job coach quits on me, and i have to apologise?

[Cryght]

I have aspergers.. the DHS managed to get me a job coach finally and the job coach was a woman around my age or looked a bit older. my first day to have a appointment with the coach i was taken to the office area sat in a chair, while she looked to make a snag-ajob account for me.... inwhich i have a account tied to my ssn so i cant have a second account. the meeting didnt last long the signing papers then having to get a folder of info for my mom to fill out, since i dont know my medical history stuff.. well on way back from job place i try to make up conversation and topic got brought to types of jobs i'd do, so i talked about all jobs i know of and what my friends i have chatted with online talked of. from anything from what some say about steakhouse, to gamestop to even a dungeon. since it was a convo so nothing bad right? X.x the next appointment time for me i got dressed waited for job coach found out she canceled... then she sent my mom a message saying i was being "Sexual, and talking about sex chat rooms, and working as a "master at a dungeon" I only spoken about the Dungeon from before since i had recalled a friend who lives in that alternative lifestyle said that those places hire ppl for different things. and from talking to my friend she even told me it is not a "abusive enviroment" i had to research a bit to find out theres no sex in such thing. because that would be illegal. but because the job coach looked at the alternative ppl's lifestyle 1 way like my mom.. i got yelled at and told that i need to apologise to the job coach girl for making her uncofmortable...

do i apologise? Also Do I from now on not talk to others offline... since i talk i get told to shut up basically. i am not immature, i know i ramble, but i keep my topics to my perspective pg.

i dont know what to do.. i want a job. but how do i communicate with ppl if i may get told to shut up..

 

[King_Oni]

The short answer, from my perspective; No, you don't need to apologize.

The long answer;

No... because why should you apologize for the ignorance of other people? If a job coach asks you a question about what kind of jobs you'd like, isn't she pretty much asking for any answer. It'd be an interesting world to live in if we can only give out answers that are preferred. If anything, I believe the job coach needs to apologize for being such a ignorant person and not accepting people with a different set of values and norms compared to hers. In my opinion, such a coach should ask you what jobs you'd like to do, and with that information cross reference what skillset is required for said jobs to get a better outline and your strenghts, weaknesses and skills.

I don't know exactly how it works where you're from, but if you have a statement of hers that says she doesn't want to be "involved" with someone that has these career outlooks and as such looks down towards people as such, I'd file a formal complaint as it technically is a form of discrimination.

I can fully understand that you, as you're unemployed, can't be picky (I'm in the same boat), but coaches cannot be picky either with whom they want to work. As you pointed out, there's nothing illegal with one of the career options you told her, but if even some legal jobs seem wrong to her, I think this person needs a different job since she clearly isn't openminded enough to deal with any comers, which I think is something that is key for being a jobcoach.

Furthermore, if the statement like your mom relayed it to you is true, this also means that this person apparently is not wellversed in careerpaths and jobopportunities from jobs that are legal, since she clearly has no idea what exactly you meant and pretty much put words in your mouth. If you just said "I'd like to work in a dungeon", there is no mention of sex chat rooms or being a master. For what it's worth, maybe you'll end up being the janitor to clean up stuff there.

I don't think you need to stop talking to people offline, but I think you need people with an open mind to talk to. I'd take this case now as a good example to apply for a new jobcoach and state that you need someone with a more open mind and not someone who ends up being uncomfortable for whatever reason, which... and I will stress it again is not illegal. The fact that her preconceived notion (and maybe your moms as well) is something, doesn't mean you should be judged and yelled at for being "out of line". These kind of people should have a talk with you and ask you what kind of job in that industry.

An interesting personal example; I've been thinking about getting into the adult entertainment industry a few years ago. Even if it was just for retail in said store. And I've also had some minor ideas for other things in this industry, yet... and this I cannot stress enough; it does NOT mean that everyone in that industry is an acting performer in front of the camera. But if you tell people that you work (or want to work) in the adult entertainment industry, everone thinks you're a pornstar of sorts.

