Judged By How I Communicate

[The Penguin]

If I can think of all the things exist in the world, one of the things I hate the most is being judged by how a person communicate. This story is going to be solely based on me having a language based learning disability and all the troubles I have in life. I have written other stories about my learning disability, but this one is going to be different. This is going to be about I'm denied many services in life and people unwilling to help me because I don't know how to communicate effectively. For the readers that do judge people how they communicate and don't consider people having language based learning disability or other related issues, don't really understand the harm you put in people lives like me. There many people like me having lots of potential, but people that do judge people like me might not get a chance to do meaningful things in life including having a good job.

I'm going to share personal stuff of my life growing up with learning disability and stuff I had to overcome. I hoping for those do judge people like me when you're reading my story will reconsider your thinking after you read my story. As I did note I have a language based learning disability, my writing level won't be the greatest compare to someone that excels in language. But still, I hope you make the time to read this as it not easy for me to write a long story.

When I was born, there were birth complications. Doctors said I wouldn't be able to walk, talk and many other things. The the doctors were wrong. These skills I developed much later in life than an average child. The start of my childhood started with speech issues. Kids would make fun of me over this. I had to attend speech therapy. English was one of my worst subjects. No matter how hard I tried, I never excel well during elementary school in that subject.

As time progressed with the speech therapy, my speaking started to improve. I think by grade three I was able to speak normally.

However, reading and spelling were still a huge challenge for me. I can't make sense how to pronounce most written words. This would also cause issues for spelling. I did get excited during the 90's handheld spell checker was on the market. I owned one and it did help.

Near the end of my high school career, I wanted to enroll in computer programing for college. The problem is, you need a 70% or higher in grade 12 English and I only had 62%. I have taken the class again and only got 64% a second time. I asked the teacher if they can give me a 70% so I can go to college and she said no. Anyhow, my guidance counselor managed to get me into the college. Despite this college wants this 70% English mark, I happy to say I was able to graduate in a 3 year program with a 3.5 GPA. I think the college shouldn't weigh English marks to high. I mean, there people had a higher English mark than me in high school yet there total GPA for college is much lower than mine.

Finding employment has been a challenge for me. Because my writing skills are not good, I need to use an employment center to help with a resume and cover letter. As most of you know, when apply for jobs, you're highly judged on how a person writes. If I didn't have this help from the employment centers, I would have never been able to get a job. I also sometimes need help with a job application as there times I don't know what they asking.

Based on my writing abilities, it's hard to get people willing to listen to me on most forums. There is because most forums are very critical of how a person writes. I'm very thankful for this site most of you are very understanding and had conflicts with very few members. However, when I want to use another forum asking for help, most of the time people will be unwilling to help me based on how I write. This makes it hard because how can I get help when we live in a world most people don't have patience with someone that don't write well.

There are many other barriers I have been relating to my language based learning disability. What I wrote above should give you a good starting point of some of the things I have issues with. It not fair these barriers makes it hard for me to get a job or someone willing to help me.

I have written some amazing software that being used worldwide. Though I can't disclose this technology due to confidentiality reasons. I had worked with many software developers that I was able to fix bugs in their code. There have been times I was able to understand the system better than the senior developer. There lots of great talent I have. But this talent means nothing if I can't get my foot in the door with a new company because my communication skills are not good for interviews. I mean, people are very impressed what on my resume, but it's how I preform during the interview is when I always lose. Sometimes I'm not answering their questions correctly. I know there many other things too. The problem is, if you tell an employer, you have a disability, most won't hire you. I don't want to hear about the stuff employers can't discriminate a person over a disability. These things happen all the time, including in the counties where they're suppose to be protected. And most of the time when the victim tries to fight their case, they lose because the employer normally has these big shot lawyers.

It's not fair, we live in a world people are judged how a person writes or speak, but that's just how many people are in this world. I wish there more understanding people out there.

 

[Suzanne]

I get you! But what strikes me as bizarre is that unless you are using a spell check for every thing you type, I can find absolutely no spelling errors and your typing format is spot on! You put the capital I rather than i when it is on its own. You space the full stop exactly where it is supposed to be spaced. So I can only assume, you mean: WRITTEN ie by HAND?

My English is pretty bad and yet, people are amazed because when I speak, I speak well. It is when I write, my hand writing is dire ie very child like and untidy ( not like a dr, for example) and I seem to be chronic with little words, but not too bad for a long word.

