Job Interview Anxiety, Overload & Shutdown?

[RiverSong]

I don't know if this is exactly spectrum related or not but I've always been awful at interviews. I've been on more than I can count but I just can't seem to grasp the interpersonal aspects of the interview process. Sometimes it's just a matter of me being really off, extremely nervous or awkward. I've even gotten sick to my stomach a couple times. Other times though... I would full on fall apart, like crash and burn and crumple to pieces right in front of the interviewer.

Before I knew about Aspergers, I just figured there was something wrong with me not being a people person or that I was just a bad interviewer. So, I needed to work harder at not being such a social screw up. But that hasn't seemed to happen yet.

Whenever I actually have an interview, I can't seem to talk and look the interviewer in the eye at the same time. I either have to talk while looking away, making occasional eye contact, or if it's full on eye contact then I'm not talking because my mind goes blank. On top of that, I can't listen to the interviewer and try processing their facial expressions and body language. It's like I can only do one thing at a time. I either listen or try to watch but not both. So something is always missing from the equation on my end.

Plus, I usually get so nervous and stressed because I have to meet a new person, introduce myself, make small talk, and try not to be bothered by the fact that I'm not only being judged on my resume or merit but also on whether or not the interviewer actually likes me. So with all this going on and all the while I'm trying to appear "normal," I end up inevitably falling apart somewhere during the process.

I've been on one-on-one interviews where the person told me to relax because I looked too nervous. Like that would help. I was told by one interviewer that since I wasnt steadily looking him in the eye while I talked that it made him distrust me because a lack of eye contact made me appear dishonest. The guy actually said this to my face. Then there have been other times where I had group interviews and I had to answer lengthy questions but my brain shutdown on me and words were coming out but making no sense. Needless to say, I crashed and burned right in front of the entire group, which was extremely embarrassing.

One way I got out of interviewing all together and still getting work was to apply at temp agencies. That way I was able to sign up once and never have to interview for anything. I would just get phone calls about open job assignments and show up wherever they needed me. But I can't really do that now since the work was never steady and didn't pay all that well. I kind of got away from having to look for work while in college but now that that's over, I have to get full-time work soon. So I'm starting to get concerned that I'll be falling apart at a lot of interviews again.

My actual question is does anyone else have similar issues with interviewing? Have you ever shutdown during an interview where your brain stopped working because there is too much going on?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

There was another thread on this the other day Job Interviews
Which has some ideas.

It seems like listed everything that could go wrong in advance and reading and rehearsing to get past each stage would help.
One aspect could be outing yourself, which I'm sure so e people have done.
But I'm sure that could be a double edged sword.

Stood in wet concrete on the way into the interview. (Too busy with my own I ternary monologue to realise the guy in front of me working with concrete was doing it...so I stood in it.

Interviewed with one other person, who I just happened to know was in a 'lower band' at school. He got the job.

I've been fortunate not to have done many as I'm pretty sure I would be a wreck and have had similar experiences to you.

Aagh

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Yes even on practice omes.

 

[mw2530]

I think it is quite common for those with aspergers to struggle big time with interviews. That doesn't mean you can't get a job though. After college, I had many interviews and didn't receive any offers for a long time until suddenly I received two different offers within 3 days. Since then I've changed companies one time and have had many other interviews. Interviews are exhausting for me. I find the most important thing is to be confident. When ever I was unsure of myself, even if it was just part of the interview, I usually didn't receive an offer. To be confident you need to prepare and practice potential questions you may be asked. Also write down questions you have of them. You are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you. I always struggle a lot with the open ended behavioral questions like "Describe a situation where you had a disagreement with a colleague and explain how you resolved the issue". Yuck, that question makes me want to puke. I try to have an idea of how I am going to answer the question like this by preparing ahead of time. It also is important to act like you are excited about the job. At the same rate, I usually performed best when I had a feeling of carelessness of how the interview goes. When I care too much, my stress goes way up and my mind can't stop thinking so then I have difficulty listening.

