AuroraBorealis
AuuuuuDHD
Hi, I have some things I thought were just me being introverted. But recently (and after watching a few videos and contemplating a bit), I thought that they might actually be more social anxiety. I scored really high on some more serious social anxiety quizzes I did online. I thought that's just a personality thing, but it's got me thinking and I'd be happy about some opinions.
I always had big problems with what others might think of me. I grew up with a loving but very judgmental family, which might have added to it. I got made fun of often for behaving "weirdly", of walking weirdly, of sitting "wrong", of having facial tics when I got nervous, of being "too sensitive" when I started crying as soon as someone raised their voice at someone, of being unvoluntarily blunt or rude when I was tired or annoyed. I never had problems with bullying in school, thank god, I think my class had an unusual amount of "weird" people (nerdy people who in retrospect might be NDs), so everyone was more accepting than what I hear from others. I have always been a very shy child, hiding behind everyone, I hated children summer camps and such, both because I was shy as well as because I didn't know how to connect to the other kids and always felt like an outsider. I have not done a lot of things in my life because I didn't want to expose myself to people's reactions (like travelling somewhere unusual when I was younger).
I have spent my life until now constantly worried what people might think of me. I can't handle someone being upset because of something I've done. I'm really nervous when I have an appointment with someone I don't know, or where I don't know what's going to be expected of me. I absolutely hate making phone calls to people I don't know, I would always prefer to write several e-mails to making one phone call. Public speaking and presentations are my nightmare. At such rounds where everyone is supposed to present themselves and "say 3 things about yourself" or something like that, I'll get more flustered the closer it gets to me and I blush the second I'm up. I'd never complain at a restaurant if the food was bad. I hate showing up for the first time at a group where I've never been to, like a new sports class or some club, both because of the people, as well as because I don't know how it's supposed to go and how I'm supposed to behave and I think the others will think I'm weird because of it. Although I love being alone, I hate going alone to a restaurant because I feel so self-conscious.
I don't feel like it really disturbs my life or anything, but it creates quite some baseline anxiety in me. I never considered being socially anxious, I just thought I'm introverted and, well, autistic. But I've come to realize that this constant worrying about what people might think is really neither of those two, but something else. Like, introversion just means that I find being with people draining, and autism means that I find it hard sometimes to understand what people mean, and that I am "too" blunt sometimes (really broken down to basics). And my autistic characteristics have led to frequent experiences of being called weird by my family when I was young. Still, it doesn't explain these feelings.
What do you think? And how do you experience it?
I know, you don't need to label everything. But label actually help me (yay, categorizing...), so yeah.
(Please don't just write that I should "just care less about what other people think". I appreciate it, but I have told myself this about a million times.)
I always had big problems with what others might think of me. I grew up with a loving but very judgmental family, which might have added to it. I got made fun of often for behaving "weirdly", of walking weirdly, of sitting "wrong", of having facial tics when I got nervous, of being "too sensitive" when I started crying as soon as someone raised their voice at someone, of being unvoluntarily blunt or rude when I was tired or annoyed. I never had problems with bullying in school, thank god, I think my class had an unusual amount of "weird" people (nerdy people who in retrospect might be NDs), so everyone was more accepting than what I hear from others. I have always been a very shy child, hiding behind everyone, I hated children summer camps and such, both because I was shy as well as because I didn't know how to connect to the other kids and always felt like an outsider. I have not done a lot of things in my life because I didn't want to expose myself to people's reactions (like travelling somewhere unusual when I was younger).
I have spent my life until now constantly worried what people might think of me. I can't handle someone being upset because of something I've done. I'm really nervous when I have an appointment with someone I don't know, or where I don't know what's going to be expected of me. I absolutely hate making phone calls to people I don't know, I would always prefer to write several e-mails to making one phone call. Public speaking and presentations are my nightmare. At such rounds where everyone is supposed to present themselves and "say 3 things about yourself" or something like that, I'll get more flustered the closer it gets to me and I blush the second I'm up. I'd never complain at a restaurant if the food was bad. I hate showing up for the first time at a group where I've never been to, like a new sports class or some club, both because of the people, as well as because I don't know how it's supposed to go and how I'm supposed to behave and I think the others will think I'm weird because of it. Although I love being alone, I hate going alone to a restaurant because I feel so self-conscious.
I don't feel like it really disturbs my life or anything, but it creates quite some baseline anxiety in me. I never considered being socially anxious, I just thought I'm introverted and, well, autistic. But I've come to realize that this constant worrying about what people might think is really neither of those two, but something else. Like, introversion just means that I find being with people draining, and autism means that I find it hard sometimes to understand what people mean, and that I am "too" blunt sometimes (really broken down to basics). And my autistic characteristics have led to frequent experiences of being called weird by my family when I was young. Still, it doesn't explain these feelings.
What do you think? And how do you experience it?
I know, you don't need to label everything. But label actually help me (yay, categorizing...), so yeah.
(Please don't just write that I should "just care less about what other people think". I appreciate it, but I have told myself this about a million times.)