Cosmic Light
Well-Known Member
Hi. 
I've come to this forum a few times in the past just to read, and finely I decided to create and account and join in. I very recently go my AS diagnosis. But honestly I wasn't at all surprised by it. I'd suspected for years that I was at the very high end of the autism spectrum. So many people I knew liked to deny it whenever I'd try to talk to them about it. I haven't tried again to explain that I'm sure now. No point. They'd only feel bad or sad or change the way they act toward me and I don't want that.
My childhood was a bit weird because of course I was different but no one knew why or even how. It was always something that no one, even myself, could quite place or explain. I had few if any friends most of my childhood. Most of the children that talked to me turned out to be using me because I was nice to everyone and trusted everyone on Earth. I'd copy the behaviors of everyone else in the same situations as myself and still they'd be told they were right and me wrong. I offended people without meaning too, or got into trouble and never knew why. I was denied a true main stream education, though I was as smart as anyone. I asked my mother several times why I was treated always as so slgithly and yet clearly different than others and she woudl only say in all truth tht I was the only one that was right and the rest were wrong. (just hw that was supposed to have worked I still don;t know to this day, haha.)
I remember so many times in life, just feeling like I couldn't figure out things i knew i was supposed to know. Yet other things were as correct as anyone. That got people so frustrated so many times in my life. As a child it seemed odd i now realize that i could tie my shoes myself, and I could read and write and yet I didn't know how to talk to someone about a birthday party. Now, years later int he adult world it's clearly as equally puzzling to people how I can drive a car, shop for groceries, understand politics, ect, and yet I still have trouble at times conversing with people when it's important to do so. I work in retail too, which might sound ridiculous. But I like people related jobs. I don't seem to crash and burn or anything around people. I might just seem a bit weird at times. I'm pretty social though by now. I've had years to teach myself how socializing is done. Most days I'm actually good at it. I make the odd mistake with it but usually these days people just think I'm funny when that happens. We laugh.
I'm not unhappy at all with who and what I am. Too this day some of those who get to know me really well and see more than most get to see of my life, tend to still act like they feel bad. But really I've so often thought and said that they are missing so much. I see the world differently. I tend to think that's part of what this 'condition' is... another way of processing information and input, which means another way of understanding anything and everything. i see the angels and others miss and to me that's a gift, not some tragedy. Do I wish at times I could be 'normal'? Well of course i do. I get upset and even frustration at not knowing how to be what others want so that I can succeed as well as someone else. But mostly I just see life as interesting. `
I have so much more of a story to tell. So much more to say. so much more of any opinion ot add on so much. I think i will do that in other boards on this forum.
It's nice to meet everyone.:H
I've come to this forum a few times in the past just to read, and finely I decided to create and account and join in. I very recently go my AS diagnosis. But honestly I wasn't at all surprised by it. I'd suspected for years that I was at the very high end of the autism spectrum. So many people I knew liked to deny it whenever I'd try to talk to them about it. I haven't tried again to explain that I'm sure now. No point. They'd only feel bad or sad or change the way they act toward me and I don't want that.
My childhood was a bit weird because of course I was different but no one knew why or even how. It was always something that no one, even myself, could quite place or explain. I had few if any friends most of my childhood. Most of the children that talked to me turned out to be using me because I was nice to everyone and trusted everyone on Earth. I'd copy the behaviors of everyone else in the same situations as myself and still they'd be told they were right and me wrong. I offended people without meaning too, or got into trouble and never knew why. I was denied a true main stream education, though I was as smart as anyone. I asked my mother several times why I was treated always as so slgithly and yet clearly different than others and she woudl only say in all truth tht I was the only one that was right and the rest were wrong. (just hw that was supposed to have worked I still don;t know to this day, haha.)
I remember so many times in life, just feeling like I couldn't figure out things i knew i was supposed to know. Yet other things were as correct as anyone. That got people so frustrated so many times in my life. As a child it seemed odd i now realize that i could tie my shoes myself, and I could read and write and yet I didn't know how to talk to someone about a birthday party. Now, years later int he adult world it's clearly as equally puzzling to people how I can drive a car, shop for groceries, understand politics, ect, and yet I still have trouble at times conversing with people when it's important to do so. I work in retail too, which might sound ridiculous. But I like people related jobs. I don't seem to crash and burn or anything around people. I might just seem a bit weird at times. I'm pretty social though by now. I've had years to teach myself how socializing is done. Most days I'm actually good at it. I make the odd mistake with it but usually these days people just think I'm funny when that happens. We laugh.
I'm not unhappy at all with who and what I am. Too this day some of those who get to know me really well and see more than most get to see of my life, tend to still act like they feel bad. But really I've so often thought and said that they are missing so much. I see the world differently. I tend to think that's part of what this 'condition' is... another way of processing information and input, which means another way of understanding anything and everything. i see the angels and others miss and to me that's a gift, not some tragedy. Do I wish at times I could be 'normal'? Well of course i do. I get upset and even frustration at not knowing how to be what others want so that I can succeed as well as someone else. But mostly I just see life as interesting. `
I have so much more of a story to tell. So much more to say. so much more of any opinion ot add on so much. I think i will do that in other boards on this forum.
It's nice to meet everyone.:H