What type of jobs are you applying for? If an interview goes poorly, move on and try not to get too discouraged. Interviews are tough for anyone, not just those with ASD.

 

[tee]

Whenever I actually have an interview, I can't seem to talk and look the interviewer in the eye at the same time. I either have to talk while looking away, making occasional eye contact, or if it's full on eye contact then I'm not talking because my mind goes blank.

I can relate so much to this. I basically said this word for word to the psychologist who diagnosed me with high functioning autism. I can look someone in the eye as long as I'm listening but as soon as I'm talking I have to look away or I can't think about what I'm saying.

It's impressive to me that you can do so many interviews despite the struggles. I'm not as courageous. I graduated a year ago and still don't have a job but am starting to get to the point where I think I might be ready for an interview.

 

[Judge]

Geez. I don't even know where to begin. Then again I don't even want to.

Probably my greatest and periodic struggle in life. Getting a job. Any job.

Definitely spectrum-related in my own case.

 

[Marmot]

Being totally serious here: I've conducted studies on myself and have discovered how much alcohol it takes in a given situation to calm my nerves, and at what quantity I become obnoxious to where others could tell I've been drinking and I take that recommended dosage from a flask before getting out of my car to walk into any interview.......

To get thru & deal with the TSA at the airport when I travel: I double that amount

 

[Questella]

I don't know if this is exactly spectrum related or not but I've always been awful at interviews. I've been on more than I can count but I just can't seem to grasp the interpersonal aspects of the interview process. Sometimes it's just a matter of me being really off, extremely nervous or awkward. I've even gotten sick to my stomach a couple times. Other times though... I would full on fall apart, like crash and burn and crumple to pieces right in front of the interviewer.

Before I knew about Aspergers, I just figured there was something wrong with me not being a people person or that I was just a bad interviewer. So, I needed to work harder at not being such a social screw up. But that hasn't seemed to happen yet.

Whenever I actually have an interview, I can't seem to talk and look the interviewer in the eye at the same time. I either have to talk while looking away, making occasional eye contact, or if it's full on eye contact then I'm not talking because my mind goes blank. On top of that, I can't listen to the interviewer and try processing their facial expressions and body language. It's like I can only do one thing at a time. I either listen or try to watch but not both. So something is always missing from the equation on my end.

Plus, I usually get so nervous and stressed because I have to meet a new person, introduce myself, make small talk, and try not to be bothered by the fact that I'm not only being judged on my resume or merit but also on whether or not the interviewer actually likes me. So with all this going on and all the while I'm trying to appear "normal," I end up inevitably falling apart somewhere during the process.

I've been on one-on-one interviews where the person told me to relax because I looked too nervous. Like that would help. I was told by one interviewer that since I wasnt steadily looking him in the eye while I talked that it made him distrust me because a lack of eye contact made me appear dishonest. The guy actually said this to my face. Then there have been other times where I had group interviews and I had to answer lengthy questions but my brain shutdown on me and words were coming out but making no sense. Needless to say, I crashed and burned right in front of the entire group, which was extremely embarrassing.

One way I got out of interviewing all together and still getting work was to apply at temp agencies. That way I was able to sign up once and never have to interview for anything. I would just get phone calls about open job assignments and show up wherever they needed me. But I can't really do that now since the work was never steady and didn't pay all that well. I kind of got away from having to look for work while in college but now that that's over, I have to get full-time work soon. So I'm starting to get concerned that I'll be falling apart at a lot of interviews again.

My actual question is does anyone else have similar issues with interviewing? Have you ever shutdown during an interview where your brain stopped working because there is too much going on?

I totally can't interview, I've only been on a handful or so and I've never managed to get a job from one, the only two jobs I've ever had somebody else had gotten them for me and neither worked out at all. It sucks.

"Describe a situation where you had a disagreement with a colleague and explain how you resolved the issue".