I can type, but when put to the test, make tons of errors, due to hating being looked at. I went to college and came away with some exams and saw advertised a temping job that just screamed out at me: Accuracy more important than speed! So I avidly went in and jubilantly handed my very impressive portfolio and all she did was give it a sweeping glance, brushed it back to me and pointed in the far corner and said: test! I looked HORRIFIED and with sinking heart, said: yes, but I have proof that I can type; for goodness sake, I have distinction in typing skills, but she without smiling, said: test and dismissed me. So with feet dragging, I went over and thought: come on, you were under similar pressures in college, in order to get your exams; this can't be any worse, but nope, I failed! She did soften up but looked at me with pity and said that she just could not send me for the interview, as her job would be sacrificed. I did try to point out that accuracy was more important, but she maliciously counter argued that I had failed on accuracy! I was so happy for a sunny day, for my sunglasses came in very useful as tears coursed down my face!

It is horribly unfair, that we are judged by the wrong thing!!!!

 

[Ylva]

I put "interviews" on my list of weaknesses.

 

[DarkAscent]

The Penguin, I think that you are an inspirational person. I think that you're very kind and supportive towards other people even with your own struggles. Not only that - from reading your post, I think that you've come very far and achieved so much in life despite having a disability that puts up many barriers to overcome.

I don't have a language based disability. I learned to read from a very young age and excelled in English at school (received A's for my English Literature and English Language GCSEs) but even then, I was still judged on how I communicated verbally by my peers in school. I was teased for my monotone voice and was bullied by both my peers and teachers because I was very shy (still am) and was selectively mute (spoke excessively at home but very little at school. However, I did not have selective mutism). Most of my peers judged me as being arrogant when I was actually too afraid and nervous to approach them.

I agree with you completely. In my opinion, it is very unfair that a person's skills and/or intelligence should be based upon their communication skills. I know a person with severe autism on another forum for people with ASDs who is non-verbal, but I think that she is one of the most wise and intelligent people that I've ever spoken to. She wrote about how people have shouted at her in the street and taunted her by calling her "retard" etc because she cannot speak. She is always helping and supporting people on the autistic forum that she is a member of.

 

[Naturalist]

I often wish people would realize that there are so many valuable forms of communication, not just a spoken or written language. If this were not the case, the music industry wouldn't be huge, we wouldn't need soundtracks in film, and no one would ever spend a fortune on a painting.

One thing I have noticed, Penguin, is that you are very eloquent when you are passionate about a topic--at least in what you type that we can read. This is when verbal communication is most valuable--when it allows us to express what we absolutely believe--and you do succeed in this. Spelling and grammar are technicalities, and if one perfects those at the expense of substance in their writing, they fail at communication in a bigger way! I hope sharing your story will help others to see this fact about you.

 

[Naturalist]

PS--have you thought of contributing a version of your post to the Loud Hands Project?

The Loud Hands Project - Submissions Guidelines

 

[Spiller]

It would be nice to think that one day employers and people-in-the-street will judge those with disabilities and mental health issues based on their character and abilities rather than their differences.
After all these are the people who vote in laws preventing discrimination in the first place and who are vocal in their support of difference, but yet continue to maintain a separation.. and 'Us and Them' mentality.
We all watch the Para-Olympics and congratulate the disabled of our nations on their achievements, disabilities are talked about more openly for a while and we think, "Great, attitudes are changing!".
Then everything settles down, those with differences still find they can't get work, can't socialise, can't get 'into the world'.
I guess that makes us stronger for having to work harder than everyone else to achieve what we do and it makes you, Mr P, more of an inspiration to me and others, my friend

 

[Judge]

To me, communication itself is just "mechanics". Not a benchmark of one's intellect. It's the content of what you're trying to communicate that counts. What's in your heart and mind.

Reminds me of Helen Keller. She had incredible hurdles when it came to the most basic forms of communication. But when we became able (and patient) to understand what she was trying to communicate, we realize that she had a lot to say!

And then there's Stephen Hawking...and so on. Good post, Penguin. You have a lot to say too!

 

[Warmheart]

You have some amazing courage, Penguin. I am grateful to know you here, as much as I do.

I too have communication challenges, so I relate. I'm now at peace with the fact that I will be perceived by my discombobulated communication. Yes, sometimes the results can be pretty epic, but I am viewing this with humor now. Frustration is simply a part of communication for me.

Basically, people either sound like Charlie Brown's teacher (when I'm in a shutdown), or like The Swedish Chef (when I'm anxious or they tend to run words together). When speaking, if anxious, I morph linguistically into Jar Jar Binks. When completely overwhelmed, I turn into Marcel Marceau. A woman with a mute button! Stray calm, gentlemen... there's only one of me.

Dear Penguin, you have intelligence, a kind heart, and so much inside of you of value. Those who are fortunate to know you, appreciate your integrity, your wonderful nature, your many talents and gifts. I admire you.

 

[The Penguin]

So I can only assume, you mean: WRITTEN ie by HAND?

