So my friend group decided to go to the swimming pool often and they especially like jacuzzi. I have an issue with that. A very big issue. I'm not sure how to communicate it to friends and even how to deal with it. I'm going to probably have a panic attack when we go there again. But I don't want to be left out trying to avoid panic attacks.
If I can be honest with you, which I hope I can, because everyone here is on the autism spectrum, we sat in the jacuzzi, which was okay while we were there, but right now I get a borderline panic attack when thinking about going to the swimming pool again. I'm generally speaking a good swimmer, I swim alone a few times a week and long distances. No issue with that. I'm especially put off by the water flow, the bubbles in the jacuzzi and the heat. Everything. It's just... it's too much. I don't know why they enjoy it. Why "fun" has to mean "extreme sensations". I used to enjoy jacuzzi when I was in elementary school, I suspect that the aspect of being there with people who I don't know very well and don't know what to expect from them (generally, not that they would do anything weird in the jacuzzi, that I know they won't) makes it worse. It puts me in a more alerted state.
So now there are a few options:
- I will refuse going to the swimming pool, possibly they're going to think I don't like them, possibly I won't get the opportunity to develop the friendships and I will be left out
- I will go and will get a panic attack
- they will be understanding and helpful
- or not, which will be devastating
- in both cases they might end up not liking me, because for whatever reason people don't believe that my panic attacks are in fact panic attacks even if I tell them what they are: whatever I do is wrong, I leave and come back when I calm down - I'm punishing them and I'm being excessively angry (at them [sic!]) for no reason, I stay - I'm looking for attention. I'm not sure why people don't see that it's a mental health issue that has nothing to do with them even when I tell them. I'm not sure if adding "I have autism and this is a meltdown due to sensory issues" to the explanation is going to help or not. I feel at a loss. Maybe the way I explain things is wrong? I apparently come across as rude when something like that happens, because I have a hard time talking and other people are resistant to explanations about it.
I can tell them that I don't like jacuzzi and go, but I might get nervous and even have a panic attack regardless and they're not going to get it. But I have to try to explain, because there is a chance that someone would change their mind and would be willing to be supportive if I explain. But the kind of support I would want would be just not leaving me and not taking it personally, I can calm down myself, but it's going to take time and I might not be able to participate, for example to track conversations. Talking about it, I'm not sure if it helps, rather not, it's nice that someone is trying to help, but I don't want to attract attention, I don't want to damage the meeting for others, especially if there is no benefit for me from the talking.
Maybe all of what I'm telling you sounds very typical for someone on the autism spectrum. I don't know. This type of problems is reoccurring for me, because people seem to like to socialize in ways that involve some kind of sensory overwhelm(?) and I feel either left out or get hated on for having a problem with that. Maybe you have insight how to deal with this situation?
If I can be honest with you, which I hope I can, because everyone here is on the autism spectrum, we sat in the jacuzzi, which was okay while we were there, but right now I get a borderline panic attack when thinking about going to the swimming pool again. I'm generally speaking a good swimmer, I swim alone a few times a week and long distances. No issue with that. I'm especially put off by the water flow, the bubbles in the jacuzzi and the heat. Everything. It's just... it's too much. I don't know why they enjoy it. Why "fun" has to mean "extreme sensations". I used to enjoy jacuzzi when I was in elementary school, I suspect that the aspect of being there with people who I don't know very well and don't know what to expect from them (generally, not that they would do anything weird in the jacuzzi, that I know they won't) makes it worse. It puts me in a more alerted state.
So now there are a few options:
- I will refuse going to the swimming pool, possibly they're going to think I don't like them, possibly I won't get the opportunity to develop the friendships and I will be left out
- I will go and will get a panic attack
- they will be understanding and helpful
- or not, which will be devastating
- in both cases they might end up not liking me, because for whatever reason people don't believe that my panic attacks are in fact panic attacks even if I tell them what they are: whatever I do is wrong, I leave and come back when I calm down - I'm punishing them and I'm being excessively angry (at them [sic!]) for no reason, I stay - I'm looking for attention. I'm not sure why people don't see that it's a mental health issue that has nothing to do with them even when I tell them. I'm not sure if adding "I have autism and this is a meltdown due to sensory issues" to the explanation is going to help or not. I feel at a loss. Maybe the way I explain things is wrong? I apparently come across as rude when something like that happens, because I have a hard time talking and other people are resistant to explanations about it.
I can tell them that I don't like jacuzzi and go, but I might get nervous and even have a panic attack regardless and they're not going to get it. But I have to try to explain, because there is a chance that someone would change their mind and would be willing to be supportive if I explain. But the kind of support I would want would be just not leaving me and not taking it personally, I can calm down myself, but it's going to take time and I might not be able to participate, for example to track conversations. Talking about it, I'm not sure if it helps, rather not, it's nice that someone is trying to help, but I don't want to attract attention, I don't want to damage the meeting for others, especially if there is no benefit for me from the talking.
Maybe all of what I'm telling you sounds very typical for someone on the autism spectrum. I don't know. This type of problems is reoccurring for me, because people seem to like to socialize in ways that involve some kind of sensory overwhelm(?) and I feel either left out or get hated on for having a problem with that. Maybe you have insight how to deal with this situation?
