Issues with responsibility

[LemonBar]

how common is it for special interests to turn into escapism from daily responsibilities, etc

 

[Judge]

He is supposed to have aspergers, but is that normal for asd?

You don't know if he's formally diagnosed, or that he claims to be autistic ?

We can have a very broad range of executive functionality. There's no such thing as "normal" given the amplitude of our traits and behaviors can be found all along the spectrum of autism, apart from considerations like ASD1, ASD2 and ASD3 within the DSM-V guidelines.

And if not autistic, perhaps he just as issues with emotional immaturity and irresponsibility where the answers may lie elsewhere.

 

[LemonBar]

You don't know if he's formally diagnosed, or that he claims to be autistic ?

We can have a very broad range of executive functionality. There's no such thing as "normal" given the amplitude of our traits and behaviors can be found all along the spectrum of autism, apart from considerations like ASD1, ASD2 and ASD3 within the DSM-V guidelines.

And if not autistic, perhaps he just as issues with emotional immaturity and irresponsibility where the answers may lie elsewhere.

He is diagnosed as ASD, I just wondered it he possibly was further along than I thought.

 

[Judge]

He is diagnosed as ASD, I just wondered it he possibly was further along than I thought.

What level? 1, 2 or 3 ? Does he have any comorbid conditions along with his autism?

 

[LemonBar]

What level? 1, 2 or 3 ? Does he have any comorbid conditions along with his autism?

I have not seen that information, just that he knew he had it since childhood and was diagnosed then.

 

[Rodafina]

He is diagnosed as ASD, I just wondered it he possibly was further along than I thought.

Your terminology of "further along" demonstrates the opportunity for you to learn more about the autism spectrum. Perhaps you can do that here if you have time for reading. A huge variety of people with ASD have shared their experiences here and as such we are a rich resource of information for you to learn from.

Could you specify what you are hoping to get from this forum?

 

[Judge]

I have not seen that information, just that he knew he had it since childhood and was diagnosed then

Stands to reason, given he was diagnosed far earlier than May of 2013 when the DSM-IV protocols pertained to Asperger's Syndrome only. No level 1,2 or 3 considerations to evaluate at all. All which serve as benchmarks relative to independent living, or partial or complete reliance on outside support.

Usually inappropriate interests and behaviors are indicative of younger autistic persons...not established adults with presumably ASD1. Though where he actually is on the spectrum might answer some of this. What remains problematic is that as a child prior to 2013, anyone diagnosed under the DSM-IV for Aspergers Syndrome would be subject to some different protocols.

What I have to wonder is that for someone formally diagnose long ago, that considerations of whether or not your husband was ever technically capable of independent living is unknown. Where his traits and behaviors have been constant even since his childhood. All enabled by his spouse who perhaps on her own makes a nice living. Enough for the two of you, which works for him- but not you.

Sounds grim, but then he sounds grim as an adult whose emotional maturity may have never advanced with age or independent living. Under such circumstances it may be worthwhile getting him to be professionally reevaluated to current neurological standards to see where you really stand in terms of his ability to pull his own weight as your spouse.

Otherwise it's quite possible that you don't know who you're truly dealing with neurologically speaking. I mean, what medical professional would evaluate the emotional maturity of a child in terms of negotiating some very adult executive functioning? -It never happened.

 

[MNAus]

As mentioned, there's no such thing as a typical ASDer. Also, not everything in our behaviour is about autism, so it can be too easy sometimes to take what is just poor behaviour and excuse it as ASD. But also vice versa, or course. So, that's enough pinches of salt for what follows.

Personally I have two experiences that might be relevant. First, I tend to problem solve. That means if someone I care for says something like "we need to get away from here" that is what will happen. Obviously I'm not naive to throw-away comments, but if someone seems to have genuine want of something, I usually make it happen. Perhaps the comment on the move came from this direction. It might not have been you, but perhaps someone managed to trigger this as something that needs to be solved?