Not really. Writing by hand is another story. He is my writing process. When I finish writing I will do spell check. I also have a grammar checker software called Ginger. The software is not perfect and there is better grammar checker software on the market, but it the only one I was able to understand how to use. When that's done, I will use Google to help spell words I don't know. For example, I don't know how to spell pathetic. However, I remember from my childhood in the video game Mortal Komat there was a part a guy said "you weak pathetic fool". So when I type in Google "You weak", the next word it will give me pathetic. Therefore, I learned how to use Google as fill in the blank when spell checker can't help me. If the content is more important such as for a customer, then I use software to read aloud on what I wrote. This can help me detect more errors in my writing. So at the end, I need to use many tools to help me write, otherwise it will be harder for people to understand what I want to say.

 

[The Penguin]

I put "interviews" on my list of weaknesses.

I remember a job developer I have in Toronto got me to read Asperger's on the Job: Must-have Advice for People with Asperger's or High Functioning Autism.... | AspiesCentral.com . By the way, I recommend reading this book. Anyhow, I believe there was a part in the book the candidate can have a good resume at get the interview. However, when they have the interview, the employer might think the person is a lair because they are not preforming well during the interview. The thing is, it beyond the candidate control if they having trouble to communicate effectively.

 

[The Penguin]

PS--have you thought of contributing a version of your post to the Loud Hands Project?

The Loud Hands Project - Submissions Guidelines

Thanks for your suggestion. My first concern I don't know much about this organization. Also for their FB page, the last time they post was April 16, 2013. For their blog, there last post I think is April 11th 2013. The blog does not show the year of the post, only the month and day.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I'd still much rather read stuff you type up than what half the kids on the internet type up. There may be some minor grammatical errors, but you are LEGIBLE. No weird spellings, there is proper punctuation and capitalization. How you get only a 62% in English and all those chatspeakers go to college is beyond me. I think the system is busted, but that's an old diagnosis by this point.

 

[The Penguin]

How you get only a 62% in English and all those chatspeakers go to college is beyond me.

I find the whole school system needs to be improved as a whole. We have lots of information available these days that many people have different type of learning styles. Yet, many schools still will not cater to these styles. Also, I'm assuming most teachers are not educated to work with people with disabilities. Honestly, I think this should be mandatory because if it was, more people would be able to do better in school.

 

[Spiller]

I find the whole school system needs to be improved as a whole. We have lots of information available these days that many people have different type of learning styles. Yet, many schools still will not cater to these styles. Also, I'm assuming most teachers are not educated to work with people with disabilities. Honestly, I think this should be mandatory because if it was, more people would be able to do better in school.

We have a similar problem in the UK with schools being reluctant to devote recourses they've been granted by Government for exactly this purpose. I know a statemented 11 yr old with HFA who's a maths savant, his parents are struggling to find a local secondary school that will accept him next year.. they have no teachers adequately trained to work with disabilities and just don't seem to want the hassle.. I thought everyone had a right to education

 

[AsheSkyler]

I find the whole school system needs to be improved as a whole. We have lots of information available these days that many people have different type of learning styles. Yet, many schools still will not cater to these styles. Also, I'm assuming most teachers are not educated to work with people with disabilities. Honestly, I think this should be mandatory because if it was, more people would be able to do better in school.

AGREED. The first thing I'd toss out is tests. My husband is actually smarter than I am, but he royally sucks at taking tests and thus looks less intelligent than me. It always irritated me when we were in college.

 

[The Penguin]

AGREED. The first thing I'd toss out is tests. My husband is actually smarter than I am, but he royally sucks at taking tests and thus looks less intelligent than me. It always irritated me when we were in college.

This video might interest you. The Finland School System

 

[Naturalist]

Thanks for your suggestion. My first concern I don't know much about this organization. Also for their FB page, the last time they post was April 16, 2013. For their blog, there last post I think is April 11th 2013. The blog does not show the year of the post, only the month and day.

Good to note Penguin. I was thinking of sending something to them but I had not had a chance to investigate it myself yet. Also I am not adept at FB. If I find out more I will be happy to share with you.

 

[epath13]

I think your writing is fine. I don't know. Maybe I don't notice something because English is not my native language but, honestly, I've read lots of articles written by regular folks and people who were supposed to be writers - I don't see much difference.
But I understand how communication style can stand in the way. I know that sometimes people can be hired because of their communication style rather than their skills, which is sad. There must be understanding people. You'll probably have to search for them for a long time but if you're determined, you'll find them
For me it's not just about employment, it's about pretty much anything. One of the biggest issues for me is communication with medical professionals. I can never seem to express what exactly the problem is. How much pain I experience, or what other symptoms. And, unfortunately, most doctors and nurses are not very helpful either.