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Just experienced my first break up...

Becs

Becs

New Member
We only broke up a day ago and already I can feel myself moving forward. I think I was more in tune with all the issues we had over the past year, however, I am not one to dwell on them. Truth is one day I would love to have a family and be with someone who can except me for me. What I have learnt through this relationship is really just how bad my mood swings are and that I need to develop my self-control. It is hard being an Aspie and a Christian as I know that the Lord has created me this way.

I guess the real deal breaker for me was the unwillingness to learn about my aspergus and my ADHD but I could also see he was looking for a way out. It was devistating but I have only found out about being aspergic last year and I struggled to be myself with him becuase I didn't know who I truely was. No relationship should be like that. I know I have done the right thing and that we are better off as friends and I am looking forward to getting to know who I am as a person. So the year wasn't for nothing and I truly loved him to the best of my ability. Has anyone else been through a similar experience?
 
I thought I would add this as a side note I acknowledge that I have major mood swings and that frustrates him as well. We both have our parts to play and I do feel bad for messing him around on a weekly basis. I.E. I would want to marry him then want to break up. It was honestly the hardest thing and I created so much anxiety within myself that it affected who I was before I met him, eating and sleeping habits.
 
Ive had a relationship break down before because of my ASD and my behaviour but to be fair neither of us knew i had ASD. It was my first ever relationship and my head was in meltdown with a mixture of anxiety and happiness. She couldn't understand why i was the way i was and more importantly she couldn't accept me for who i am. Unlike you it took me a long time to move on. I was in love. I always think what if we both new at the time that i was autistic. Maybe her questions would hav been answered and she would have understand and accepted me then? Who knows.
 
Dan Dan said:
Ive had a relationship break down before because of my ASD and my behaviour but to be fair neither of us knew i had ASD. It was my first ever relationship and my head was in meltdown with a mixture of anxiety and happiness. She couldn't understand why i was the way i was and more importantly she couldn't accept me for who i am. Unlike you it took me a long time to move on. I was in love. I always think what if we both new at the time that i was autistic. Maybe her questions would hav been answered and she would have understand and accepted me then? Who knows.
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Yes well fortunately he had the opportunity to learn about it and for some time he did it was one of those long term things where I knew didn't want to marry him hence no point continuing the relationship.
 
Becs said:
I know that the Lord has created me this way
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Just to correct you on this point. It is to do with your parents that you have aspergers. Our Creator, has nothing to do with this, otherwise, really you would have to blame Him for your difficulties and yet, He cannot do evil James 1:13.

Sorry for totally going off the point of your post.

I am actually married in the sort of relationship you got out of and I do say bravo you, because it is hard work. I have grown in my marriage, due to the perseverance of keeping together and I do not see that as a negative.

But, by far, it is a bad decision to marry someone you do not feel compatable with.
 
Suzanne said:
Just to correct you on this point. It is to do with your parents that you have aspergers. Our Creator, has nothing to do with this, otherwise, really you would have to blame Him for your difficulties and yet, He cannot do evil James 1:13.

Sorry for totally going off the point of your post.

I am actually married in the sort of relationship you got out of and I do say bravo you, because it is hard work. I have grown in my marriage, due to the perseverance of keeping together and I do not see that as a negative.

But, by far, it is a bad decision to marry someone you do not feel compatable with.
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I just want to clarify that I don't blame God for all the bad traits there were other things that went on that were not healthy for either of us. Different goals etc. Anyway God made made me and I am a child.if.God and he is going to allow me to experience human emotions. I do believe that even if it was my parents who past it on God allowed it it happen for a reason and hold no resentment towards them. It is people like us who can show the world and tell them all about a different perspective on life.
 
Sounds like a very healthy break-up on your part - well done! You have a clear head, learning from it and are moving forward.

Why did you stop dancing, btw?
 
I went back to dancing at the end of the year but I was dancing for the approval of others. It was also a really hard time in my life when I had to break communication with my my biological father. I guess I had to discover who I was without dance. You see I tended to become.very obsessive with a lot of my interests. Most of my interests are all to do with the creative side of my brain.
 
I see. Hard times. Although if you love it somewhere within yourself, perhaps you can find a way to do it for you someday and not others. Everything is so competitive these days. I get into creative pursuits too. Love losing myself in them - it's like burrowing into sweet blind deliciousness.
 
But as soon as I started back last year near the end I was so happy to be back and this year I am back teaching the little ones.
 
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