What is even an appropriate answer to this? I would just probably avoid the colleague as I can't fight with people and avoid any and all drama I can.

 

[Questella]

Being totally serious here: I've conducted studies on myself and have discovered how much alcohol it takes in a given situation to calm my nerves, and at what quantity I become obnoxious to where others could tell I've been drinking and I take that recommended dosage from a flask before getting out of my car to walk into any interview.......

To get thru & deal with the TSA at the airport when I travel: I double that amount

I love this!

People always tell me I'm so much better when I've been drinking some but you really have to be careful not to get carried away. I would probably never try to interview buzzed though, one of the good things about my job is I can freely drink to a point but have to be very careful or management gets super p.o'd (which they really should, I understand)

 

[Marmot]

I love this!

People always tell me I'm so much better when I've been drinking some but you really have to be careful not to get carried away. I would probably never try to interview buzzed though,

I initially hesitated and was expecting to get crucified with that post for saying something that would, generally speaking, be considered ‘politically incorrect’. So, thank you Questella

I’m an aspie, and I deal with the same ******* that everyone else here deals with, and while I choose to not seek formal medication or therapy to keep things going: I do what I feel is necessary to survive, and alcohol (like it or not) is a form of self-medication that can (in appropriate dosage) be used to assist with your social inequities.

 

[dhl02]

I get so anxious in interviews that I shut down, and go into full panic mode. The only thing that has helped me is strong anti-anxiety meds. I actually found that practicing and rehearsing beforehand only heightened the anxiety and panic because I was nitpicking every little detail of what came out of my mouth. Perfectionism stinks. Also, it sounded like I was reading from a script when I practiced beforehand, because nothing came naturally to me.

I have found that a) There is no way to know whether you're getting a behavioral or traditional interview, and b) There is no way to know which questions you are going to be asked in either situation. Therefore, Do your research on the company, have a few questions and try not to think about it at all after that until you get in the door of the company you're interviewing with and just wing it. Behavioral interviews are the worst because they put you in gray situations and as an Aspie it is just downright hard to answer those questions, because there is no right or wrong answer, just what they want to hear that fits into their culture.

 

[Questella]

I initially hesitated and was expecting to get crucified with that post for saying something that would, generally speaking, be considered ‘politically incorrect’. So, thank you Questella

I’m an aspie, and I deal with the same ******* that everyone else here deals with, and while I choose to not seek formal medication or therapy to keep things going: I do what I feel is necessary to survive, and alcohol (like it or not) is a form of self-medication that can (in appropriate dosage) be used to assist with your social inequities.

I've tried to seek actual medical help for my anxiety but they just told me no anxiety medicines are approved for autism therefore I can get none. They gave me something that was for schizophrenia which I absolutely hated, it made me feel completely ****ed up and unable to function and made me sleep about 18 solid hours so I quit that immediately, and since the dr wanted to charge me 200$ just to see him one time and also said that was the only approved drug for asd I just never went back again. It was such bs because I've been given klonopin and xanex by people before and they made me feel so normal it was weird, more normal than people that get it prescribed feel from it since most people say that it knocks them out. It never made me tired in the slightest I just wasn't having panic attacks or stimming. But the dr didn't care about any of this.

 

[RiverSong]

There was another thread on this the other day Job Interviews
Which has some ideas.

It seems like listed everything that could go wrong in advance and reading and rehearsing to get past each stage would help.
One aspect could be outing yourself, which I'm sure so e people have done.
But I'm sure that could be a double edged sword.

Stood in wet concrete on the way into the interview. (Too busy with my own I ternary monologue to realise the guy in front of me working with concrete was doing it...so I stood in it.

Interviewed with one other person, who I just happened to know was in a 'lower band' at school. He got the job.

I've been fortunate not to have done many as I'm pretty sure I would be a wreck and have had similar experiences to you.

Aagh

Oh, I don't think I saw that thread before I posted. Thanks.