Second, some people with ASD have PDA. Now I'm as sceptical as the next guy about all these 3 letter initialisations and acronyms that everyone seems to have, but this one does hold water. Some people struggle with the sensation of obligation. The feeling that they should be doing something is just repellent. And that can be down to things like "you should brush your teeth": it feels like sandpaper to the brain. It's a possibility.

But it's also equally possible that he's never needed to be responsible, that someone has always bailed him out, and as a result he feels absolutely zero compunction to do a damned thing because, well, why should he? That's someone else's job, surely?

I think I'd also point out a couple of things. You're not obliged to overstep your boundaries because someone has ASD. You're allowed to think "these things I will compromise on, these things I will not". You have a life too. And second, ASD is not carte blanche. We are also able to compromise too, and should. It comes at energy cost, but that is true for anyone. So my instincts, with little actually knowledge of your situation (take note of that) is that you need to work out how you can meet in the middle on this.

 

[Rodafina]

how common is it for special interests to turn into escapism from daily responsibilities, etc

Thank you for clarifying your original post. When you ask a direct question, you are more likely to get a useful answer.

You may find this informative.

What are Special Interests in Autism?​

Special interests in autism refer to the passionate and often intense focus that individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have on specific topics, activities, or items. This intense focus can vary greatly among individuals and can encompass a wide range of subjects, including but not limited to animals, technology, specific TV shows, schedules, or even more niche topics.


These special interests can typically provide comfort, joy, and a way to engage with the world for autistic individuals. Furthermore, they often serve as an important means of self-expression and communication. In some cases, these interests can help an autistic individual to pursue a career or academic path. However, it’s important to note that while these special interests can be a strength, they can also become a challenge if they result in exclusion or distractions of other necessary activities or interactions.

And this:

How Special Interests Benefit Autistic Individuals​

Special interests can significantly benefit autistic individuals in various ways, acting as a bridge to learning, self-expression, and social engagement. The intense focus on a specific subject can serve as a powerful motivator for learning, often leading to impressive knowledge and skill in the area of interest. This can translate into academic or career success if the interest aligns with a particular field of study or job. It gives them an individualistic quality as well as a topic that brings positivity and motivation into their lives.


Moreover, special interests can offer emotional comfort and stress relief, providing a sanctuary of predictability and control in a world that can sometimes feel overwhelming due to sensory or social challenges. In terms of social benefits, sharing their passion can enable autistic individuals to engage in conversations and form connections with others who have similar interests, thereby fostering social interaction and communication skills. The positivity and self-esteem derived from the mastery and enjoyment of their special interests can also greatly enhance their overall well-being.

https://hereonthespectrum.com/what-is-a-special-interest-autism/

 

[Au Naturel]

There is a concept of pathological demand avoidance. (PDA) It might be what you are getting at.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/demand-avoidance
And, of course, other people will happily make no end of putting unreasonable demands on you and insisting that you do what they want rather than what you want. If you don't do what they want, they accuse you of PDA when they are just trying to take advantage of you. It is easier than doing the work themself and/or cheaper than hiring it out. Not your job to spend your time to make others happy. Smile and politely just say no.

People who have contractual or legal authority to give you orders are different. That's called work. But even there, the law and your contract set limits.

Anything one enjoys can be a form of escapism if regular life isn't rewarding. All recreation and most socialization is a form of escapism, but the timing matters. There's nothing wrong with escapism as long as it doesn't interfere with things like eating, sleeping, paying the bills, and fulfilling obligations to significant others. The main problem is when it prevents you from making a living or passing classes, puts an existing job/career at risk, or prevents you from doing things to make your life better.

I worked many scummy jobs but managed to keep my special interests out of them - at least enough that they didn't interfere.

The happiest person is someone who is able to turn a special interest into a career. That little switch turns "escapist" behavior into highly productive behavior.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

how common is it for special interests to turn into escapism from daily responsibilities, etc

Responsibilities are hard but sometimes I enjoy the challenge but sometimes maybe big thing no
I like escapism but then I hate it, some aspects are fun and some are not.
It is a love and hate relationship
I just like normal