Isolation

[Starflowerpower87]

I'd like to be more connected to people, but mostly people don't seem to want to connect to me all that much. Could be because I'm not that approachable and I don't talk lol. There was a nice guy at a coffee shop I was at the other day. It almost seemed like he would have been willing to talk to me. We sat table to table all the while drinking our coffee. Then when he was done he got up while humming a happy tune. When he went outside I saw him linger by the window, just standing there as if he was thinking for a while. I was too terrified to strike up a conversation. I wouldn't even begin to know how. Since high school ended ages ago, I've lost the art of making friends it seems. It's much harder now as an adult. For starters I have a hard time trusting people ever since getting involved with the wrong ones. I guess you have to go with what vibes a person gives off. I wish I could just be assigned a friend so I could skip the whole meeting for the first time, process. Or I'd rather someone come over and start the conversation with me to be friends but no one does that anymore with me.

 

[AprilR]

I also wish we could be assigned friends. It is so strange to me how people can easily mingle with each other. Meanwhile i have to watch and observe how people act, build up a persona and always be on my guard in case i say the wrong thing at the wrong time

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I'd like to be more connected to people, but mostly people don't seem to want to connect to me all that much. Could be because I'm not that approachable and I don't talk lol. There was a nice guy at a coffee shop I was at the other day. It almost seemed like he would have been willing to talk to me. We sat table to table all the while drinking our coffee. Then when he was done he got up while humming a happy tune. When he went outside I saw him linger by the window, just standing there as if he was thinking for a while. I was too terrified to strike up a conversation. I wouldn't even begin to know how. Since high school ended ages ago, I've lost the art of making friends it seems. It's much harder now as an adult. For starters I have a hard time trusting people ever since getting involved with the wrong ones. I guess you have to go with what vibes a person gives off. I wish I could just be assigned a friend so I could skip the whole meeting for the first time, process. Or I'd rather someone come over and start the conversation with me to be friends but no one does that anymore with me.

Catch his eye, smile and play with your hair. That really signals that you are approachable. Guys like that. I'd feel very complemented if a woman flirted like that with me, and I'd certainly introduce myself. It is still OK for you to approach and introduce yourself. I'd be flattered and even if she was a little tongue tied after the introduction, I'd gladly direct the conversation. No woman has ever done either with me.

Like you I always had a hard time making connections. I find that retired and with other pressures gone, I like interacting with people. Recently I have been on a site looking for a travel buddy for my next trip. What is very sad is being approached by much younger women who are looking for $$$. i have had platonic friendships in the past and my spouse trusts me. Last was a Thai nurse I met on a COVID info group for professionals. I visited her in Bangkok last year and we had a great time without any hanky panky.

 

[VictorR]

Since high school ended ages ago, I've lost the art of making friends it seems.

I'm not sure I ever even learned the art of making friends to start with, to be honest.

All of the friends I've had over the years were based on some sort of shared interest or commonality.

I wish I could just be assigned a friend so I could skip the whole meeting for the first time, process.

One of the things that first attracted me to the cartoon Futurama was its concept that everyone gets a "career chip" that determines what they'll do in life - the idea that everything is set out for you can be, for those of us struggling to find ourselves, be comforting.

At the same time, that would deprive us of the often meandering paths that we take in life, which may or may not lead us to the best versions of ourselves, and the artistic/poetic side of me finds a certain beauty in seeking the unknown and going on long journeys of exploration and self-exploration.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

i suggest joining a group that meets regularly! when i moved to california from florida, i didnt know anyone. i started attending the church i go to currently (which is also where i work now!) and met friends that first sunday that i still get together with.

i think in groups that meet regularly, its likely that people who are already established attendees will be willing to take the first step for introductions to new people, letting those of us who are not likely to make that step respond rather than initiate.