I'm fully aware there's a stigma of this industry. But there's a few jobs that should be totally blind for these stigmas... including being a jobcoach. I mean; simply put... you see a jobcoach to get help for a job. You want a job, maybe you'll even land a job. Problem solved. Creating an issue of something that actually isn't relevant in this case, since it actually is counterproductive in you landing a job. So where does this jobcoach come in? Isn't this person pretty much useless in that regard?

Just my 2 cents.

 

[pacman]

You shouldn't have to apologize for the ignorance of others.

 

[total-recoil]

I understand the alternative life phenomenon quite well but the truth is there are some issues you daren't discuss in a formal environment (at least for guys being interviewed by a woman). Similar things have happened to me, I guess, and I now tend to be a lot more careful. I have had women talk to me quite shockingly at work, for example, and it seems when it's vice versa we guys can't raise the same objections so, yes, I am very careful what I talk about. Some people are less open minded and basically she just felt uncomfortable for whatever reason.

I have aspergers.. the DHS managed to get me a job coach finally and the job coach was a woman around my age or looked a bit older. my first day to have a appointment with the coach i was taken to the office area sat in a chair, while she looked to make a snag-ajob account for me.... inwhich i have a account tied to my ssn so i cant have a second account. the meeting didnt last long the signing papers then having to get a folder of info for my mom to fill out, since i dont know my medical history stuff.. well on way back from job place i try to make up conversation and topic got brought to types of jobs i'd do, so i talked about all jobs i know of and what my friends i have chatted with online talked of. from anything from what some say about steakhouse, to gamestop to even a dungeon. since it was a convo so nothing bad right? X.x the next appointment time for me i got dressed waited for job coach found out she canceled... then she sent my mom a message saying i was being "Sexual, and talking about sex chat rooms, and working as a "master at a dungeon" I only spoken about the Dungeon from before since i had recalled a friend who lives in that alternative lifestyle said that those places hire ppl for different things. and from talking to my friend she even told me it is not a "abusive enviroment" i had to research a bit to find out theres no sex in such thing. because that would be illegal. but because the job coach looked at the alternative ppl's lifestyle 1 way like my mom.. i got yelled at and told that i need to apologise to the job coach girl for making her uncofmortable...

do i apologise? Also Do I from now on not talk to others offline... since i talk i get told to shut up basically. i am not immature, i know i ramble, but i keep my topics to my perspective pg.

i dont know what to do.. i want a job. but how do i communicate with ppl if i may get told to shut up..

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

No... because why should you apologize for the ignorance of other people? If a job coach asks you a question about what kind of jobs you'd like, isn't she pretty much asking for any answer.

I agree. If prostitution is legal in this area, for example, then it should not be a problem if someone tells a job coach that they want a job as a prostitute. This job coach seems quite narrow minded for her type of job. Everyone has different interests.

But if you tell people that you work (or want to work) in the adult entertainment industry, everone thinks you're a pornstar of sorts.

Would that be so bad? They would also probably assume that you're well hung and be jealous of you.

 

[total-recoil]

I got to know a prostitute. Here it isn't legal, however. There is nothing at all commercial in our discussions - we just chat because she sees me walking my bike uphill. I asked her why she does such a dangerous job on the streets and she told me she used to work as a nurse at one time. Of course, it could easily be misinterpreted but the simple fact is I do talk to people and they often share their problems and feel they can talk to me and ask advice. Basically I advised her if she wanted to work in this industry, why not do something safe like chatline hosting or something? I would never preach at her so now she just asks me how I am and vice versa.

I agree. If prostitution is legal in this area, for example, then it should not be a problem if someone tells a job coach that they want a job as a prostitute. This job coach seems quite narrow minded for her type of job. Everyone has different interests.




Would that be so bad? They would also probably assume that you're well hung and be jealous of you.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

I asked her why she does such a dangerous job on the streets and she told me she used to work as a nurse at one time.