I have tried rehearsing things ahead of time but that never seems to help once the interview gets started. Like with most conversations, nothing ever goes according to the script in my head, lol.

I don't think I would consider outing myself to any employer, especially since I don't have a professional diagnosis. But also because I just casually mentioned that I think I might have AS at my last job on campus. I only mentioned it to one co-worker but that was definitely a bad idea! That one person never treated me the same way after that. They started avoiding me, stopped being as friendly towards me, and started speaking to me in patronizing tone, etc. So, yeah, not doing that ever again.

I think it is quite common for those with aspergers to struggle big time with interviews. That doesn't mean you can't get a job though. After college, I had many interviews and didn't receive any offers for a long time until suddenly I received two different offers within 3 days. Since then I've changed companies one time and have had many other interviews. Interviews are exhausting for me. I find the most important thing is to be confident. When ever I was unsure of myself, even if it was just part of the interview, I usually didn't receive an offer. To be confident you need to prepare and practice potential questions you may be asked. Also write down questions you have of them. You are interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing you. I always struggle a lot with the open ended behavioral questions like "Describe a situation where you had a disagreement with a colleague and explain how you resolved the issue". Yuck, that question makes me want to puke. I try to have an idea of how I am going to answer the question like this by preparing ahead of time. It also is important to act like you are excited about the job. At the same rate, I usually performed best when I had a feeling of carelessness of how the interview goes. When I care too much, my stress goes way up and my mind can't stop thinking so then I have difficulty listening.

What type of jobs are you applying for? If an interview goes poorly, move on and try not to get too discouraged. Interviews are tough for anyone, not just those with ASD.

I've been asked similar questions like that before. And oh, boy do I hate those. I just usually try to remember a time or situation I've experienced that might be a good fit for the question. Thing is, I can't tell if it's the answer they want to hear or not.

In the past, I would just go for any job because I really needed one. Mostly ended up in retail, office work, and odd jobs. Now I'm looking for web development work since that's what I recently got my degree in. I've been thinking about freelancing but I don't have enough experience to do that yet, so I kind of need to work for a company first to get some experience under my belt. But I have to get past the interview first.

I can relate so much to this. I basically said this word for word to the psychologist who diagnosed me with high functioning autism. I can look someone in the eye as long as I'm listening but as soon as I'm talking I have to look away or I can't think about what I'm saying.

It's impressive to me that you can do so many interviews despite the struggles. I'm not as courageous. I graduated a year ago and still don't have a job but am starting to get to the point where I think I might be ready for an interview.

Hey, we are in the same boat then. I will root for you in your interview adventures!

Oh, I wouldn't say I was courageous. I was mostly desperate and not well informed, lol. It never occurred to me at the time that all my interview fails might have another cause than I'm not 'trying hard enough.' I thought I was being passed over for jobs because I just didn't have the right set of interview skills even though I met the qualifications.

So I would push myself to keep going outside of my comfort zone, trying to be more social and outgoing. Because if I kept practicing at it then eventually I would even out and those skills would become natural to me. But, nope, I kept falling flat on my face, crashing and burning. Now I'm like... Oh, I see why.

 

[RiverSong]

Geez. I don't even know where to begin. Then again I don't even want to.

Probably my greatest and periodic struggle in life. Getting a job. Any job.

Definitely spectrum-related in my own case.

Yeah, I'm at least somewhat happy knowing why this is happening, why interviewing is so much more difficult than most other people experience. I'm glad I found out now before going through another round of failed interviews and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. So there's some solace in that.

Being totally serious here: I've conducted studies on myself and have discovered how much alcohol it takes in a given situation to calm my nerves, and at what quantity I become obnoxious to where others could tell I've been drinking and I take that recommended dosage from a flask before getting out of my car to walk into any interview.......

To get thru & deal with the TSA at the airport when I travel: I double that amount

Hmm, I don't think I can do that, lol. I don't really drink as it is. Plus, I'm afraid I would end up depending on a drink every time I felt nervous. I'd rather avoid that option all together than possibly get carried away with it.

