Okay, gonna respond to some of the things you've said here:
Ya know, there's an old saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". This may sound cliche, but in my experience, it's 100% true. Here's the thing: What makes you think that following in their footsteps will actually be any better, or even any good at all? The problem with looking at things this way is you're only seeing the IDEA of the positive aspects of these activities. Positive aspects that, very often, dont actually appear. I've had experience with this one myself (as have many others on this site). Let's say, the idea of going out to "social" places, for instance. Never quite what it's cracked up to be. Apparently, being "social" actually just means "drinking and making an idiot of yourself" in the NT world. Seriously, that's the ONLY thing I ever see people doing at most social events. I tired of it IMMEDIATELY. I cant even be around people that do that because it's THAT bloody annoying. And I never drink myself, as I dont see any reason to consume what is effectively a potion of stupidity. And another similar aspect is the idea of making "lots of friends". Yeah, this often isnt what it seems to be. For whatever reason, ALOT of friendships are... fake, to put it simply. The sorts of things you see in social media. People hang around one another not because they genuinely like or care about each other, but because doing so lets them fit in. More specifically, lets them fit in to a group of people they may not even like (because THAT is totally logical and sensible). If you pay attention, you can outright watch people doing this.
Yea, i get that. I don't like going out drinking much anyway. Much more prefer to stay at home and play games. Though i won't deny that i enjoy a nice beer or whiskey once in awhile. I don't need a lot of friends. Never have. i just want that one that is always there, pays attention to you, and you can form a connection that's more than just skin deep. Sadly, adult friendships are so much more different to childhood friendships. Adults have their own stuff going on, and can't make as much time for you as they once did. I guess this is why i'm in search of a life partner, maybe they'll help fill that gap.
And then there's work. Work is a practical thing, and nothing more. If you NEED the money? Well, that's when you work. If you dont NEED the money? I can tell you: that's when it's a waste of bloody time. Society says that working is the only way to contribute anything, but that's a load of horse apples if I ever heard it. I dunno about you, but I dont think working as a Walmart greeter or cashier is "contributing". Hell, a freaking machine usually does the job better. There are other ways to contribute and do stuff. For example, taking up a creative hobby. Make art, compose music, make funny videos for people to watch... these are all things that can make someone's day better, and isnt that worth it? The point is: If you want to contribute, that's fine, but there's sooooooooo many more (and often outright better) ways of doing it than working some menial job. The fact that most people dont realize this is THEIR problem... not yours. I dont work myself... I dont need the money. Instead, since I'm into gaming and development, I tend to volunteer to help out indie devs in testing and such. And I tell you, it's WAY more rewarding than any proper "job" I've ever had (back when I did used to work).
I totally agree... you know the 40 hour work week was an idea implemented by ford to "coax" people into buying their cars. lol I don't need money, i just hate it when i go out with friends and they keep offering me drinks, when i know i can't pay for it myself.
Here's the thing though: Why would it make you feel more useless? I know this might sound silly, but I often tend to look at this trait as being a sign of someone having a creative mind. Someone like that just doesnt sit well with repeated, scheduled crap. They want to DO things. DIFFERENT things. Alot of it serves as some form of exploration, something most people dont do NEARLY enough of. Someone like that wants real variety in their life. Notice how so very, very many people end up with depression? Well, that's one reason why: Because they get stuck in a rut. The same bloody thing, with no real variance or progression... It's not a healthy thing, but because our idiot society says "it's what you do", well... they freaking do it. Dont just follow the herd. Be yourself instead.
I feel useless, because it feels like I'm unable to stick to something. I am creatively oriented: play music, compose music (at least i used to), build ideas for games, books, and some times i dabble in art.
I'll be honest here: The motorcycle itself is probably an enormous part of the problem. I look at a motorcycle as one thing: anxiety on wheels. You're riding around in a device that provides literally ZERO protection! None at all! Hell, it could just outright fall over! OF COURSE it's scary! And frankly, foolish! I'm not going to even try to be polite about that one: I genuinely think it's one of the dumbest inventions anyone has ever come up with. Those things cant take an impact... at all. Now, me? I've been in crashes before. One great example of what I'm saying here is an incident I had during highschool. I had this ancient but outright tanky mass of a car, and I was driving home from school. Sitting at a stoplight, and suddenly *WHAM*!!! Followed immediately by a second impact.... I'd been sandwiched between two vehicles. My car, however, being a freaking tank, was outright undamaged (and that car had been specifically chosen BECAUSE it was so tanky). I was unharmed. But if I'd been on a motorcycle? I shudder to think at what the results of THAT would have been. There's no way I would have avoided SERIOUS harm in one of those things. I've been in a couple of other accidents since them (always because of ice, which taught me... just dont drive on ice) and again, was never harmed. But that's because a safe, hardy vehicle was being used.
haha my response to "you can fall off a bike" is that that is the reason we ride them in the first place. it adds a different element to commuting. Plus, you don't get held up in traffic because you can just whizz between the cars, unless they're idiots that take up the whole road.
I understand that driving can be scary, and there's good reason to be cautious. But honestly, if you're driving a vehicle meant to actually be safe... you dont have much to worry about, as long as you're careful and actually follow the rules (many, MANY accidents are caused by NOT following them). Particularly if you take certain precautions (such as driving only on roads that are safe, and avoiding roads that are a mess), you're gonna be fine. I would honestly suggest considering giving it another try at some point... just not on a bloody bike.
It's not just the driving. i've failed my exams 3 times now, and not because of bad driving. Because i get so anxious, everything i know just flies out the window. though, after seeing my therapist today, shaving my beard off and working a step at a time to sort myself out, I'm going to try and get my license again. just my drivers, not a bike license. Sold my bike to my step dad lol to bring in a bit of cash each month while he pays it off.
This brings up one other thing I want to point out: Your attitude. You're looking at this in a defeatist way. I cant do this, I cant handle that, I cant win... that sort of outlook is just going to screw you over, and it will never, ever stop until you change that. ALL of these issues you've mentioned in this post? They're ALL affected by this. Every one of them.
It's not just that, I was diagnosed with PDA as well. so that kicks in and it just gets a bit too much. I really want to overcome it, i just don't know how. I even try planning my game out in detail on paper before I work on a prototype. Until i get stuck, my head goes blank, I get anxious, nervous and panicky, and all that just overwhelms me.
