“It’s just a joke”

[Owliet]

“It’s was a/is a joke!”

I hear this so often and I am getting a little annoyed by it because I feel like it masks a different intention. I may have a different sense of humor, of what I find funny and what I don’t. I don’t like jokes at my expense or making barbed comments towards me. I don’t know how to read that or respond, and will get upset and anxious that it may be true.

The latest one happened this morning. A few more colleagues are off work because they’ve tested positive. I entered the break room to the comment that I’m patient zero and it must be my plan because everyone is dropping. Then, because I didn’t say anything I got “it’s a joke”. Perhaps it is meant like that but I didn’t initially get the full context as they were already talking before turning to me to say it. I’m perhaps feeling sensitive anyway because I do still feel heavily fatigued (I’m at home again to rest now that I’ve finished for the day) but I feel like it was extremely insensitive to even joke like that. I’m not selfish enough to go in when sick or even in the still infectious stage. I was obviously worried about it because even if it’s a “joke”, what if it was thought like that by others. In my experience, people do do this type of thing to hide their actual intent. I was so worried about it that I spoke to a different colleague who reassured me but I’m obviously bothered by it if I’m still mulling over it.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Saying "it's a joke" doesn't give someone carte blanche to act like a fool. Sometimes I find people do it after rather spiteful or malicious behaviour.

This also reminded me of a line from GoT which has a similar flavour to it:

"You know, my brother once told me that nothing someone says before the word "but" really counts."

Ed

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I used to think that a bon mot at my expense was an attack on me, I would get defensive or attack. I could never think quickly enough to defuse it.

 

[Tom]

One way I use to figure out if a person is being malicious or just in fact joking is to look at the joker's behavior in general. If they are indiscriminate, that is joke frequently about everyone then it is likely just that, a joke, and benign. It's best not to react negatively in that case. If they only joke about you then there is a problem.

 

[Jordy]

its never just a joke.

 

[Forest Cat]

I think what happened to you is very common in the workplace. People will make stupid comments and jokes but the thing is, that can actually be a way of becoming part of a group. If you just laugh about it and get in on the joke, people usually respond in a positive way.

So my advice is to laugh, even if it seems stupid. It could make it easier to get along with people, they could be more friendly towards you later.

 

[Forest Cat]

its never just a joke.

In the workplace, people will often joke around like that. It's very common I think. It's just a human thing, one of those things people do. The trick is to not become upset and just let it bounce off you. Like water off a duck's back.

 

[Owliet]

I could never think quickly enough to defuse it.

I wasn’t able to think quickly enough really to understand what was fully happening and was processing it all during and after.

One way I use to figure out if a person is being malicious or just in fact joking is to look at the joker's behavior in general. If they are indiscriminate, that is joke frequently about everyone then it is likely just that, a joke, and benign. It's best not to react negatively in that case. If they only joke about you then there is a problem.

In the workplace, people will often joke around like that. It's very common I think. It's just a human thing, one of those things people do. The trick is to not become upset and just let it bounce off you. Like water off a duck's back.

I understand that I probably should have just laughed it off but I walked into a conversation that I didn’t know really what was about, it went silent and then had two of them make the “joke”. And with so many out already, it felt like a blame, and i honestly don’t need that feeling like I’m a pariah when I am also feeling pretty vulnerable. It says a lot that the kids are lovely, helpful and thoughtful young beings. But I’m not holding grudges, I know it’s my fault that I can’t take jokes like that. I just need to get over it and stop analyzing it.

 

[Suzette]

I think what happened to you is very common in the workplace. People will make stupid comments and jokes but the thing is, that can actually be a way of becoming part of a group. If you just laugh about it and get in on the joke, people usually respond in a positive way.

So my advice is to laugh, even if it seems stupid. It could make it easier to get along with people, they could be more friendly towards you later.

This is true too! It seems as though some people weed out others by teasing. No, of couse that isn't a kind thing to do. But I don't think it is malicious either. It just human nature to try to figure out who is like minded as efficiently as possible.

Don't take it personally in this case. Humans often have one foot in the grave and one foot in their mouths! (I just made that one up. It just means humans are foolish)

 

[Atrapa Almas]

It happens a lot and not only with the "It was just a joke thing". NT will dodge responsabilities in the form of jokes, excuses, changing the subjet of the conversation... There are many ways and they master them all.

In order to know if It was a joke or not one trick is to pay attention to the group behavour.

• If it was really a joke the group will stop laughing once they notice it was not funny for you. That is because the objetive of a real joke is ti have fun toguether.
• If it was not a joke, the group will be laughing at you. So they will not stop and the "Its just a joke" will become the next joke at your expense so they will laught at you again.

About what to do with this situations I can think of 3 ways to adress this.