I get so anxious in interviews that I shut down, and go into full panic mode. The only thing that has helped me is strong anti-anxiety meds. I actually found that practicing and rehearsing beforehand only heightened the anxiety and panic because I was nitpicking every little detail of what came out of my mouth. Perfectionism stinks. Also, it sounded like I was reading from a script when I practiced beforehand, because nothing came naturally to me.

I have found that a) There is no way to know whether you're getting a behavioral or traditional interview, and b) There is no way to know which questions you are going to be asked in either situation. Therefore, Do your research on the company, have a few questions and try not to think about it at all after that until you get in the door of the company you're interviewing with and just wing it. Behavioral interviews are the worst because they put you in gray situations and as an Aspie it is just downright hard to answer those questions, because there is no right or wrong answer, just what they want to hear that fits into their culture.

Yes, exactly. I have no idea what they want to hear. So I end up saying what I think is the most reasonable/logical answer, which has proved to be wrong a couple times. Oh well.

I have tried both rehearsing and winging it. I get mixed results either way where I'm either really nervous or completely fall apart. It doesn't seem to matter if I try to anticipate what's going to be said or not. I don't know. I think interviews are just my kryptonite.

 

[Questella]

I had to look up every question and the appropriate answer just to pass the stupid personality tests they make you fill in with your application. I hated it as 90% of the answers were just straight lies from my standpoint. It would seem to make sense to look up every single possible question and get the appropriate answer for any question you get in an interview as well (can't believe I've actually never thought of this before). I hate lying though and I feel if I got a job based completely on my ability to lie I would just end up withdrawing at the job becoming more unable to communicate and feel comfortable with anybody at the workplace. But getting a check even if it's just for a few weeks is better than nothing, right? If I don't work for anywhere for any real length of time I wouldn't even put it in my work history on applications. I at the moment have zero work history as my longest job was a couple months, second longest was a month, I had a job for 5 days and one job I had for only 2 hours.

None of this includes dancing of course as I've had a solid dancing job for 7 years before getting fired, then got the same job back 3 years after not being allowed to work and had it for a year before having to quit again because I found out I was pregnant, hoping to go back early November. I worked for an agency for about 2 years before starting school and quitting that (bad mistake) I never went back to the agency because it was all traveling and after I had my son I didn't feel comfortable leaving him for weeks to months at a time.

I've had about 5 interviews in my life and none of the jobs I did have I got from having an interview myself, somebody else straight got me the job. >:/ I wonder if I'll ever figure out how to pass an interview myself, at the moment though I think I'd be content with just dancing until I'm completely physically too old. Though getting an actual job and some real actual work experience would be well an experience for me. Since dancing's so open I could easily have a regular job and still dance once or twice a week or a few times a month or whatever I felt like.

I tried to go to a job counseling person but they just told me since I have no work experience they couldn't help me. >: They weren't even willing to give me some kind of guidance on interviewing, resumes, applications or what kind of jobs I should even apply for. >: >: >:

Unfortunately I can't say dancer on an application or resume because uneducated people about clubs and dancers see stripper and instantly think hooker and/or drug addict. >: Most of the girls that have successful careers after dancing manage to keep and maintain actual out of the club jobs so they don't have gaps in the employment and never have to mention being a dancer (jealous). Many of them actually manage to use customers in the club to help them network into better careers since many customers are business owners, managers, or other people of some kind of influence but would never admit to their career that they are regulars in the club it seems to become a secret between the two. I have zero ability to network. Must try harder next year. :/ I know one girl that ended up getting some high up government job with super good pay and mad benefits with about no actual work after many years of being a dancer and networking the right people in the club. I need these skills.

 

[icesyckel]

I'm great at interviews. I just make like a normal and talk about crap normals like (e.g., college football).

I don't change who I am, but I know how to play the game. I call it wearing my "mask." It's draining, and it takes years of intentional work to perfect, but the mask comes in handy in situations like this. I suggest trying it in less stressful situations first, though.