Nursing can be a dangerous job in the hospital where I work. There's a big problem with violent patients. My ex-husband is a nurse and once had a knife pulled on him at work by someone who had broken in and was looking for drugs. The blood bank in my workplace is located away from the wards in a wing that is otherwise unoccupied after office hours. When some nurses need to collect a unit of blood in the middle of the night they come with a security guard.

 

[paloftoon]

Society at large does not accept prostitution even though there are people who do it and even though it's legal in some capacities. Being in the medical field requires a lot of intense, in-depth education whereas being a prostitute does not require such things.

I think you should consider apologizing, but finding a compromise between a head on apology and not apologizing at all. Assuming this job coach is aware of an autism diagnosis (or the like- if not, the following won't work out as well):

You can "apologize" in this fashion: What I would recommend is writing a letter or an e-mail and have a trusted friend proof it. It should say something along the lines of: Tell her something like anything that you said was not intended to offend her or come off as inappropriate. With a true understanding of my diagnosis, you can help me understand appropriate ways to interpret and behave. And tell her that if she's willing to give you the patience, energy, and time you truly need that you will keep making mistakes and trying to learn from them until you get it right and end up with a job with her undulating, authentic support.

Good luck Cryght.

 

[ephemerol9]

I am in the U.K. and there's no such thing as a job coach if youre unemployed and autistic.I assume that this person is either free or low cost and that it's overseas.Are there any of these "job coaches" willing to deal with a UK person? Does a "job coach" actuallylisten to things you say and then understand and remember them - especially difficult stuff like autism?over here there are either autism professionals who know /understand(about 2-3 that Ive met)OR the employment service and they have nothing to do with each other and you cant make them communicate.Employment service dumps you in whatever job there is until you get too ill to work/fired/leave/all of this.PLEAZSE do not tell me about ANY organsations in UK as I have looked for 14 years,theres really nothing

 

[King_Oni]

I am in the U.K. and there's no such thing as a job coach if youre unemployed and autistic.I assume that this person is either free or low cost and that it's overseas.Are there any of these "job coaches" willing to deal with a UK person? Does a "job coach" actuallylisten to things you say and then understand and remember them - especially difficult stuff like autism?over here there are either autism professionals who know /understand(about 2-3 that Ive met)OR the employment service and they have nothing to do with each other and you cant make them communicate.Employment service dumps you in whatever job there is until you get too ill to work/fired/leave/all of this.PLEAZSE do not tell me about ANY organsations in UK as I have looked for 14 years,theres really nothing

I take it the entire notion of a "job coach", guidance and/or support to get employed varies greatly in every country.

From my own experience, and clearly, I'm NOT from the Uk... these kind of people can open a few doors which otherwise are hard to get to. They can provide with some advice on where to go next in terms of employment. They're at least aware of what legal stuff you need to have covered to be eligible for certain services that can help you for employment. They don't spend time looking for your job, but in a lot of cases (again, over here in The Netherlands) they can refer you to a specialist of sorts, tell you what steps to take and that makes both your and their life easier in terms of looking for a job.

As for what these people cost? Well, over here it's free since it's part of the services the job center has to offer (technically; must offer). They have to look at your qualifications and pretty much assess if you're employable and where this might be. But that's a ruling put in place when people sign up for unemployment benefits and the like. Similarly, if you're not employable due to disability, they should refer you to where to go and get documentation and cover yourself that way.

Truth be told; even if these coaches exist. It doesn't mean they do a good job at all. Over here they're overall horrible. If I were to pay these people...I'd expect a better job than what they did in the past. The one time I contacted one that would have been paid for, had an hourly rate of roughly a third of my monthly income.

 

[Judge]

I spent a great deal of money to retrain in a vocational school. Upon graduating their job placement services were to commence. I was all over them all the time.

They were completely worthless. Eventually some nine months later I got a job thanks to a friend who was in my vocational school program.