager into this because I don't want it to turn into a big thing, the problem employee won't be fired and my relationship with the entire department will just worsen after she tells them her version of the story, and, most of all, what's been happening just seems so petty and silly and not worthy of a manager's attention?

I do not know what I did to get her goat. I'm not friendly in that I don't chit-chat or ask anyone about their family/weekends (does any of us?), but I've never been downright rude to her (to a couple people maybe, but not her). So I'm just going to assume it's a her problem and not a me problem. In the meantime, though, how do I get work done when she's purposely making it hard for me to get my work done?

 

[paloftoon]

Since you don't feel comfortable bringing it up, what you do is write down, in detail, the day and time such action(s) are happening to you, and explain in your notes why they seem to be happening to you. Also include how you handled each response.

Then later on, if your job is threatened or you do get attacked, then it's time to respond with your notes in a scheduled phone or in-person (socially distanced if possible) discussion with your manager or maybe even someone above your manager.

Is there anyone you can trust at work to be a witness for anything, whether it be an e-mail that was sent to you or such? Include such potential witnesses in your notes as well.


I hope things work out for you.

 

[VictorR]

In your jurisdiction, is harassment covered under safe work legislation? If so, with some documentation they might be willing to open up a case.

 

[Aspychata]

l would be tempted to turn the tables and ask if she is overwhelmed and unable to process your requests hindering the company's bottom line? If you are friends with your supervisor, you could ask how to pursue it. If her actions don't cut into revenue then you sorta have to step back and just hope she burns herself out or finds someone new to fixate on. Does she want your job?

 

[Suzanne]

I echo what paloftoon says. You must make a record of her bullying tactics, because if it does come to it, which no doubt it will, evidence is what will make or break the issue.

Seems to me that she is jealous of you. Perhaps you are a better worker than her or get more commendations etc or prettier than her?

 

[Jonn]

In the meantime, though, how do I get work done when she's purposely making it hard for me to get my work done?

Do you have an HR department?
Perhaps ask them how to handle a passive-aggressive work environment?

 

[Jonn]

Is there anyone you can trust at work to be a witness for anything, whether it be an e-mail that was sent to you or such? Include such potential witnesses in your notes as well.

Yep, keep all emails/text messages, etc.

 

[paloftoon]

l would be tempted to turn the tables and ask if she is overwhelmed and unable to process your requests hindering the company's bottom line? If you are friends with your supervisor, you could ask how to pursue it. If her actions don't cut into revenue then you sorta have to step back and just hope she burns herself out or finds someone new to fixate on. Does she want your job?

While I like this line of thinking, my sense of you as a person Selena is that you use this kind of tactic only when your job is directly threatened. We know that by you doing this, it would antagonize the situation more.

When it comes to your job, it is more than okay to antagonize the situation. But if you don't want to deal with it, then you best just continue to lay low and keep taking copious notes.

If you want to start off with a slightly softer approach, but want to do more than just take notes, you could ask someone in HR if such actions are significantly affecting the company's bottom line. But you already said you don't want your manager right now. So, if your job is threatened, then that means maybe I think it's best to inform HR AND the person attacking separately. Try to keep things sounding like they are only in terms of the company's bottom line and stress how the behavior affects the bottom line rather than you personally (unless specifically asked about how it affects you personally) as much as you can.


In the mean time, playing off of the witness idea, you can ask trusted coworkers to give you their opinion of if certain actions affect the bottom line of the company, and put that in your notes with date and time as well.


Also, if you have, oh, let's say a lot of notes within 6 months or 1 year and the situation is really bugging you and you don't feel you want to deal with it passively anymore, this would be a good time to bring it up to your manager. You can tell your manager you didn't want to bring it up sooner because you didn't want the issues to seem too petty and that you just wanted to focus on your job. And then ask the manager's opinion if this coworker's behavior does affect the bottom line. Whatever the manager says at that point, you work with that. If you feel the manager for some reason isn't supporting you properly, try to look for other managers/colleagues to support you .

 

[Aspychata]

The workforce feels more cut-throat to me because of less jobs. We have multiple people applying for jobs and they will sabotage to get their friends or to get out the competition. l dealt with a very aggressive lady co-worker who did stuff to me, but she was walked to the exit door. l was pretty stressed. She became angrier as time went on.