 

[icesyckel]

90% of the answers were just straight lies from my standpoint.

^You just described 90+% of my interactions with the norms. I prefer to think of it as playacting rather than lying, though. Lying has such a negative connotation. Last thing I'm gonna do is be honest on a personality test administered as part of an interview though. I mean, my personality is none of their frickin' business anyway.

 

[Questella]

I'm great at interviews. I just make like a normal and talk about crap normals like (e.g., college football).

I don't change who I am, but I know how to play the game. I call it wearing my "mask." It's draining, and it takes years of intentional work to perfect, but the mask comes in handy in situations like this. I suggest trying it in less stressful situations first, though.

College football??? Do you actually have to follow it? I don't think I could, girls at the club insist I need to follow sports to talk to men and I just can't. Thankfully my dude has also zero interest in sports as well, he's a musician. I can talk music a bit but too many people just like Nickelback, Creed, and other way too mainstream bands (gag). If men want to talk sports I generally just let them think they're educating me about it and let them go on and on about it as much as they like, I like to think they like that at least I don't like an opposing team to theirs. I remember last they were watching some kind of basketball something that was big in like March? I had no idea but I was just like, "tell me about it," of course by next season I won't remember any of it and will have to be re-educated again. Where are all the Trekkies? Those I could do. I know they're out there, I've seen the convention photos.

 

[Questella]

^You just described 90+% of my interactions with the norms. I prefer to think of it as playacting rather than lying, though. Lying has such a negative connotation. Last thing I'm gonna do is be honest on a personality test administered as part of an interview though. I mean, my personality is none of their frickin' business anyway.

I need to just like write a computer program that will fill out the survey for me since it's apparently just complete b.s. anyway. It is really lying though because when acting people know you're acting a character, where as interviewing aren't you excepted be "real"? I'm really confused on this. At least at dancing people should be assuming I'm playing the part of the stripper, so it is lying but I'm filling the role of stripper for their entertainment. How does this apply to regular jobs such as working in a restaurant or an office where your job isn't directly entertaining the masses.

 

[icesyckel]

College football??? Do you actually have to follow it? I don't think I could, girls at the club insist I need to follow sports to talk to men and I just can't. Thankfully my dude has also zero interest in sports as well, he's a musician. I can talk music a bit but too many people just like Nickelback, Creed, and other way too mainstream bands (gag). If men want to talk sports I generally just let them think they're educating me about it and let them go on and on about it as much as they like, I like to think they like that at least I don't like an opposing team to theirs. I remember last they were watching some kind of basketball something that was big in like March? I had no idea but I was just like, "tell me about it," of course by next season I won't remember any of it and will have to be re-educated again. Where are all the Trekkies? Those I could do. I know they're out there, I've seen the convention photos.

Like you, I tend to have no interest in spectator sports. I make exception for the Olympics due to the sheer variety and all the ceremony. If trying to interact with men on more than a purely physical/lust level (like, say, in a job interview in an office setting), then I would advise picking on at least the one sport that is the most popular in your area and then following one team enough to carry on a conversation. It will help with getting past interviews, water-cooler chatter, etc. The time investment is minimal enough. You don't even have to watch entire games - just catch the highlights on Sports Center or online and regurgitate them when needed. I didn't like it at first, but I have to tell you that there is more to college football than I initially thought. I actually enjoy it now to some extent in limited doses.

However, in the club setting? If the men are like me (HA! - not gonna happen), everything sounds fascinating when spoken by a scantily (or not) clad woman for at least a while. If you're looking to develop a meaningful/lasting connection, though, whether a guy is NT or ND, you need to be able to share at least some sort of common interest. Opposites attract, but they destroy if they can't have at least one mutually interesting subject.

You'd have been fine with me, though. Love both Nickelback (Lullabye) and Trek. I have no interest in March Madness (the basketball thing you referenced).