It's Over

[Raggamuffin]

A client we care for has really been struggling of late - not long left.

To see someone decline, in pain, confusion and awash with anxiety is hard. I've been riding through with a calmness that belies my decades with anxiety. Yesterday they could barely walk - multiple ambulance visits. Over 2 days I had many encounters with new people. I actually thrived in all the new situations and socialising.

Last night the client was in so much pain, mess and confusion. I've seen this decline over 5 months or so. Whilst they have a short temper - they are a good soul. Last night was tough though. Whilst I remained calm - for a few moments there I thought I might cry. Helping them off the loo, clean them up. Walk them to their bedroom. I sat on their bed - reassuring them, as they writhed, and gagged, and pleaded I not to leave them. I had a feeling in my gut that the nurse would arrive on my last visit - and they were there. They had administered meds to help them sleep. Today - it might be their last.

The other carer who does this area is struggling. This is a difficult time. I work their round tomorrow - 15 hour day. I do this 3 times a week. Anyway - on my lunch break I said let's get a coffee. We can chat, connect, and hopefully both process these things.

Action in working lots is helping keep my brain ache from being realised - and now I have the afternoon off...

I'm a people pleaser - but helping others doesn't ever really fill the void within; and when it calls out to me - I just burst into tears.

Truth be told - working as a carer continues to put my own struggles into perspective. I'm growing more as a person, but a recent breakup has highlighted just how much further I need to heal.

A lot has been happening recently - and I've not cried yet; which is fine. I think it will happen soon though, and that's fine too.

In a work meeting they did intros for the staff for all the newcomers. When the boss got to me they said:

I always go the extra mile, that all the clients I've worked for love me, and that any client who gets to be cared for by me is extremely lucky.

Ed

 

[Mary Terry]

You are doing a very hard job, Ed. I have taken care of elderly relatives in their homes, and it is heartbreaking to watch their decline and despair. Please take care your own mental health so you can be there for your patients. You are appreciated!

 

[Aspychata]

I worked awhile in retirement home. It was difficult. Some people really struggle, others flourished. But falls were horrible, a broken hip, a broken wrist, advancing dementia, children who never visit, struggles chewing food. Quality of life just ups and dissappears on you. I cleaned a lady's cat litter box, because it wasn't clear if staff was or wasn't responsible in cleaning it. You pay upwards of 7000 dollars a month in the US for retirement home living, and yet no compassion for your cat buddies. Another client's dog was allergic to the cleaning products used in the rug or products used on the grass and had lost a lot of it's doggie hair.
Great job you are doing, giving quality of care to those circling around the forever airport of no more flights.

 

[Judge]

Taking care of my mother in her last years as her caregiver. Yes, a very difficult thing to do. Made worse when you are close to them and are always there...allowing on occasion to miss or deny a number of their issues that may require even more care.

In essence I wasn't able to adequately process my mother's dementia any more than a girlfriend's alcoholism.

Very frustrating, but I'd do it again if necessary. It means all that more to me in my old age, when I know there will not be anyone here for me when I need it.

 

[Aspychata]

@Judge , great point. I am back with someone now who is dealing with aging, and needs support. It's two people going thru aging together then just on your own.

 

[Judge]

@Judge , great point. I am back with someone now who is dealing with aging, and needs support. It's two people going thru aging together then just on your own.

Indeed. I don't mind saying it is a little scary to be alone past a certain age.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Woke up at 3am.

Can't sleep. Kept dreaming about the client. Got a feeling they'll pass away today, of they haven't already.

Got 2 days off after today.

I'm going to get up now, have a big coffee and a smoke.

Ed

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Good work, Raggamuffin. For some of us, it is a calling. Looks like you might be one.

 

[Raggamuffin]

He's still going, but it won't be long now.

On each visit on Monday I was tearful. On this mornings visit I was ok.

I'm here the next 3 days. I'd be very surprised if he hasn't passed before then.

We shall see. Its difficult, but this job continues to put my struggles into perspective.

Ed

 

[Raggamuffin]

"Thank you for being a good friend."
Client said to me last night.

Played some Jim Reeves - their favourite artist. They sang along briefly to this song as I held their hand last night.

It made me cry.

Ed

 

[Rodafina]

Remember to find and lean on some of your own supports, Ed. Caring for someone through their last days and into death with as much love as you are offering can take its toll in surprising ways. You are giving this person and yourself a precious gift with the care you offer to them. Just be sure to care for yourself afterward, as well. Blessings on you both.

 

[Alexej]

well done for caring
May your supply of care be refilled soon,

Hope you have some good days off - enjoy and look after yourself

 

[Raggamuffin]

My desire for comfort eating is very bad.

Craving sugar and chocolate like mad. But I'm trying to be good and refrain from it. That is making me feel quote tetchy.

Ed

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

The space between breaths is sacred. Thw space between life and death. Cherish that space.