• If you definetly cant handle jokes and the group has good hearted human beings, I would consider explaining them the situation. Maybe with the company of a Human Resources responsible and your direct boss. Something like: "I have problems understanding jokes and I may feel that I am being made fun when you joke about me. I ask you to dont do it again, since It hurts me".
• If you cant handle jokes and you have no support in your company enviroment and those guys are bullys. I would ignore and avoid them complitely, this may work temporally so I would start to find another job in a more inclussive company.
• If you can handle jokes, one thing that worl for me is to go along with the joke, instead of refusing it. Somehow involving the joker or his family. Let me put some examples:
  • Joker: Hey Atrapa Almas, you look so gay. (The group laughs)
  • Me: Yeah, im so gay but please dont tell anyone. Its a secret betwen your father and me. (And the group will laught at him).
  • Joker: Hey Atrapa Almas, you must be spreading the virus. (People laugh)
  • Me: Yeah, Im ashamed because it didnt work on you. I will have to poison your food next time. (Here they will say it was a joke and you can answer the same, letting them wonderinf if it was a joke or not...No NT wants to be hated)

Not sure if this helps, but that is what I can think about this difficult subjet. It not always work for me either and its hard and hurts.

I also understand that many of you may refuse to become agressors to stop being the victim, In my case I have no problem doing that and will hurt bullys so the go away and find easier targets.

 

[Owliet]

Yeah I understand, you were put on the spot, it was unexpected. But I think it's important to remember that it's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. It's not a fault that you didn't take the joke, it's just something that happens sometimes. If anything, they could have been more considerate. But the world is flawed and people do silly things. Just remember that you didn't do anything wrong and they started it. You were sort of forced into it.

I also understand that many of you may refuse to become agressors to stop being the victim, In my case I have no problem doing that and will hurt bullys so the go away and find easier targets.

I must have obviously reacted in some way that conveyed upset because it was the emphasis on “it was a joke.” I know that it is possible and if it was any other moment of joking and if I felt well enough to respond, I probably would have given an automatic and left but my worry is that they were blaming me for this outbreak among the staff without really considering that the kids and other staff members had had it before, that I just got it strongly. My mom doesn’t think it was a big deal and said to not waste energy thinking about it but I think that I just want to get back into it. And of course I felt like I was being blamed even if it wasn’t the intent...it’s hard at times to determine what is a joke in this form.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Thinking about it may prove usefull if It helps you to improve somehow or learn something. Just try dont sink into sadness, that may lead to depression.

We were given different cards to play life's game. If you are allready doing your best with the cards you was given, thats all you can do and shoud be compasionate with yourself.

*Virtual Hugs*

 

[GafferGragz]

Humour/irony is a way to defuse any situation between humans. I struggle a lot to understand these things myself, still I instinctively use it.
Any tiny group that talk before you enter and greets you with this may be an invite to join in on the issue of the joke and the today situation!? Ofc if the person joking is know to you to be 'bad' then the situation is different.

 

[Forest Cat]

I must have obviously reacted in some way that conveyed upset because it was the emphasis on “it was a joke.” I know that it is possible and if it was any other moment of joking and if I felt well enough to respond, I probably would have given an automatic and left but my worry is that they were blaming me for this outbreak among the staff without really considering that the kids and other staff members had had it before, that I just got it strongly. My mom doesn’t think it was a big deal and said to not waste energy thinking about it but I think that I just want to get back into it. And of course I felt like I was being blamed even if it wasn’t the intent...it’s hard at times to determine what is a joke in this form.

There is one thing about your story that I think is a little wrong. Or your colleagues did something wrong. You have been sick with covid. And you were pretty sick and you are still feeling the effects of it. They know that, so a joke about you and covid is bad taste. I would not have joked about that. Being sick with covid is not something to joke about, it's serious. So I don't think it should bother you, it should really bother them.

And didn't you get it from kids at school? You didn't start anything. I think you should look at it like this, they made a joke that was a little out of line and bad taste. And you did nothing wrong. But I do know how it is to not be able to stop thinking about things and blaming yourself, I hope you are able to forget it soon, it really isn't right that you have to deal with it because they made a mistake, not you. Best of luck to you with everything

 

[Kalinychta]

I would be upset, too, Owliet. What a tasteless, cruel “joke.” It’s your plan to intentionally spread a potentially life-threatening illness to other people after having just recovered from it yourself? Well, you should have looked him straight in the eye and said: “You’re next.” How’s that for a joke?

 

[GafferGragz]

Humour/irony is a way to defuse any situation between humans. I struggle a lot to understand these things myself, still I instinctively use it.
Any tiny group that talk before you enter and greets you with this may be an invite to join in on the issue of the joke and the today situation!? Ofc if the person joking is know to you to be 'bad' then the situation is different

I would like to add: look at what people do, not only what they say.

 

[Jordy]

In the workplace, people will often joke around like that. It's very common I think. It's just a human thing, one of those things people do. The trick is to not become upset and just let it bounce off you. Like water off a duck's back.

except some people are never joked about and others always. People just like hurting others for fun, it's what happens.

