Hi , I am Cas . 54 , married , and live a life of ups and downs . As long as I can remember , my focus and direction in life is very strongly influenced by how people around me , treat me . When I am surrounded by friends , who accept me with all my flaws , I do really good , I can get a lot of work done and can be super focused .
When I learn that people are badmouthing me behind my back , or start arguments that I don't even understand where it is all coming from , it totaly stows me off balance , nothing gets done anymore and I can get very depressed . It is usually my family ( not my wife or daughter ) that gets me in that situation , and refuse to have any understanding for my struggles .
The last years I am really try to understand what is all happening and why I am so vulnerable for attacks from outside . I manage to keep us financial afloat , but we have no health insurance that covers to get officially diagnosed . I did a lot of reading about the subject , autism , aspergers , ADHD etc . And I did some online test on aspergers . I score as a very mild case of aspergers when I go thru all the questions . I also did the test and answered all the questions like I would have done 30 years ago , and then I score as a much more severe case of aspergers , just like I thought .
It ex planes a lot and all and all I came a long way without knowing what I was doing .
The relation with family was always rocky , but when I started to look into things and wanted to talk about why we were having a hard time getting along , they became very hostile and convinced that I was destroying myself and they had to stay strong , so I would not drag them down . That they treat me as outcast and refuse to communicate with me , they probably look at it as tough love .
When I learn that people are badmouthing me behind my back , or start arguments that I don't even understand where it is all coming from , it totaly stows me off balance , nothing gets done anymore and I can get very depressed . It is usually my family ( not my wife or daughter ) that gets me in that situation , and refuse to have any understanding for my struggles .
The last years I am really try to understand what is all happening and why I am so vulnerable for attacks from outside . I manage to keep us financial afloat , but we have no health insurance that covers to get officially diagnosed . I did a lot of reading about the subject , autism , aspergers , ADHD etc . And I did some online test on aspergers . I score as a very mild case of aspergers when I go thru all the questions . I also did the test and answered all the questions like I would have done 30 years ago , and then I score as a much more severe case of aspergers , just like I thought .
It ex planes a lot and all and all I came a long way without knowing what I was doing .
The relation with family was always rocky , but when I started to look into things and wanted to talk about why we were having a hard time getting along , they became very hostile and convinced that I was destroying myself and they had to stay strong , so I would not drag them down . That they treat me as outcast and refuse to communicate with me , they probably look at it as tough love .