 

[Statest16]

She sounds like she is very unhappy in her job and is not happy at; or looks forward to going to work.
She needs a scapegoat and if you're ASD she may not know of your actual diagnosis,but people can pick up on if someone is different.Maybe because your different your a target.

 

[Aspychata]

l was targeted by a ND lady. She was very overbearing and burned out at her job. Customers didn't like her. She is now going to nursing school. She was too pushy l guess. So you can be targeted by anybody for any reason apparently in this job market.

 

[selena]

Thanks for the response all, there were things that never even occurred to me before.

I did get another email from her this morning. This time I had the urge to march in there and make a scene, but lucky for me I got pulled into another assignment and managed to calm down. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to say to her manager so even if I lose the battle today, I'll still win the war. Wish me luck!

 

[Judge]

Coworkers can exist as friends, but in most workplaces at some point they are simply competitors.

Translation: Watch your back.

 

[Jonn]

l dealt with a very aggressive lady co-worker who did stuff to me, but she was walked to the exit door.

Hooray for our side!

 

[Jonn]

Wish me luck!

Why?
Wot's in it for me?

 

[sidd851]

Since you don't feel comfortable bringing it up, what you do is write down, in detail, the day and time such action(s) are happening to you, and explain in your notes why they seem to be happening to you. Also include how you handled each response.

Then later on, if your job is threatened or you do get attacked, then it's time to respond with your notes in a scheduled phone or in-person (socially distanced if possible) discussion with your manager or maybe even someone above your manager.

Is there anyone you can trust at work to be a witness for anything, whether it be an e-mail that was sent to you or such? Include such potential witnesses in your notes as well.


I hope things work out for you.

Exactly.

Document everything.
Be patient.

Many people, when presented with the same advice,
will hurriedly write down the last few incidents, and then attempt to present it to someone, anyone, that they think will listen.
This is self-sabotage.
The quicker you show your hand, the weaker it is/will be.
The purpose here is to create a history, and what may seem important now, usually only satisfies our feelings of "getting it out", or "getting someone to commiserate".
While this may feel good, it will defeat the purpose, in several ways.
It will alert anyone even remotely involved that you have begun to document the treatment. If this person is forewarned, they are fore-armed.
This person is no stranger to interoffice politics and..
nastiness.
They are quite certainly better at playing this "game", as they have had plenty of time(and other employees) with which to practice.

Your purpose, with documenting the treatment is not necessarily just to document it.

If that were the sole purpose of your documentation,
it would mean little more than a "she said, she said" situation, with the very slight advantage of simple documentation.
Your purpose, here, is not to garner support or commiseration, but to create undeniable proof of this discrimination, in it's full glory and premeditated nature.
While you are carefully documenting this treatment, you are also creating a timeline.

This person is obviously adept at deflecting culpability.
If it were me, I would not assume that my accusation would turn out in any way other than to strengthen their position.
You have an advantage, however.

Nobody will know that you have begun to record this treatment.
This gives you the real advantage.

The advantage lies not in your ability to describe the treatment. The advantage is actually in the timely documentation itself.
Set up a daily chronicle, just like a diary.
Record this treatment daily.
When you think you have enough to go forward with... don't.
Continue to record.

Your real advantage will be in the chronology.
You have no way of knowing what is taking place between this person and their superior. Just like their superior really has only a vague, incorrect picture of what is going on between the 2 of you.
The version they have been told skews the story in their favor.
In the "she said, she said" version, this person is drawing a picture for her boss that draws you in a less than favorable light. Count on it.
Also, however, count on the fact that she is also not telling the truth about other things, to her boss.

You (probably) won't win, if it comes down to a dispute between the 2 of you.
So, make it about something else.

Document everything.

In your documentation, unbeknownst to you, you will probably begin to bring very interesting facts to light, that her boss would be very interested to know.

You see, people who lie, don't pick one individual to lie to.
They lie more or less indiscriminately.
So, you can be certain that if this woman is lying to you, she's lying to her boss, too.

Document everything.

While she's tapdancing the line between keeping her lies straight, between 2 different people,
You can give up the "fight", and just "write".

She may be able to beat you.
She may be able to beat her boss.
She may even be able to beat you both.

I very highly doubt that she can beat the truth, and far more interesting things are sure to come to light, to her boss, than an "employee feud".

Document everything.

May you be well.

Sidd