 

[Owliet]

There is one thing about your story that I think is a little wrong. Or your colleagues did something wrong. You have been sick with covid. And you were pretty sick and you are still feeling the effects of it. They know that, so a joke about you and covid is bad taste. I would not have joked about that. Being sick with covid is not something to joke about, it's serious. So I don't think it should bother you, it should really bother them.

And didn't you get it from kids at school? You didn't start anything. I think you should look at it like this, they made a joke that was a little out of line and bad taste. And you did nothing wrong. But I do know how it is to not be able to stop thinking about things and blaming yourself, I hope you are able to forget it soon, it really isn't right that you have to deal with it because they made a mistake, not you. Best of luck to you with everything

my mom called it putting his foot in his mouth and I shouldn’t be upset about it. But four are out now, and the others were talking about it. I even had one tell me to stay away from them because I’m still infected...I’m not, then they changed it to say that they may be infected and I can’t have it again. My reassurance from my colleague was honest and helpful and understanding. I also had the same from three others because I think they realized that I was upset about it or that it was in poor form. I honestly wouldn’t be around anyone if I’m still infected. I at least follow the rules from the federal government, gemeinde and took several tests that were all negative before going back. And there’s no way I’d be around my mom who’s extremely vulnerable. So to even have that passed as a joke, To imply that I’m selfish...I’m not selfish like some of them. I made well sure that I was ok and safe before going back in and I’m recovering from the Normal things *like extremely fatigued and lack of hunger. Because it did hit me hard and I still worked through it because they didn’t really a give me that chance to fully recover in peace.

sorry that turned into a bit of a rant.i have zero social life. It’s funny that since they lifted the mandate and in the school that covid is going through everyone. And this case, I wish people would not make these types of jokes. I can’t really challenge about it now, otherwise it makes it seem like I’m giving it too much thought (which I am, I know ), but I also feel very isolated at the moment. Whether it’s their intent or not. And of course being tired, makes it more difficult to react to situations like this.

What’s interesting is that the kids have been absolutely lovely, supportive and kind. Even their jokes are more “you look like a zombie “ rather than anything else. It says a lot.

 

[Owliet]

I would be upset, too, Owliet. What a tasteless, cruel “joke.” It’s your plan to intentionally spread a potentially life-threatening illness to other people after having just recovered from it yourself? Well, you should have looked him straight in the eye and said: “You’re next.” How’s that for a joke?

Yeah, I just felt very upset about it and didn’t really know how to process it. I know that some of them treat it as a joke but it’s really not. There was a death already at the school from it, it’s not a laughing matter. I don’t mind the “you look like a zombies “ jokes from the kids because they’re right and it was meant in a kind observation way *and that comment was from one student who is on the spectrum * to just convey understanding and empathy but this....yes, it is not really funny especially when they know that I am still recovering from the muscle fatigue.

 

[Forest Cat]

my mom called it putting his foot in his mouth and I shouldn’t be upset about it. But four are out now, and the others were talking about it. I even had one tell me to stay away from them because I’m still infected...I’m not, then they changed it to say that they may be infected and I can’t have it again. My reassurance from my colleague was honest and helpful and understanding. I also had the same from three others because I think they realized that I was upset about it or that it was in poor form. I honestly wouldn’t be around anyone if I’m still infected. I at least follow the rules from the federal government, gemeinde and took several tests that were all negative before going back. And there’s no way I’d be around my mom who’s extremely vulnerable. So to even have that passed as a joke, To imply that I’m selfish...I’m not selfish like some of them. I made well sure that I was ok and safe before going back in and I’m recovering from the Normal things *like extremely fatigued and lack of hunger. Because it did hit me hard and I still worked through it because they didn’t really a give me that chance to fully recover in peace.

sorry that turned into a bit of a rant.i have zero social life. It’s funny that since they lifted the mandate and in the school that covid is going through everyone. And this case, I wish people would not make these types of jokes. I can’t really challenge about it now, otherwise it makes it seem like I’m giving it too much thought (which I am, I know ), but I also feel very isolated at the moment. Whether it’s their intent or not. And of course being tired, makes it more difficult to react to situations like this.

What’s interesting is that the kids have been absolutely lovely, supportive and kind. Even their jokes are more “you look like a zombie “ rather than anything else. It says a lot.

I agree with your mom, foot in mouth. It was one of those comments people make without thinking. And those people talking about it and telling you to stay away, that's just silly, they were wrong. It sounds like you have done everything you could to prevent making people sick. The more I think about it, the more wrong it seems. Jokes in the workplace happens but you have been sick, your health was on the line. So that guy shoved both his feet into his mouth. He made a stupid comment, you shouldn't feel bad. I think you should focus a little on resting and eating and such, you`re still not completely done with it. Don't wear yourself out.